Over the weekend, I read a few articles from various divorce coaches and dating blogs geared to men in dating divorced women. There was one in particular called “5 Things You Should Know In Dating a Divorce Woman” by Faydra American’s Divorce Coach which I thought was the most accurate. It wasn’t biased, emphasizing emotional baggage or discussing the risk of the woman going back to her ex. I personally thought it was genuine and the most helpful for anyone interested in dating a divorcee. Her key take away was the best thing in following her tips, is what you get in return. She states a divorced woman appreciates a good man and will recognize the qualities in a man that make him special. When the woman knows that the man is genuine, the man will receive the best the divorced woman has to offer. This follows her being comfortable and senses that her male prospect is interested in her above all others, at that time she will shower him with all the wonderful skills she has.
The 5 reasons are approximately accurate to my expectations in dating and my evolution in dating post my divorce. The top 5 things and my insights are below:
1. She’s been put to the test: Emotionally, physically and financially, she has been tested. The divorce process most likely took a toll on her self-esteem, her pocketbook and her appearance. If she is on the market, she has triumphed over heartache and headache to be available to meet new people. Respect what she has been through and you will get the best she has to give.
My Response: Absolutely! Respect the struggle and realize I and other divorced women are phenomenal women! We wear our battle wounds as stripes of honor.
2. She’s going to be gun-shy: A divorced woman has been through an experience that has helped her grow and become a better person. You will receive the benefits of that growth, but there is a price. It may come slowly. A divorced woman has her guard up and she is actively looking for red flags as to your character and intentions. Use the getting-to-know-you phase as an opportunity to ease her mind and create a comfortable environment for her to share herself.
My Response: While I would say I may have my guard up; I like many divorced women are fun-loving and free-spirited individuals. Giving my heart is slow, but that is not abnormal to any woman who has had any significant relationship experience. I aim to avoid repeating past mistakes.
3. For her, it’s kids first, man second: When this lady married for the first time, her priority was her husband. After the children came and the husband left, her allegiance is to her children. You need to be secure in yourself so that you are not threatened by her loyalty and priority to her children. Over time, a divorced woman in a new relationship will be able to comfortably co-mingle motherhood and womanhood.
My Response: Well, that is a no-brainer. Of course my kids come first. This is evident for every single mother. However, I do have time allocated in my life to meet potentials and develop a meaningful relationship. I am very open about my availability and my existing commitments. Any beau of interest, should capitalize on my free-time. I realize that I have much more free-time than I imagined. Eventually, I hope a potential mate will understand the significance of my children and also recognize his importance to my life. See blog post:“Should A Guy Be Accepting of Not Being #1 Priority When Dating A Single Mom”
4. She must be treated like a queen: A divorced woman has been loved and then left. While on her own, she has learned how to take care of her own needs and the needs of her employer, children and community; a one-woman show. What she needs from you is to be treated like a queen. She is not looking for a father for her children, a roommate to help with the bills, or another person to take care of. She is looking for companionship, friendship, and quite possibly some great sex. Focus your attention on being there for her. Get to know her and show her that she means a lot to you as a person, not a parent, or a financial partner.
My Response: Okay, I won’t say the term “Queen”. To me it poses that I am high-maintenance, and I am anti-high-maintenance in everything I do. However, this is accurate in the points where I do not need a provider, another child to take care of or a father for my children. The point of wanting a relationship is finding a best-friend that I can enjoy life’s experiences with, someone who can complement, be supportive of my aspirations and a shoulder to cry on when hiccups in life occur. And of course, explosive sex is a must.
5. Her expectations are higher: A divorced woman has higher expectations about dating. She expects to be the center of a reciprocating interaction. She expects you to pay the bill. She expects that you will treat her with respect and interest. A divorced woman knows when a man is interested in her and she will have less tolerance for game playing. If she has kids, she knows all about manipulation.
My Response: My experiences with relationships and marriage, has allowed me to quickly see through games. I may not call the person out on it right away, but I am attuned. As someone more mature, I have limited time to deal with games. I dish out what is given to me. For a potential soul mate, I do have high expectations, but nothing more than being genuine with your intentions, respecting me and not being selfish and greedy to satisfy your own fantasies. And of course compatibility and someone willing to do the work to foster a relationship. Now, I don’t expect someone to pay the bill all the time. That is a bit extreme, I am all about being fair and picking up the tab every now and then. But I demand respect and will not tolerate anything less.
For full article please click: http://americasdivorcecoach.us/5-things-you-should-know-before-dating-a-divorced-woman/
I plan to share in the next couple of days, a male blog prospective of what a man should be cautious about in dating a divorced woman, as I thought while less accurate, just as amusing.
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