The Do’s and Don’ts of A Thriving Relationship! A Divorcee Perspective!

Power-Tools-Relationship

When a relationship is genuine, real and solid, there is a sense of security and ease that your bond with your mate is unbreakable and has the foundation to continue thriving. There are certain do’s and don’ts that foster a solid relationship and a thriving marriage. Starting with the “don’ts”, the absence of behavioral factors then the ‘do’s”  the presence of attributes that sustain a healthy intimate relationship:

YOU DON’T…

1. Fear it.

You are not a commitment-phobe. If you are, gotta work it out before your desires of a promising committed relationship become almost reality.

2. Hide anything too substantial from each other unless it is  a surprise that will eventually come to light.

Yeah…that includes everything but the kitchen sink: exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, your desire for marriage and/or children, fantasies of living in Bora Bora, fears, professional failures and successes,  your inner-freak desires and any questions on your sexual orientation. The truth always surfaces, so if you can’t open up to your mate about all of these things, he or she is not for you.

3. Snoop.

If you share everything and there is nothing hidden from each other, then why are you stalking? I know good question. If you feel the need to go through your significant other’s email, phone, social media accounts and friends accounts means you don’t trust the person you are with. Maybe they haven’t given you a reason to, and it is time to bail. Also snooping is violating his or her trust in you. If you felt there was a valid reason, own up to the person and tell them upfront what you did. Two wrongs don’t make a right.  But if you have to snoop, the relationship has no trust, and is probably doomed.

4. Keep your relationship under wraps.

A serious red flag. If your not willing to  introduce your love interest to your friends and family, that means the person is really not that important to you and you probably don’t have any long-term plans with this person.

If you have a great catch, you  are excited to introduce that person to everyone else that is important in your life, random people, acquaintances, and colleagues.

5. Think you’re better than your mate.

If you think your mate is inferior to you– morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally — you’re never going to respect that person as much as you hope to be respected. It is said the best relationships thrive from believing that you actually convinced a person that is more exceptional than you to love you.

6. Be a “Hater” on your mate’s successes.

Jealousy is potent. Not being genuinely supportive and happy of your mate’s success is due to your own insecurities. Healthy competition with your mate, motivating  and building up each other is great. But be-littling, and always trying to be better than your partner instead ofshowering your mate with complements on his achievements, is not healthy for a viable relationship.

7. Substance abuse and behavioral issues trump your union.

No further explanation needed.

8. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.

Keep the dirty laundry at home behind closed doors

9. Expect more than companionship and friendship from your relationship: Looking for an upgrade!

Don’t look for your significant other to make you into a person you desire. This includes supporting you financially, resolving your emotional issues, up-grading your social status, increasing your social network, provide you with a family your missing. If you are looking for someone to validate you or provide you with things that you are not comfortable living without and hope to attain from your mate, question your genuity.

10. Pull them away from friends and become “Ghost” to yours.

While you are an awesome mate, you can’t be everything. Friends also provide fulfillment and an outlet to be yourself. Plus, two people all up under each other all the time, become tired of each other. Plus, in the event your relationship expires, your friends will be there with the Kleenex. Don’t alienate yourself from friends.

11. Lose yourself.

While it is tempting to be totally engulf in your relationship, don’t lose sight on what made you. If you used to volunteer, exercise, socialize and network, still keep doing that. Maybe it has to be modified, but don’t lose sight of your passions, hobbies and goals in life. This is what made you the wonderful person your mate fell in love with. Don’t give up your passions for anyone, they may not be there for the long haul.

12. Have a secret plan B.

If you’re where you need to be, the concern of your mate leaving you behind do not enter your brain.

13. Have much drama.

Your routine has been settled. The pet peeves of each other you learned to accept and live with them.

YOU DO…

14. Put your heart on the line.

If you’re not risking having your heart broken, you’re not doing it right.

15. Respect the people your mate is closest to.

Despite your personal feelings, you respect the connection your mate has with their friends and families.

16. Be their number one cheerleader.

You both should inspire each other to be their best.

17. Humble yourself.

Accept that you are not perfect. You make mistakes, you have annoying ways about you. Maybe you are not the best communicator, lover, or listener. Humble yourself and aim to improve your imperfect ways.

18. Discuss, try and repeat….sex.

Converse on what works and doesn’t in the bedroom. Make sure you know the fundamentals on how to please your mate and likewise. Keep trying til you get it right.

19. Talk about all of your opinions.

Discuss your political, religious and ethical views on life. Should be on the same page or accepting of each other’s differences.

20. Fight.

Arguing provides a better understanding of each other. A healthy argument builds and does not tear your bond.

21. Have silent time

Nothing wrong with sitting next to each other without stimulating conversation.

22. Have confidence when your mate is away.

When your mate is away experiencing the world, trust that he will return and respect your bond with each other while apart. Have trust.

23. Maintain your physique.

Aids your confidence if you are satisfied with your appearance. Your mate will appreciate it too.

24. Divide, conquer and compromise.

Delegate your life’s tasks according to each of your strengths. One of you is better at being organized, outgoing, creative, money manager, listener and etc.   The outcome will be in each other’s favor. Compromise on desires and wants..including hobbies, sexual fantasies and etc.

25. Observe.

Notice your mate’s quirks, what makes them laugh, and what boils their temper. It is all about gaining a better understanding and learning your mate.

26. Make time.

To build and maintain a foundation, taking time to share with each other is key.

27. Do something romantice from time to time

Put a smile on your mate’s face by a romantic gesture. Send flowers or surprise your mate with tickets to his or her favorite team.

28. Just know.

Know your mate is uniquely designed for you. If that person is not already your spouse, “put a ring on it” or make him your “Prince Charming”.

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