I will be candid…when researching divorce and impact on children…. I considered the effects by age range. According to various literatures I read, it was cited that divorce impacts kids differently. Numerous examples of possible side effects were given. It seemed that the younger age range are much easier transitioning to change. Which was spot on with my initial assumption. I could handle a year delay of potty training for a two year old and occasional mood swings from a seven year old. I personally thought I rather cope with that than an adolescent teenage son’s screaming match about it is my fault for invoking change to his life or my daughter searching for love of her father and answers from boys that have ulterior motives than her genuine curiosity and candid answers…. Because she shut us out from her thoughts.
Not that I would be all in the clear… I cannot foresee the challenges I will face when my kids reach their teenage years. But I would not want such a major transition like divorce be an issue for them along with the other various stresses of transitioning into adulthood, solidifying aspirations and college applications. So I thought there wasn’t any sense dwelling and prolonging the inevitable. Why keep trying to fit a Phillips screwdriver bit in a slotted screw?
So my decision to complete the divorce while my children were young was what I thought would be best. My kids would be accustomed of having two loving parents but in separate households.
I reflect on the day I told my eldest that daddy and I won’t be living together. His comment was just this: “You and daddy don’t really get along anyway. I just want you to be happy.” Then he preceded on his fixation of wanting a baby brother…and went on and on that maybe I can hurry up and get remarried so I can have another baby. Kids are smarter than you think. Despite how much you try to hide your discontent with each other…..My son was not clueless.
Despite what age your children are, if the situation is unhealthy for you it is not healthy for them either. The timing for me was ideal since we had so much change in our lives over the past few years between new cities and schools. All of which my son seamlessly transition into. I think ultimately kids want their parents to be happy. There may be disappointment and children may not accept change right away. If love from their parents is reinforced and they are comforted that they are not the cause of the separation..I believe they will accept the change.
Reflecting on my Sunday with the kids… They are joyful when their father arrives for basketball clinic in the morning and are content in saying goodbye as we set out to our next venture of the day. They love us both and understand that we can’t do everything together like before. I refer mostly of my son as he is the eldest, the most in-tuned and has had the most adjustment. My daughter is younger and is aware of us both as being profound in her lives. She has adjusted to saying daddy’s house and doesn’t say where is daddy in the morning? I know when she gets older I will have that discussion of why her father and I are not married. But as of now this is my son and daughter’s reality, family portrait, and backdrop setting. I look at them both. I admire their strength, resilience to change and unconditional love that they have for their father and I. Sheesh! They are precious. My kids are alright!