Here is my article published on Michael Fiore’s digitalromanceinc.com
You were in a lengthy relationship. You vested your time and effort, opened up about your deepest secrets and feelings, shared intimate memorable moments that have molded you into the person you are today and will cherish and remember a lifetime.
Your mate was your best friend, lover, confidant, the person that you count on when there was no one else to turn to. Now all of a sudden, the relationship that you thought would continue forever has been disrupted. Both of your long-term desires of exploring life together is no longer shared. The demise of your relationship possibly ended mutually and amicably or could have been a brutal break-up. However, the love and sincerity of each other’s well-being is still there.
When the relationship ends where does the love go?
A heart takes time to heal. Some may need time before moving on to date others. But does that love for that person who was once your Ace dissipates?
Of course not.
Can you move forward and have a platonic friendship?
In most cases, I believe so. However, unfortunately in some cases, there is too much hurt and heartache to conjure up a friendship once two people say their goodbyes.
For the former: Here are ways to keep it copesthetic with your ex:
Be understanding of each other’s differences in their wants and desires in life. Not every relationship is meant to be a happily ever after. Maybe a person did not see marriage in their future, the person wanted some space to explore life without being tied down in a relationship, or just realized that both of you were not that compatible. Understand their point of view. Hatred and resentment will not work if you wish to foster an amicable relationship with your ex.
2. Respect The Boundaries.
You are no longer a couple. Therefore, you can’t expect to order take-out and watch NetFlix on a Friday night. Nor, can you expect your ex to be as responsive to all of your daily complaints and accomplishments. They have moved on, and possibly dating someone else that requires a priority to their attention. Remove any expectations of possible intimacy.You are not being a true friend to that person if you have an ulterior motive to possibly reignite the romance.
3. Take Time to Heal.
If your heart is not completely healed, it is difficult to be an unbiased friend to your ex. As noted in point 2. Give yourself a break from your ex to mend your heart and deal with any unresolved issues. This could mean weeks, months or even a year from the date of your break-up. Take care of yourself first before trying to establish a friendship with your ex.
4. Keep the self-reflection of the memorable moments shared with each other to yourself.
Yes, I am sure your ex sometimes thinks about the better times of the relationship you had with each other. However, your ex does not want to feel uncomfortable around you, by you constantly sending out reminders of the passion shared during that weekend getaway nor how you nursed him or her back to health when they had a cold.
Trust me…your ex knows the great attributes and the wonderful times shared, apparently that is why you two are able to remain friends. However, the relationship ended regardless and he or she has moved on with their lives. Stay out of the past and in the present. Enjoy and respect the newly formed platonic friendship.
5. Surround yourself with other friends.
Do not overly rely on your ex’s friendship in coping with life. As time goes on, expect distance between the two of you. Life happens. People move on. Your friendship with your ex will not always be their priority. Embrace your independence. You are not their significant other anymore. Build and establish friendships with others that you can rely on in the future. Start new life experiences with someone else, whether it is a new prospect, your crew or family.
6 thoughts on “Can You (and Should You) Maintain a Friendship With Your Ex? As Published on DigitalRomanceInc.”
I love this! I was married for 8 years and when we divorced it felt to me like losing a family member. How can people just cut ties completely in a situation like that, I don’t know? When he remarried I backed off of our friendship a lot because I wanted to respect his new wife’s space. But, we both know that if ships hit the fan (I. E. zombie apocalypse) we would be there for each other to help fight of the hoards.
In a way, me backing off because he got married, was an act of friendship in and of itself.
Glad you love it! Agreed! You have to give the other person space to move on..that is a true friend.
I was able to keep a relationship of friendship after I broke up with my ex of seven years, it took a lot of forgiveness as you said and respect of boundaries. But today on she may best female friend and so glad for it, she knows every flow and every good thing
Glad you can relate. Yes respect of boundaries is key!
I don’t think I can ever be friendly with my ex. He betrayed me and our family so thoroughly throughout the divorce and even after…it will be a miracle if I can find a way to let the bitterness go. That is my goal. But for me, not for his sake. I am so jealous of those of you who can have that kind of relationship. You are very lucky.
I understand. Letting the bitterness go for you to press forward in life is important.