Do You Just Mirror A Prospect’s Actions Or Also Initiate?

We as women are told, not to put forth any efforts beyond what our male prospects extend.  Let the man lead and initiate. There is an article by Evan Marc Katz that informs women to just “Mirror” the guy’s actions. This results in women avoiding dealing with a guy that has commitment phobia or just doesn’t want to commit with you.


The gist of mirroring is:

– If he calls, you call back

– If he text you text back

– If he tries to make plans with you, make plans with him.

If he tells you he loves you, tell him you love him back.

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According to the article, it also means that men reveal themselves in their efforts. Basically, don’t listen to their words but actions. So basically, don’t initiate.

– If he doesn’t call you, don’t call him.

– If he doesn’t text you, don’t text him.

– If he doesn’t make plans with you, don’t make plans with him.

– If he doesn’t tell you he loves you, don’t tell him you love him.


That sounds like an easy and effective system. Men want to lead so let them. However, when I do engage with many men over this topic, there has been resounding agreement that there are times the male species just gets caught up in life, become forgetful and busy. Yes all the lame excuses we as women are like “whatever”. They make a point to state they appreciate a woman who initiates contact. Sometimes they like to know if a woman is genuinely interested before wasting their time, they become shy, and not every gent has the alpha male behavior. Men agree that they are not always the best communicators, and at times need a push.

Hey, the dating world is a cat and mouse chase. There are a plethora of men and women who are great catches, especially in a metropolitan city like New York.  I have had a few guys tell me that if a woman is assertive  in nature and interested they will initiate. Why put forth the effort with a woman who is not pro-active in wanting to get to know me better when there is someone who is also equally doing the chasing? I am reiterating what I hear. Basically, men want to know there is mutual interest and feelings are in sync.

In my experiences, I have mirrored men actions but also initiated when I had interest. I think of all the opportunities where had I not initiated, I would have missed the wonderful experience of getting to know these great gents. Sure, I come across the men who may not always have my best interest in mind or maybe were not interested. But, surprisingly I have met more wonderful people than sleaze balls. Now do these gents always want to be in a committed relationship with me? No, but it is something I try not to take personally. Most of the time it all has to do with timing and maybe after us both getting to know each other better, the chemistry wanes or qualities in me or that gent are lacking in one way or another.

I believe  “mirroring” goes both ways. Say you initiated a few times, sent a follow-up text or call because you haven’t heard from the person in a few days. If there isn’t reciprocity and he is not “mirroring” your efforts back then you stop the initiation and press forward. I agree with Evan Marc’s point in his article where he does state:

Men reveal themselves in their efforts. Their words don’t mean a thing.

If he calls, if he makes plans, if he commits, he’s interested.

If he doesn’t – if you feel you have to remind him that you’re alive and interested – let him go. He doesn’t deserve you.

So I believe you should “Mirror”, Initiate, but if there is no mirroring back…Let It Go and Let Life Flow!

For complete article by Evan Marc Katz:

What Are Your Thoughts? Should You Just Let The Man Take The Lead? Is It Alright To Initiate?

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3 thoughts on “Do You Just Mirror A Prospect’s Actions Or Also Initiate?”

  1. Great article and fantastic read! I agree with you totally. Mirror and initiate, but if there is no mirroring back…say goodnight and keep it moving. As a guy this is one those things that you always remember. I can’t speak for the ladies, but the downside as a guy is that it becomes painful after you drop a ridiculous amount of time, money and energy on dates, flowers, chocolates, movies, trips, picnics and “just because” gifts only to figure out that your efforts are not being reciprocated. Just like a flower cannot grow without water and sunlight, the same holds true for a relationship.

    On the flip-side, sometimes it is just nice to know that you are appreciated and that there is someone out there who will do anything for you…for no other reason than just because they love you, deeply care about you and adore you….but at some point there has to be balance through reciprocation.

    Again great article and great read!

  2. This article definitely was a good read. I can’t seem to figure out the guy I’ dealing with. Sometimes, I’ll get a “good morning” text or an invitation to spend time, but lately it’s always “work”. My confusion is in men putting forth some effort sometimes, but not consistently. My gut says maybe he likes me, but doesn’t want a committed relationship, but then why the sometimes? Don’t get me wrong, he says I’m his girlfriend, and he’s mine, he shares personal information with me, says I’ll meet his kids, and speaks of marriage in the future…? Yet he sticks to his guns about “work” being the reasons I don’t see him hardly or even talk to him much. Comments? Feedback?

    P.S.. Today I tried really hard, and didn’t text or call him at all. Of course I didn’t hear from him, but this has happened before..

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