I will not say that my divorce did not have any impact on my sprouts lives. I notice my son is at times more quiet than usual. He has had to step up and be the man around the house in his father’s absence. My daughter well she is just too young to notice any difference, except that mommy and daddy have two different places to live, and wonders if she is going to daddy’s house or mommy’s house this weekend. I will say that she is quick to call out for daddy when she does not get her way. But I think being Daddy’s Little Girl and spoiled, her behavior would still be the same despite her parent’s status.
For the most part, the two are still very vibrant and happy beings. I owe that in keeping their routine pre-divorce as in-tact as possible. Yes, there were moments that I had to explain why certain luxuries in our life had to be removed. But I tried to replace those with more economical-friendly activities. My son whose peers happen to be from the affluent ilk given the school he attended, did not always understand why all of his buddies were spending winter break away and we stayed at home. But even if I was still married, we were not vacationing in Ireland or France. I chose not to switch my son to another school last year, as I thought too much change would have a deeper impact. This year he will be attending another school with his sister. Which he is excited about as now his sister is of age to attend the same school as him.
It was also important to maintain a great co-parenting relationship. Keep open dialogue, amicable where we can both celebrate birthdays, enjoy their extra-curricular activities together, but plan vacations separate. Despite having primary custody, not neglecting the times when their father wants to do pick-up or drop-off of the children to ensure their sprouts have ample time with both parents.
Also not having a blind-eye towards my sprouts behavior patterns. Observing the highs and lows, the sibling rivalry, and realize that I can’t solve all problems as a single mom and acknowledge the role of their father and hand over the reigns on certain issues to him. Maintain open communication on trying to understand their feelings. Adjusting my work schedule and social life and realize that my sprouts need me more than ever. As I am not the only one that went through this divorce, my kids also endured this major disruption on their lives. Understand their views on our divorce are ever-changing and not static. While initially supportive of my well-being, kids are focused on them and how life changes affect them. As a loving mother, I want the best for my sprouts and while shield them from the unnecessary provide them wisdom of life to eventually step away from my nest and realize not everything is roses.
I am not an expert, I am fortunate to endure this life change while my children are younger. Help to mold them into great individuals and try to establish a solid family atmosphere outside of the traditional walls. I try to keep life as constant as possible and communicate, listen and communicate again.