“Damaged Goods Part II”- Don’t Expect Much! Avoid Disappointment- Should This Be The New Mantra In Dating? “

“Don’t Expect Much! As When You Do….Expect To Be Disappointed.

I ask myself should this be the new mantra in dating? Now I know all

the relationship books tell you to “Be Open To Receiving Love”. However, what about all those “Sly Foxes”, especially in the New York Metro area?  Ready to salivate on my “naive” approach in dating, actually any women who has a vulnerable signal. These Crocodiles have years of experience in the dating realm…“They Got Game!”

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These are the men which I refer to as “Damaged Goods” in my blog post “Damaged Goods- Ruined or Fixable?”.  The mid-to-late 30s to early mid 40s. Never been married, no children or divorced with no real effort in re-visiting marriage. The “Happily Single” Male.

These gents express similar interests, offer advice, laugh at your corny jokes, are intrigued by your life story, share their iTunes selection, acknowledge and appear accepting of your current life’s accomplishments and struggles. You begin to think,

“Wow! This guy gets me, he is a great conversationalist, he is fascinated by me..look at the way his eyes twinkle when gazing into mine. Hmmm this might be a real connection”.

You become optimistic on where this might lead. You are mesmerized by the possibilities and your expectations of this gent have started to elevate. What you don’t notice, is he is making sure your glass of “Liquid Courage” stays full as you discuss the intimate details of your life over cocktails. There is a method to his madness.

These men have one target “Bulls Eye”….the Goalie of your two legs parallel in the air. Maybe not that night, but soon. Real soon….they want another trophy to mantle on their head-board. The sense of conquering is a boost to their already super-charged ego. As these men are successful in every aspects in life: career, financial, family, community and popularity amongst friends. So of course, being popular and getting their way with women only adds to their overall status.

You are a great catch yourself, so naturally you expect men you meet to see more than the physical attributes you bring to the table.  You are a professional educated, independent woman who can relate to the C-Suite corporates and the round-the-way gang. You are funny, attractive, and just a cool person to be around. You have much to offer and value your accomplishments in life. You have hopes of finding a life-long partner, would like to start a family or if divorced (like myself) a second chance in love. However, the numbers game is not in your favor. It is in the favor of the “Sly Fox”.

You the optimistic woman, think that this is different for this gent. Afterall, shouldn’t he be tired of the dating scene, having random relationships that lead to nowhere? He express his interests of wanting to settle down, starting a family and etc. And you give him the benefit of the doubt. You discount the many tales of his past failed relationships and rendezvous. Maybe the “Bulls Eye of my legs in parallel stance!” is not the only target he is reaching. But that target is a more approachable and simpler goal than the latter in his eyes. As he has conquered that goal many times before…however conquering true love remains a void.

As a hopeless romantic who is optimistic in finding love….you listen and hear this gent’s story. You give this man the “benefit of the doubt” and not only divulge your struggle but attempt to understand the background of his “Suave” that is known by others as “Game Precision”. After courting for a while and yes there are one or a few sexual encounters shared…which of course are mind-blowing. Yes, you fell for the “Suave” and this is what this gent does best. The excitement of the relationship fades. Inconsistencies begin to flair in what he says and what he does. He has achieved his “Bulls Eye” target. The gent does not have the qualities nor wants to put forth the effort in fixing his weaknesses and work on developing anything more meaningful than what he knows best. He lacks experience and doesn’t want to learn.

When digressing over his personal life situations, he chooses to handle it alone. He doesn’t let you in beyond light and fun moments and shared cocktails. He immerses himself with friends when times become tough and he doesn’t want to face reality.  Or better yet, a new “conquest”. Instead of despising him for luring you in and filling your brain with false hopes….you begin to feel pitiful for this gent. While the surface is a “Sly Fox” who is ambitious, confident and has everything together….he is internally lonely. You’ve gotten to know this gent and are aware of what he truly seeks. However, he is a lost cause, beyond repairable. You hope he will get it one day….but you realize, you can’t exert anymore efforts. It is not your job to fix him. The heartache is too unbearable. It is time to pick up and move forward in hopes for meeting someone more deserving. Afterall, you are a “Hopeless Romantic”. You still have hopes for a love connection, but with a dimmer light……

Lesson learned! Don’t Expect Much! Expect Disappointment. Maybe Next Time You Will Actually Be Surprised!

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Do You Believe Having Low Expectations When Dating Helps To Avoid Disappointment? Your Thoughts?

 

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