I was watching an episode of “Sex And The City” and there is a scene where Miranda explains to Charlotte, that what she has is not true love, is just that the man she is dating is ready for marriage. I could not help to reflect on my friends and my own dating experiences.
Basically Miranda explains that it is all about timing. Gotta get a man when their light is on like a New York taxi. Well, I must say that in New York City metro area that statement seems true. Men hunt for their wife when they are ready. Until then, they are just looking for female companionship without any obligations to be attached forever. Unless a man does not specifically state early on in the relationship that they are looking to settle down, they have reached certain milestones and now looking to build a family, there is a large chance that the man is not looking for something serious at the moment.
Us women, many of us are programmed to look for our significant life-long partner even if all our ducks are not in order once we have reached our mid-to-late 20s. Let’s face it our biological clock is ticking and we are just better at multi-tasking then men. Yes there are those men who marry those “Ride or Die” chicks that decided they were going to stick around until their man was ready. This was despite the fact that their man was not ready emotionally, reached maturity or financially to be the man they deserved. In many cases, they put their wants and desires in life on hold to be this man’s everything and all. Kudos to them. But as you hear of one story of a woman finally getting her happily ever after jumping through hoops to stay by her man, there are ten stories to her one, where the “Ride or Die” chick is left disappointed. I say it is sheer luck or the woman pressured the man to feel guilty in stringing her along in a relationship which he wasn’t ready for that he feels he has to commit. And many times when this happens, it does not end in marital bliss but a marriage full of bitterness. And yes there are the stories that the man became ready during the course of their relationship. But many of those began in their 20s. For a woman in her mid 30s and above, who is ready to build a life with someone should find someone who matches her timing.
Many of us women are not dating smart. We meet men and hear the red flags in the first few dates. These men state how they are focused on their careers, enjoying their life as a happily single male and are not ready to deal with the responsibilities of entering a true committed relationship. Does that make them bad seeds? No! They are just not ready to be the man who you want and deserve, if you are searching for a lasting partnership that leads to marriage.
While you shouldn’t be an interrogator, it is important to ask the right questions and get a sense where their head and focus are. This will prevent future disappointment. Most good-hearted men are straight up with their intentions. If their focus is on their career, enjoying life following a recent divorce or break-up or just building their empire, it is okay. You can still develop a great friendship with that person, keep your own identity, focus on you and continue to date and meet new potentials. Maybe that gent will turn his light on and look your way when he is ready or maybe not. So continue to date smart and not close your date card with someone who has their light off.
TIming is a huge factor in dating. Compatibility and attraction fall second. This is true for women and men alike. So if you are in search for your happily ever after, make sure the gent your pursuing has their light on. If not keep it moving. Don’t force a relationship with someone who is not ready…as you will be disappointed.
Happily Divorced and After 