Damaged Goods…Ruined or Fixable?

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Since entering the dating scene as a fresh divorcee….I have become perplexed with some of the men I have encountered. To be specific a certain demographic….the late 30’s to mid 40’s single metropolitan professional men. These gents at their root are wonderful individuals. These men are the backbone within their community, successful in their careers, wonderful sons, great friends and have disposable income to encounter a thriving social life. However, when it comes to dating and relationships, they lack the qualities required to transform a dating relationship into something more. I will term it they are too busy “indulging in their own swag”


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The first barrier is just their life in itself. I understand….now in my 30’s there are greater life demands than having your entire Saturday free in getting to know someone. There is your career, family and friend events that are logged in your calendar a year in advance. Not to mention all of the social networking events, day parties, college homecomings, Carribean takeover retreats, carnivals and sporting events that are already blocked on your calendar and are noncancelable as a single man that deems networking as imperative to their “swag”. Oh…and their fitness regimen…lets not forget their physique is important….for their health and so they can impress. So time allotted to getting to know a woman is limited.

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The second barrier is that New York City and any metropolis area that hosts these  social calendar events are filled with many beautiful women whom are also there in hopes to meeting a new date prospect. So while I may meet a great potential date…..these gents likely already have 2 or 3 other ladies they have met at the last few networking functions that they either are currently dating in rotation or have a date scheduled with  in the next couple of days.  If one dating prospect does not work out….they can always meet someone anew at another event. Prospects are fruitful to these men.

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  • Third barrier is their attained independence….they have adjusted to cooking for themselves, taking their clothes to the drycleaner, organizing and paying their own bills. And those whom have mothers nearby, whatever they do not take care of for themselves….their mother is there purchasing their staples in bulk and fixing their favorite meals which they have not yet mastered. The infamous “momma’s boy”.


In my view these men have become spoiled. At their age….their dating process has become the norm and is a seasoned routine.  Are they capable of working on a sustainable relationship?  They are content and happy with their current lifestyles and are in no rush to change it. These gents have heard the fables from their married peers and often focus on the negative as opposed to the positive aspects of marriage.  These barriers in my opinion has resulted in lack of effort in attempting to meaningfully date. They have been comfortable with us women accepting their limited amount of time in any shape or form given. They wanna “hang out” when there isn’t a conflict with their social calendar. What happened to actual dating? What happened to men taking the initiative and reaching out? The persistence of social media has also hindered their effort, in my opinion. They can check up on you on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and etc. So why require a phone conversation?

These same men however,….when speaking and getting to know them hope to attain a family and have someone to grow old with. These same men…..are beginning to become tired of the social scene. These same men….are slowly transitioning into the old man at the networking events as the mid-20 and early 30 year old men are starting to outshine them with their youthful presence. But why haven’t they started to change their routine?

Maybe while their appearance is independent and successful…they might still have certain milestones to reach until they are ready to settle down with a lady. If that is the case….maybe the man is not ruined….just not ready to enter into a relationship. However, I pause on this as well…..can’t you build and reach your milestones together with someone? But I let that notion go too….because a man is ready on his own terms. So no since on fighting that war…you will lose. Which also means they are fixable but by their own effort. So maybe I should conclude that when encountering a man that is “indulging in their own swag” consider them “ruined merchandise” at present. Maintain a platonic friendship….afterall they are great people at the core….but if you are seeking anything more at its current state….Beware! Frail hearts will be broken. Move forward and maybe you will meet someone that is ready to also indulge in your “swag” as well. And who knows when any of your platonic male friends will decide to fix thy self and look your way. For their benefit….let’s hope it is not too late.

7 thoughts on “Damaged Goods…Ruined or Fixable?”

  1. You hit the nail on the head. Many of us has a failed marriage or two and afraid of being hurt.

    Best to focus on work And dating the willing.

    I got tired of the merrygoround found. Great woman and got married in 2000. I am happy with two great daughters and. Great wife.

    When men are ready to settle down they will. Till them there are a lot of women who want to play.

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