In this week’s issue of People Magazine, Michael Douglas speaks about marriage during his interview promoting his new romantic comedy co-starring Diane Keaton “And So It Goes”. This follows a year of him and his spouse Catherine Zeta-Jones restoring their marriage following a brief break from each other. In his marriage, there are hints of him taking his wife for granted.
“Like a lovely orchid, or anything else that’s nurtured, marriage prospers and grows, but if it’s ignored, it withers.”
“A lot of it has to do with age. When you’ve accomplished a certain amount in your career, you’re not so focused on your ambitions. It makes you appreciate – and hopefully you do that sooner rather than later – the value of your partner.”
Marriage- My Insights!
As a girl you are taught to find your Prince Charming, get married, and start a family. You will then live “Happily Ever After”! Yeah sure go to college so you can support yourself but also go there to find your potential husband. If single and approaching your 30s are well in your 30-something years, you are chastised by your family over when you are getting married.
There is more discussion on getting to the altar, hooking a guy or woman to fall in love with you. But not much on maintaining that love, and nurturing your relationship when that love bug has gone awry.
Through my seven years of marriage, it wasn’t a rosy fairytale. The first year of marriage, the reality hits. Walking on clouds, hands interlocked with each other, spooning and intimacy until eternity is a dream that ends with the honeymoon. Co-habitating, discovering each other roles in your marriage and household, developing relationship with your now extended family (The In-Laws), become to creep at your once worry-free independent lifestyle. They call the first year one of the toughest years of marriage. I will say, I thought that the first year was the toughest….but then you meet year five and six.
Now if you survive the surface of compromise and understanding each other pet peeves, the two of you maybe in good shape. However, life always tests your dedication to each other. Career demands, family additions, health issues, temptation from all types of vices take away from your attention and time to cater your spouse. These moments are the most critical times when nurturing is required. Communicate, acknowledgement and empathizing with your spouses emotions is critical. Compromise and agreeing to disagree on certain issues is paramount.
Lack of communication and time can lead to misunderstanding, resentment and possibly seeking consolation outside of marriage. Your spouse and you may feel unappreciated and taken for granted.
Now in the single life, I meet many individuals that have no clue on what it takes to build a solid relationship, male and female alike. Never been married, but strive to attain that goal. Afterall it is part of the American Dream, matter-of-fact it is the global dream. Success in career, success in family equates to success in life. They search for certain attributes, I want a mate who is driven, goal-oriented, attractive, independent, caring and attentive. The checklist goes on and on.
Yet when the storm rushes in, their insecurities or vulnerability is surfaced. Which in my opinion, is okay. No one is made of steel, and there are times in life where you are tested. However, the immediate responses are: “Oh He Is Too Sensitive, I Can’t Deal!” or “She Is Too Needy”— and not because that is who they are in everyday lives, but there was an unforeseen circumstance that occurred. Shouldn’t they feel that they can go to their mate or potential mate for emotional support? Or the person turns away from their partner and deals with the issue on his or her own and shuts the mate out. How can you co-exist with someone if you cannot let someone in at your most vulnerable moments? These in my opinion are not deal-breakers, but tests on whether you can weather the storm when the clouds hide away the sunshine of blossoming love.
Marriage, relationships, friendships are all built upon life experiences. Infatuation is based on initial attraction and commonalities shared. But love and the stretch of how far love for one another goes, is based on how willing and determined you are in nurturing that bond, that relationship, that marriage. Like An Orchid Marriage Must Be Nurtured!
Please Share Your Thoughts On How Your Relationship Was Put To The Test And How You Overcame It Or Not?