A Relationship Red Flag! How Long Should You Hold Back Concerns In A Sprouting Relationship Before It Backfires or Good Riddance?

You have met a wonderful gent, he is handsome, charismatic and shows genuine interest in you. The two of you hit it off and enjoy each other’s company.This guy has wonderful qualities and so far it seems your timing in life and priorities are in sync.

Now of course he is not perfect, there are certain nuances you pick up early on. But they are not considered deal breakers, but something that would need to be further dissected. You are still very much interested in getting to know this gent further as the positive qualities outweigh the negatives so far.

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Time goes on and you continue to admire the positives. He is for the most part consistent. The interest in each other is equally yoked. However, there are certain attributes that continue to irk at you. While the budding relationship is still new, you don’t want to be the Debbie Downer and bring them up, as you sense the guy has a very sensitive side. So you withhold your concerns. Certain tragic life events happen where that person needs to shift their focus from you. You are  emotionally supportive and understanding.

You are there to the best of your capacity, as you are not yet fully immersed in the relationship. The two of you have not really gotten a chance to spend much relationship building time together lately, given these certain life events.

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Ongoing stress may have peaked your mate’s sensitivity level. You reach out with good intentions to inquire on his and his family’s well-being. For some reason this time, while disguised in an innocent response, there is some undertone that you take as putting you in your place and highlighting your ignorance on the subject matter. There it goes! That flag you spotted early on nudges at you through his response.  Wow! Do you bite your tongue given the undue stress that gent is going through or attempt to politely address it.

I mean you have been wanting to have a talk about certain topics for a while and the concerns are starting to eat at you. But unfortunately, there has not been much time spent with each other lately giving other competing life issues to vent out your concerns. And of course you do not want to come off as the “Witch”. But you know yourself, if you wait until later the build up of your inner thoughts will eventually be decoded as “Very Witchy”.

So you decide through phone conversation to casually bring it up politely after light conversation on each other’s day and well-being. Boom! It backfires. How insensitive are you to address any concerns that you may have when the person is clearly going through a plethora of life issues. The coldness, the overreaction, the uber sensitive side is apparent.You are now the woman who is “tit for tat”, because you brought up a concern?

You question your judgment. Hey you’re not perfect. You realize that maybe you could have bit your tongue for another day or two. So, you acknowledge this and apologize. However, that red flag you saw early on at Date #2 has blown up in your face. Silence…..

The  case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The gent  is thoughtful, caring, eager to be in your presence, attuned to your needs,  and is sweet and sensitive. Yet, appears to be a bit controlling, overly critical, possessive, you sense his concern when he cannot map you to a location he thinks you are,  intentionally or unintentionally jokes aiming at your insecurities and past relationship decisions, provides an opinion or questions (whether it is from good intention or not) on your life choices and children raising decisions. Dating this gent is not really fun anymore, as you feel that you are on audition all the time and your actual or potential mothering skills are constantly checked. Where just enjoying each other starts taking a back seat to checking your family lineage,  and anything else on the “ideal girlfriend” checklist. Inquiry of his past relationships seem to result in him not being forgiving or ended over what you deem as not really deal breakers.

This scenario to you, however is a deal breaker. You realize that the two of you are not a good fit at all and you do not mesh well with the sensitive and controlling types. So you dissolve it. Good Riddance! After all you are an Alpha Woman and need someone to be able to handle all of the intricacies of you.

You have been urged by peers to withhold your thoughts in efforts to keep the peace in a relationship especially in the courting stage. But why? So a relationship that will likely inevitably fail could last a bit longer? As unresolved issues or concerns will eventually surface.

You believe in communication. Voice your concerns, trust your intuition. The right man would want to hear your thoughts and if you talk out of turn that gent will tell you about yourself and accept your apology. If your doubts and concerns are all wrong, that is why communication is important to provide an opportunity to address and clarify. No concern is too petty. Yes timing matters, a lesson learned, but also when someone shows themselves once, believe them the first time. If it is a potential deal breaker, move forward!

 

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