Reflecting on my still brief but yet much eye-opening post divorced life….I reflect on all of my anxieties and fears that I endured since my decision on getting a divorce until now. There was first the fear and uncertainty on how I would be able to handle being a divorcee with two children….then it was the fear of following in my mother’s footsteps….divorced, never re-married, over-worked, once kids become grown life-post children is faced with living as a stroke and heart disease victim.
So as a fresh divorcee….I sub-merged myself in the dating scene. Perhaps I wanted to secure my prospects of finding husband number two before approaching the age of 40, while I still have some sex appeal and able to bear children. Boy, have I met some characters. Now reflecting, while I personally felt I was healed and over my past marriage once I filed the divorce papers, I didn’t really give myself a chance to re-discover and define myself post-marriage. I didn’t allow time to adjust to the divorcee life-style and living a fulfilling life sans a man. Don’t get me wrong, my life has always been fulfilled with children’s school and activities, vacations, spending time with friends, gym time and work….but I always had someone there to share, vent, or blame my life’s wonders and wrongs with and on someone. So, admittedly, upon meeting new prospects, I was eager to continue my life’s chapter and replacing old shoes with new ones, without missing a beat. So, I was always quick to open up and share the intricacies of my day at work without fully vetting out a lad. Don’t get me wrong, I ask all of the right questions…and they always provide the right answers. What are they looking for in a woman? What are their aspirations/ goals? Have they ever dated a person with children? Do they want children? Are they looking to getting to know someone on a serious level or just dating? Where they are in their career? And so on and on.
While I am still the upbeat, independent and feisty woman who just oozes firecracker personality without even trying. But those weekends when the children are away, have been the most difficult. Admittedly, I am a serial-monagamer. I always been in a relationship. Prior to marriage, I dated my college sweetheart for over six years and my highschool sweetheart for four years before that. So, experiencing life as a single woman has always been brief. I was always swept off my feet by some lad who was willing to be the Knight in Shining Armor committed to being a better boyfriend/ lover than my ex. So I do have my moments of loneliness as a divorcee. My weekends to myself are used to relax, catch up on loose ends and favorite television shows, and spend time with friends. But, initially I had a vision that my ever other free weekend would be filled up with some gent trying to capitalize my free time aiming for his spot to be potential husband number 2. Now after more than over 20 weekends sans the children, I can say that imagination has been left at just that. My weekends have been used primarily in re-visiting and getting to know me without doting on a husband. Very rare has it been occupied with some gent. Of course there is always schedule conflicts!
I have become adjusted and comfortable in my status of a single mother/divorcee. I am alright with spending my weekends solo or with friends. I find equally productive activities to do without the need to include a plus-one or requiring a plus-one. I have adjusted to being a sole-rider. I have accepted to being that super woman with or without her kids to all events.
While it would be awesome to eventually share my life with someone and possibly expand my family, it is not a requirement for me to live a happily fulfilling life. I will not settle for someone who does not value me for the amazingly, smart and charismatic woman who I am. I used to aspire to travel around the world and experience the world’s greatest treasures with someone. Now I aspire to do that on my own. You can’t wait for someone to co-star in your own movie…..the production budget and team may not always be there. So I say to me and to everyone: Embrace your own spotlight. Fulfill life’s experiences as a sole-rider until or never that other half joins you. When that gent or woman does, know that special person is deserving and will be lucky and appreciative to be by your side cherishing all of your expressions and emotions as you both use this world as your canvas.