This is a very great read and accurate from Black And Married With Kids.com. Sometimes us as women forget these are the most important characteristics you can offer the love of your life. Failed marriages, usually lack one or more of these qualities. As a previously married woman, it is tough to adhere to these qualities when in the midst of a storm. Enjoy.
When a man is ready for marriage, there are specific things he looks for in a woman before he decides to commit. Typically, he keeps the criteria for his ideal woman close to he vest.
While this strategy works great for him, it can make dating and relationships frustrating and dealing with your man can feel confusing.
But by embracing the following 5 secrets, you’ll be able to take your relationship to the next level (if you’re dating), and prepare for the wife life if you’re still waiting to be found by Mr. Right.
So, here are 5 things your future husband wished you knew:
He needs your help and acceptance
Men don’t have it all together. Behind all that swag, he has insecurities, weaknesses and fears just like you. Don’t assume that his rough and tough exterior means he is invincible. He needs your help.
What does he need your help with?
To get the answer, you will need to:
- Spend time getting to know your man to find which areas need your help
- Ask, don’t just assume
But, in general, men need help reaching their goals and dreams.
- They need help seeing their true potential.
- They need you to give them insights into people and situations so they aren’t taken advantage of.
- They need you to bring your strengths, gifts, talents, and abilities to the relationship to cover their own weaknesses.
Your job is to be wise enough to know how to help him without making him feel like a failure.
He wants you to listen to him
There are two important points here.
First, you might assume that your man doesn’t need to be heard because he is a man of few words.
“Well, he won’t talk to me,” you say.
“I try to get him to tell me how he feels, and he won’t say anything.” But 97% of allcommunication is non-verbal, so only 3% is verbal.
If you’re only focusing on what’s coming out of his mouth, you’re missing a whole lot.
Listen to his body language. He’s communicating something to you all the time.
Second, when your man does talk, you need to listen without:
- inserting your opinion
- correcting him
- anticipating what he’s about to say
It may be hard to hear, but you should be honored that he trusts you enough to share his feelings with you.
He wants you to catch him doing something good
Your man really wants to please you. But sometimes, in his mind, nothing he does is good enough.
That’s because we rarely focus on what people do well. We live in a culture that is steeped in criticism and judgement.
It’s rare for someone to tell you what you did well. But everybody loves to be appreciated and your man especially wants your encouragement.
He wants you to be confident
Good men love confident women.
Confidence and sexiness go hand in hand.
Because you’re confident, he knows he won’t have to spend all his time trying to make you feel good about yourself. Yes, he will appreciate you and help you grow; and yes, he knows you’re not perfect and will need him to cover your weaknesses.
But a man knows that a woman who doesn’t know her own worth will quickly become a needy woman.
He craves your respect
When I asked my husband how important respect is to a man he told me, “No man wants to be disrespected.”
Respect is one way a man gives and receives love. Respect is the language they use to communicate with the world.
When your man feels respected, he feels like he is honored and loved by his woman.
Many men have a tough exterior, but our words and actions can hurt them just the same. When you bring private issues into the public with jokes, snide remarks and even negative body language like snarls and frowns, a man feels disrespected.
He feels you’re making him look bad in front of other people.
Respecting your husband is a very important way of loving your husband. However, this doesn’t come naturally to a wife.
It’s because we tend to focus on our own needs first and we need to feel loved by our husbands. But when you focus on meeting his needs, an amazing thing happens:he finds it easier to focus on your needs.
The Bible helps us see just how important respect is to a husband:
“Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].” Ephesians 5:33 [AMP version].
When you respect your husband you:
- Notice him
- Regard him
- Honor him
- Prefer him
- Love him
- Admire him above anyone else
The point is, when you respect your man, you don’t focus on his shortcomings. You focus on the things he does right (and you inspire him to be a better man through open & honest communication).
As my friend Paul C. Brunson says, the best time to work on your marriage is before you get married. Learn these 5 secrets now and you’ll set the stage for a happy marriage!