“The woman who provides him with the less stress is the woman who he is going to seek to spend most of his time with”

via Instagram @dearwomenihaventsleptwith  This gentleman has authored a book which I highly recommend. Please visit www.dwihsw.com to download his book.

 

Now don’t get me wrong I am an advocate of not stressing out your man, especially if he is internalizing other issues. Just let the man be! I totally get it.  However there are certain situations where I  and my friends alike have not really practiced what I preach. I have been the “Stressor” where there was a wedge in the relationship. Now I will say us women are not always at fault, and men drive us there. But sometimes it is self-inflicted.

Situation 1: Caught Up In Awe of The Potential

Now every woman has experienced this. The men that are fascinated with you are spot-on with their chase, however your interests are not in sync, therefore your eagerness does not reciprocate the gent’s efforts.  Or maybe the person is of great potential, but it is already implanted in your head that the timing is off (he is in a relationship and/or working on ending the relationship) or you are geographically incompatible (he lives in a different city but frequents to your area for work). Thus, you have adjusted your expectations that a possible meaningful thriving relationship will likely not develop. The dating process with these fellas is nice and slow, they reach out, you play it smooth and casually date and see each other. Friendships are developed, it is all good! However, you get caught up in the awe of the potential of that great catch who happens to live on your side of town or within reasonable distance, where convenience and potential compatibility is in your favor. Instead of playing it cool, you are the aggressor. The awe-factor is so overwhelming, you are eager to see and spend time with this gent as soon as possible. You have developed such a deep like of the “potential” …you want real-time answers. Is he feeling the same way you are feeling? After date 3 or 4 they become side-tracked with work or other personal issues. The raised eyebrow of doubt appears. You follow-up more than you usually would. You want to keep that “potential” in full flow. “Are You Starting To Become That Annoying Chick?”  Yes!!! You haven’t even made it through a month of courting and already appear too eager. The gent senses this, while his genuine like may be at the same level initially. He begins to feel overwhelmed. This causes him “Stress” and he feels “Over-Crowded”. Guess you should have just played it cool and controlled your freaking emotions!

Situation 2: You Dig The Dude But Are Uncertain Of Your “Relationship Status”

Now you have dated this gent for a few months, a stress-free relationship where each of you have your personal space.  Feelings have developed, and you are vulnerable. Rightfully, it is that pivotal time where you bring up the topic of your future together. Your gent suddenly gets Commitment-itis and starts acting funny. As a woman who has invested time and effort in building your relationship  is now vulnerable. The initial topic of your future was supposed to be a happenstance event with an easy answer. Well whatever “Jumble” you received, just made the budding relationship more “Complicated”. There is a huge question mark behind your relationship! You are more clueless than before. So whatever stress and happenings going on in your man’s life now takes a back seat to the affirmation of your “Relationship Status“.  In the lenses of the gent: he is enjoying the present with you and you are now making it complicated. You are now “Stressful” to be around.

Situation 3: You Feel Under-appreciated

The gent is clueless or he is appreciative of all your efforts in contributing to the relationship, holding him down, household,and building that empire but doesn’t express his gratitude. He just maybe unaware of your daily struggle and efforts. The strong woman you are, eventually vocalize your feelings of neglect and lack of empathy. In the best interest of the gent, he Hears you the First Time, Acknowledges and Adjust. He caters to his special woman. However, in many cases, this concern goes through one ear and out the other. The Cause: “Ignore” The Effect: Nagging. Unnecessary stress caused by his woman because the gent decided to disregard her feelings the first time. Refer to Blog Post “The Taming of The Shrew/Bugaboo”

Have You Caused Your Mate Undue Stress? Or You Are Stress-Free Chick That Men Gravitate To? Your Insights Are Greatly Appreciated!

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