“Divorce Court” Judge Lynn Toler states: “Marriage is not a state of being, it’s a process”

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The one and only “Divorce Court” Judge Lynn Toler stopped by the “Bethenny” show on Monday and offered some words of wisdom on the secret in staying married. From her experience with arbitration between bitter couples and lasting marriage of 25 years and counting to her husband Eric Mumford; she has definitely learned a thing or two.

Judge Toler cites:

“Marriage is not a state of being, it’s a process. I think as you age, as your priorities change, as peoples’ interests change, you have to actively engage in re-learning how to love each other all the time.” 

The famous Judge also shared tips on having fair arguments with your significant other:

“The first thing is timing. You never have an argument when you’re mad about it. Let that go. Wait until there’s a time where everyone’s not angry,” she said. “If you argue with an angry person all they hear is static and they defend and nothing gets resolved.”

The Divorce Court Judge also blogged back in Sept. 2012 how she listened to the complaints of one couple bound for divorce and it was the aid she needed to fix the problems in her marriage when her and Eric hit a snag in their marriage union.

“By year 19, my husband, Big E, and I were off the road and deep in the weeds. Barely speaking, when one of us walked in a room the other would walk out. “He was angry and unhappy and he saw me as the source of both. I, on the other hand, saw him as a jerk, a man who cared nothing for my needs. Of course, as I eventually learned at work, we were both wrong. It was, instead, those unexamined needs that had taken us off the road.”

The daily “Bethenny” show is  hosted by former reality star Bethenny Frankel. I am always impressed with the guests and topics she has on the show. Bethenny, a recent divorcee tends to model her show viewpoint from an independent, strong woman who also has needs for companionship.

My Insights!

While my marriage may not have last, I can definitely concur that Marriage is a process. Anyone can get married, staying married is the difficult part. There is way much more effort in tuning into each other needs, being considerate, compromising, and continuing to love one another through life’s cycles and obstacles. It takes the effort of both people, one person in the union cannot do everything. Well said Judge Lynn Toler!

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