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What If You Turned In Your “Ride or Die” Chick Title Too Soon? Can You Reclaim Your Title? Takeaways from Being Mary Jane

being-mary-jane

Last night was the two-hour season finale of “Being Mary Jane”.  I have enjoyed the show immensely and have been eager each Tuesday to watch the upcoming episode. While, like many I do not view Mary Jane as a role model but as entertainment. However, I do think she highlights the vulnerabilities, insecurities and carelessness that many women experience when seeking love.

The last hour of the season finale, her ex-boyfriend David confronted Mary Jane about freezing his sperm. While discussing this and reflecting on some of the arguments they had together, she realizes that they are meant to be. She confesses her love and wants to rekindle their once budding relationship. The dilemma, however is he has moved on with someone else. He points out that when he was down in life and trying to launch his business, Mary Jane left. However, when Mary Jane had her rough patches he was there by her side. Mary Jane’s rebuttal was that she felt he was stringing her along and wasn’t going to commit to her, so she had to move on. She points out to him how she was the “Ride or Die” chick and the lady he is with now is reaping the benefits of his success. It seems that there was a misunderstanding during their break-up. However, her ex came around and made an attempt in the beginning of the season, but she moved on with her married lover and he also moved on. When the relationship with her married lover did not materialize and following the heels of her ex success, the light bulb clicks that her heart was there.

Her love for him could have very well always been there, but convoluted through misperceptions and desires to press forward in life.

Did She Turn In Her “Ride or Die” Chick Title Too Soon?

This is a tough one. I don’t think so. She did what she thought was best for her at the moment. She felt she was in a dead-end relationship that was causing undue stress instead of bringing happiness. While supportive, she felt taken for granted. As a woman who may have had goals for marriage and a family, she felt he was not going to commit and provide her with that.

I reflect on my relationship of about 6 years with a guy I dated from college. I was there for him through his ebbs and flows through and post-college. He decided to abruptly quit his job and move to another state and was not forthcoming with his true intentions. To appease me, he told me he was going to attend school and get a higher education. Okay, so he probably be there two years tops. There wasn’t too much discussion of me moving, and if there was, as a woman with no promise of a ring and leaving my job was not an option. While I supported the move process, I secretly couldn’t 100% swallow him moving on with his life without me. Additionally, once he moved, I found out his intentions were not to return to school but to pursue his dream of a life in music. So I felt betrayed when I found out he wasn’t truthful with his intentions to begin with prior to leaving. I guess he felt I would not have understood, and I guess that doubt in me, sealed the deal to end it.  I sought guidance from family and friends, I was not happy with my current situation. The age of 30 was only a couple of years away. I decided, I could not be the supportive girlfriend from another state, I tuned myself out of the relationship and my next work trip happened to be in the same state he was in. I decided at that time to formally end the relationship. It was one of the hardest break-ups I ever experienced. It was equally hurtful and deceitful on both of our parts. Someone from his family mentioned that there were plans of a possible proposal that same weekend, but my decision to end the relationship trumped that decision. Following the break-up I was completely torn, teetering back and forth with my own guilt and whether it was the right thing to do.  My initial hurt and outside opinions from others trumped my belief in the bond we shared. Eventually, I realized despite our love for each other, we grew apart, we were going in two different directions, so holding on just for history didn’t make sense. The break-up was necessary.  Cherish the great moments and not be bitter with one another.

Now divorced, I have met great gents that have been supportive of my divorce plight. In return, I have also supported them in their life pursuits and challenges. While it seems through my dating experiences, timing is always off to pursue a relationship, but there is always a deep compatible connection and mutual respect. I felt in the brief time I have dated, the gents are aware that I am “Ride or Die” chick material. However, commitment to exclusivity is not always seen eye-to-eye. A committed relationship is not their focus, their enjoyment with their current single status or career pursuits trump their long-term desires at present.

Can You Reclaim Your Title Back?

I do not believe that you need to stick around and exclusively commit yourself to someone who is not ready to build a relationship with you. Despite them mentioning they would be ready once they accomplish certain achievements, but neglect your needs and wants while reaching their goals. Do you still stick around with the risk of that person stringing you along or do you move forward with your life and remain friends? I agree with the latter, if you have demonstrated you are a “Down” chick, if the gent is still interested he will reach out when ready. Yes, you can reclaim your “Ride or Die” chick title if you desire to and haven’t moved on with someone else. However, there is a risk that he may not want you and move forward with another chick. He may have mis-perceive you leaving the relationship as you bailing out during his struggle. However, if he valued you in the beginning he would understand that he can’t keep you on the side wings and not put you as priority and expect you to be content with that. If so, he is selfish and pat yourself on the back from dodging that bullet. If he really did not want to risk losing you he would have chosen exclusivity and still achieve his aspirations. Or respect you as a woman, and let you move forward in your life, understand the risk and just hope he can catch you when he is at a better state in his life and ready to commit and put in the work for a thriving relationship.

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