I have been asking”Why Am I So Sensitive?” to myself for months. Now don’t get me wrong I am a strong, independent, almost fearless woman. However, I will say since being divorced, the sensitivity that has been buried under my thick skin is now exposed to everyone. I have always reveled on being the one in my crew with the strong backbone. The one who had it all together. While I still come off with the appearance of getting things done, handling everything, I do think the exact task of handling everything has worn on my patience. I have been worn to the bone.
I used to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Acknowledge all of my friends, male and female alike shortcomings. However, the incessant bird in my ear keeps telling me, that if I am able to manage a demanding career (by the way, will have another late night this eve), raise two kids, maintain my chaotic household, frequently post on my blog, take care of bills, plan family and self vacations, manage my children’s father schedule with our children and yet manage to have a social life, exercise routine and able to follow-up and reciprocate all of my friend’s energy…..why should I give anyone else an excuse?
Why I Absolutely Should Not!!! Should I become annoyed that I worked a 10 hour day, managed to observe my son’s school presentation, but his father work demands precluded him from doing so? Should I also be annoyed that someone accuses me of not being understanding of their hectic work week, because they were not able to return a phone call, when I too, had a similar type of week but also add my daily morning commute with two children fighting over who is pressing the elevator button and complaining about being exposed to the inclement weather? However, I manage to quickly return a call.
Yes, I will admit I do feel underappreciated. I feel my efforts are unnoticed at times. There is no one to offer a helping hand, at the end of the day it is all on me. So my temper does boil at times, I sometimes explode over stupid things. I am human. I am overworked. I am tired. So I am sensitive. So before you put me in the “crazy” box. Just understand my strife, my daily battle. It is all good! I still have love for everyone, I just act up at times. Just understand the background. My numbness to disregard, lack of consideration, insensitivity, lack of gratitude, or empathy is razor-thin. I am sensitive!
What irks me even more so, is those that are a part of my life feel they have to walk on egg shells around me. Be real, I am sensitive…but at the end of the day, I am a survivor. I am conquering and need real people surrounding me and the fake to steer away. I am sensitive darn it!