The other day I read this quick read book titled “Flag On The Play- A Woman’s Guide To Finding Mr. Right In A World Full Of Right Nows” written by Dena Reid Esq. with Mandee Burgess who is also one of the creators of the social website CodeRedFlag.com. I truly thought it was a great quick read, insightful and allowed me to reminiscence on certain signs I have encountered through my dating life that I fell for or my girlfriends have in the past and present and caution me on certain actions from prospective gents. The book provides thorough analysis of several real-life scenarios where the author and reader point out signs from the gent’s actions that indicate he may not be “Keeper Material”
The book breaks down 10 characters a woman should avoid:
1) Mr. Hudson River Valley: Separated Means Married– Whoa! I seem to run in these guys everywhere. I remember meeting a guy who was going through a divorce in my mid-20’s..I didn’t know where the guy lived, only had his cell phone. My girlfriends warned me and I eventually moved on. However, while not true in all cases…he did eventually get a divorce and once he found out I was married he eventually re-married someone else. I have been the Mrs. Hudson River Valley version. There was at least a year I was “actively” going through the divorce process. I also didn’t expect any gent to take me seriously either. Open communication is imperative. So understanding my situation, I have met the gents post divorce that are freshly finalizing their divorces or dragging their feet through the separation process. However, you can get to the root of whether they are “actively” getting a divorce or not through asking the right questions and noticing patterns. Or you can make the stance that he can check you once his divorce is finalized.
2) Mr. Burger King: He Likes It His Way- This guy treats women as objects and possessions. According to the book, he may have one of many other girlfriends, thus he is not exclusive with you. He is upfront with his intentions but with a Rico Suave twist. He tends to prey on vulnerable women. He may indeed care for you…but that is about the extent of a relationship will be. He could one day surprise you and tell you he is now in an exclusive relationship, just not with you. As you tolerated his lower expectations, why would he want you as his girlfriend?
3) Mr. Rolling Stone: Multiple Children With Different Women– This guy has had many relationships with many women and have implanted his seed without much regard to establishing a future with these women. The book discusses how many single women over 30 expect many potential mates to have children. However, in my opinion you should look at all gents relationship patterns with caution. There are many guys that have just had luck on their side but are still rolling from one bed to the next. Being a divorcee from a marriage seven plus years with two kids from one man who may one day re-marry and could possibly have another child with a different man is a bit sensitive to this. However, it is in large contrast with a man who has children from multiple women where there wasn’t an established relationship nor intentions to wed them. I believe you can’t put a general categorization, as each person has a different story. But, I will agree these guys did not have any priority in making their baby mothers into honest women.
4) Mr. Bellevue: Don’t Commit Me– Well this is Deja Vu like right now for me. This is the guy who has been in a series of serious relationships…he discusses how he was almost close to getting engaged to at least two of his past love interests….but it never reached fruition. This is the guy who has friends that are married and are miserable and a marriage commitment is like what the author says being committed to the famous psych ward in New York-Bellevue. There may be love there, but the guy feels he is not ready for a relationship. However, the woman is committed to him. Maybe he is waiting to make more money, be more successful in his career, or just wants to enjoy life sans a committed relationship. But the key word is he is not “ready”. No matter what you do, it will not change that. Like the author says: the guy has to accept the fact that he is as ready today as he will be tomorrow. This has been a hard pill to swallow for me. As I feel some of these men, the older ones have opened their heart once before and are scared to allow that to happen again or life throws unexpected events and they lack the confidence that they can persevere through those events with a partner. Well, whatever it is, don’t waste your time…as a woman you will end up heart-broken.
5) Mr. Cliff Jumper: Sexing Is Not Dating- This guy is only interested in sex and not dating. Everyone has definitely came across this gent more than once, especially in the New York Metro area. When your main source of meeting potentials are through online dating sites and after work social affairs, you always come across the gent who has only short-term goals in mind. Know the signs…is he only wanting to visit you at your house or is he vesting time in taking you out on actual dates? Make sure you are not a booty call, jump off or friends with benefits as the author describes.
6) Mr. Hide and Seek- This is the guy who you had that fabulous date with then not hear from him for weeks. I am definitely familiar with this guy…and usually this gent is just not into establishing anything serious. Just wants to pop up when he feels like having your company.
7) Mr. Friendly; Oh She’s Just A Friend– This is the guy with a handful of lady friends. I know many men who have a plethora of lady friends. I am also guilty as well, I have a few platonic friends of the opposite sex. Many men I know are just very popular giving what their line of work or side hustles are. They could be party promoters, sales men or into event marketing, where it is necessarily a part of their business. Just make sure you do your research and decipher which friend is legitimate (whether there was past relations or not) or is someone who he currently hooks up with.
8) Mr. Straight No Chaser: I Don’t Chase- I feel like most of the professional men in the New York Metro Area fall under this category. These are the men who are interested but feel they are such a great catch they wait for the woman to initiate the effort. As the book describes, these guys are used to receiving attention, that they do not need to exhaust any efforts. But will become annoyed and disappointed when they do see you, inquiring why you haven’t called him. I agree us women should put some effort to reciprocate actions, but no effort from a man is a Big No No! Unfortunately, in this day and age, everyone is paranoid of appearing thirsty, that it has impacted the traditional pursuit and chivalry in dating.
9) Mr. Bartender: The Unquenchable Thirst Monster- Now this is the overly desperate guy. The one you wish the guy you were chasing would act like, but toned down a notch. I have met attentive guys, but sometimes there are the occasional over-the-top gents, you have to treat with caution. As you fear that they may do harm upon themselves or you if your interest is not in sync with theirs. These gents are always professing their love, adjusting their schedule and life around you. Now these aspects are normally positives, but done to an extreme where your safety becomes into question, is where the line is drawn.
10) Mr. Keep It On The Down Low: I have encountered this guy and I immediately raised my eyebrow and called him up on it. And let’s just say that was short-lived. According to the book, this is the guy who is content in spending time with you behind closed doors or at small and secluded locations maybe even trips out-of-town. Yet, live an active social life and are close to their family, neither of which you have experienced. You haven’t met their friends, co-workers or family. Maybe one or two of his closest friends, the ones that have their dude’s back anyway if he was trying to scheme on you. So knowing them doesn’t even matter.
The book sheds more insight in all of these characters, with relatable scenarios. This book is a definite must read for all the single women that are actively dating. Also see my blog post “Situationships” where I discuss relationship-like situations, that us women tend to get involved in.