A few days ago I shared an article that was posted on EliteDaily.com Ladies, The Smarter You Are, The More Likely You Are To Be Single“ I had a personal connection and resonated with the author’s tone in her article. I deem myself as intelligent, independent and strong. While warm-spirited and fun-loving and uninhibited to life’s offerings, all characteristics that gents initially love about me, I am also a go-getter and am persistent in my plight, whether be in career, finances or love. I vocalize my thoughts and do not dummy-down my awareness to B.S. On paper, I have attained the multiple degrees and certifications, endured the Corporate America battle as a single, African American woman, I am well-traveled and knowledgeable of world cultures and cuisines. I have experiencee the picket fence with kids and a dog…The American Dream…and have seen the backdrop setting change to a high-rise apartment with New York City views struggling to afford the best life for my two sprouts. I have attained wisdom from life and have been aggressive in all of my pursuits in life.
I also live in a society where many of the prospects I have met may not have yet experienced or obtain the knowledge that I have from my over 35 years of living me. While initially encouraged and proud of my accomplishments. There is a sprinkle of intimidation, lack of commitment until the gent feels he accomplishes certain goals or achieve a certain status in career or target income before pursuing a relationship further. Then there are the worldy fellows, that while excited they have met a woman they can share their thoughts and experiences who can provide feedback on theirs as well…eventually give a disdain expression when I share too much of my life experiences or have a contradictory opinion to his thoughts. Basically, they want someone to dote on them and all of their accomplishments, a caterer. While supportive in my potential gent’s aspirations, I also expect the same support and respect.
When the question of my career is asked, I see myself muffling the word Finance….not going into any further detail, thinking if I delved a bit further it might scare a gent away. Or once I do embellish and they are intrigued and admire my career aspirations, respect my hustle with two kids at home, a blogger that manages to have a social life and a gym enthusiast. They become a bit overwhelmed…the competitive mentality begins to overtake them, or become frustrated and think I won’t have the time to dote on them. If they past this test, they realize I am aggressive and attentive to all of my roles in life including being a potentially great partner.
The pursuer of my heart welcomes my attentiveness and initiative to reciprocate his courting efforts with open arms. However the wisdom attained over the years from marriage and dating is asked to be locked. Forbid me of asking where a relationship is going or speaking my opinion on a gent’s intentions and not just turning my head to the side when I believe the jumble I hear are thoughtless excuses. Pardon my approach when I matter-of-factly in a gentle way call you on your shortcuts of not being a true gentleman. Please excuse my side-eye when I had the same stressful day but was able to multi-task and send a one-minute text or phone call. And don’t mind me if I become confused when I think it is the standard protocol to not speak for a few days, when you question my disappearance or do not comprehend your frustration when I have an active dating life but you haven’t discussed us in any form of “exclusivity” to date. My apologies that I do not believe in gender roles but just believe in manners and respect when it comes to dating and relationships.
My aggressiveness is appreciated and encouraged as we flirt and discuss intimate indiscretions….However, my boldness when sharing my thoughts, opinions and what I deserve as a lady are asked to be toned down.