Category Archives: Contributions to Joint Interest

Spike Lee: Do The Right Thing Block Party!

 Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well. 

Summer-time in Brooklyn! Echoes of laughter,  flocks of happy-spirited folk, good music blasting from the mega speakers with the DJ Continue reading Spike Lee: Do The Right Thing Block Party!

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Is Cuffing Season Over: Summer Love or Summer Fun?

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well. 

Continue reading Is Cuffing Season Over: Summer Love or Summer Fun?

As Published on Joint Interest Digital Magazine: First Dwayne Wade…Now Ludacris Fathering A Lovechild

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well. This is the condensed version than the original published yesterday!

First Dwayne Wade…Now Ludacris Fathering A Lovechild

ludacris-and-eudoxiePhoto source: www.xxlmag.com

Okay there has been more than enough buzz since the media found out that basketball player Dwayne Wade fathered a child (now three-month old) with Aja Metoyer (alleged known Groupie- a woman who has persistent relationships with celebrities) during a break from his long-term intimate relationship with his new fiancee, actress Gabrielle Union. Now it turns out Ludacris also fathered a child while on a temporary hiatus from longtime girlfriend Eudoxie. Apparently, the child was born early December and is approximately one-month old.

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Photo source: www.eonline.com

My Insights

When two people decide to take a break from a relationship whether temporary or permanent….they are entitled to live their lives as a single woman or man. Meaning, in my opinion entitled and free to do as they please.  Two individuals wanting a break means they are not ready to pursue a relationship or move forward the already established relationship they have with each other. While on hiatus, the ex boyfriend or girlfriend may seek sexual and emotional satisfaction from someone else. This is not infidelity, vows have not been shared. A serious or not so serious connection can be established with another woman or man. While Dwayne Wade and Ludacris may need a lesson or two on safe sex practices, engaging in sexual intimacy while separated from their girlfriend/fiancée is not wrong. Sometimes engaged in other relationships while separate from your ex-boo allows you to appreciate the relationship and qualities you and your ex-boo shared and possesses.

In some cases two people drift back to each other rekindling their deep emotional bond as more mature adults. This could be after months of partying, focusing on career, or just getting all of the single’itis out of their system. Gabby and Dwayne…..discussed their break from each other and Dwayne’s mistake that led to a precious treasure.  She has accepted her man despite his flaws and the new addition to their future family. She is all good…and content with her bling bling. The same can be said for Eudoxie. As the two were seen together happy as they shared in the New Year together.

Hey, not everyone can have the sequentially desired mating lifestyle. Boy meets girl, date, get engaged, married then have offspring. Love is blind. Sometimes, there are kids from other baby mommies and daddies….including while you are on relationship break from your mate.

What Are Your Thoughts? Would You Rekindle A Relationship With An Ex Despite Him Fathering A Child With Another Woman or Having A Child With Another Man?

As Published on Joint Interest Digital Magazine: Holiday Party Mingle Etiquete 101

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well.

Holiday Party Mingling Etiquette 101

cocktail-e761d5bf0b90b45e54653010e5226bd2eacda25d-s6-c30 Photo source: www.npr.org 

Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Years are approaching. December is a busy month. There is so much on your plate. Holiday trimming, gift shopping, gifts wrapping, preparing your favorite seasonal meals and let’s not forget the numerous holiday parties that fill your calendar. This is the time to shine as a social-lite and take advantage of the opportunities to meet new acquaintances. To maximize your exposure and effect, I thought I would provide some tips to enhance your meet and greet game.

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1) Find that perfect festive outfit. Wear holiday colors, shimmers and glitter. That will surely make you stand out in a crowd. Cheerful attire states that you are amicable to others. Make sure the outfit you choose is appropriate for the event you are attending and is flattering to your shape and build.

2) Have a positive attitude and an open-mind. Put your stresses behind and prepare to have good fun. Leave the attitudes and drama at home. Thoughts of work deadlines, bills, lack of romantic partners to exchange holiday gifts convolute your presence when out and about. You can’t have an open mind when you bring stress to the party.

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3) Smile, smile and smile. Be flirty. Keep the curled lips and pouts at home. Show those pearly whites you were blessed with. A smile goes a long way. Make eye contact and smile to any gent or lady you would like to meet. You will be surprised where that smile takes you.

4) Separate yourself from your friends and co-workers. Walk the room. No one likes to approach someone when there is an audience to witness them at their most vulnerable moment. They don’t want anyone to witness a possible awkward moment of rejection, loss of words, or their best Mack daddy/ mamma game out on display. Separating yourself and taking a break from your crew. Taking a lap around the venue eludes that you are confident, independent and possibly single.

5) Don’t wait for someone to make the first move. This is especially for the ladies. Men do not always have to approach you. Sometimes they need to feel comforted that you are open to meeting them. A smile on your face and direct eye contact works most of the time. But sometimes you need to have that ultimate ice-breaker. Bring up the holiday gala or party and how they got the invite, be versed in current events, and talk about the tasty hors de oeuvres’.  Let the person know you’re interested in what they are discussing by asking follow-up questions about the current topic. Keep the conversations afloat. Don’t let an opportunity to meet a potential great mate pass because you are too shy to open your mouth or unable to navigate the conversation.

What Is Your Holiday Party Mingling Etiquette?

As Published on Joint Interest Digital Magazine: Can A Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well. This is the condensed version than the original published yesterday!

Can a Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?

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Photo Source: madamenoire.com

Scene:
You and your girlfriends are at a club. You separate yourself from your crew and begin to strut all your goodness to the bar. A gent approaches you and ask your vitals and whereabout in New York City Metro area you reside. Both of you are physically attracted to each other. He offers to buy you that Ciroc Amaretto on the rocks you were about to splurge on yourself. You graciously accept. The DJ begins to turn up the music. That handsome gent that has his eyes fixated on you takes your hand and walks you by the DJ. Your hips begin to swerve in your tight mini-dress as he checks you out with your hand-held in his. He maintains an arm’s-length distance. However, eyes are pierced on how your hips move well to the tunes.

You become more comfortable, your buttox and hips now begin to caress his pants as they percolate to the beat. Not standing out as other couples are also twerking. His hands become comfortable in caressing your silhouette. His soothing hands palming your rear gives you the chills. You are intertwined in a grind fest on the dance floor.

Couple at bar.Photo Source: http://seekwisdomfindwealth.blogspot.com/

He mentions how he drove to the venue and offers to take you home. The dancing resumes its hot and heavy pace. You are re-thinking that offer. You acknowledge that there is definitely great sexual chemistry. You don’t want the moment to cease. You agree for him to take you home. In the car, he can’t keep his hands off of you. Kisses are exchanged. You agree to go to his place. He assures you that he digs your entire vibe. Upon arriving at his place, you seal the deal.

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Photo source: blackafricanwomen.com
The next morning, you share breakfast before he drops you off at home.

Walk-of-Shame

Photo Source: www.dirtyandthirty.com

Prior to leaving, you ask if you both will remain in contact. He says Yes. You begin the walk of shame as he drops you off to your place.

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You begin to fret and wonder if you blew it because you gave up the goods too quickly. You hope the guy realizes that is not normal. You were into him and couldn’t resist. Could something meaningful come from this?

My Perspective:
Pros:

It is all about perception. If the guy is a true gentleman and perceived you as a classy woman….he probably still does. He does not romp around with anyone himself. He likely felt the same chemistry as you. Plus if the loving was great, the man will likely return. As a woman, you know your own judgment of character. There was something that made him the exception to the rule. Thus a budding relationship from your one night freak-fest is possible.

Cons:
However, what really did you learn of each other beyond sex, that make the two of you compatible as a couple? If you are in the market in looking for a husband, you or him could not possibly know that your romping partner possesses all of the qualities that you aspire in your future mate. So while subsequent dates may happen, the relationship maybe short-lived. Exclusivity status not guaranteed. He may be dating another chick. Or you may just get caught up in the sex and realize that this guy is not husband material.

Jury Still Out!
Waiting three dates or abiding to the Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule may result in the same outcome. In dating, nothing is guaranteed. Two people are getting to know each other. There is a risk that a relationship may not thrive from any first encounter. Think of the numbers you exchange when out. How many result in follow-up calls, dates and relationships? While sexual intimacy may definitely get you the subsequent date it may not lead to exclusivity. So preserve your goodies until you know the guy is looking for something serious. In contrast, there are many lasting relationships that thrived from a one-night stand. It is all about the person’s present focus in life. If you could learn that over a few cocktails and dances, then press on.

What are your thoughts? Have you been able to have a sustainable relationship after a one-night romp?

As Published On Joint Interest Digital Magazine: Will And Jada: Is Their Marriage In Trouble? Who Is Margot Robbie?

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well.

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Photo Credit: www.usmagazine.com

When Does a Platonic Friendship with the Opposite Sex Threaten Your Relationship with Your Significant Other?

Last week US Weekly, reported that Will Smith allegedly cheated on Jada Pinkett Smith with his co-star Margot Robbie from their upcoming movie “Focus”. The facts were based on silly pictures that they took together at a photo booth on-set. However, the pictures showed both of them sharing skin and undergarments. Now glancing at the pictures, one could assume that their professional on-set relationship seemed it was becoming a bit too close for comfort.

While we know from media and limited interviews of the couple that Will and Jada have a pretty solid and trusting relationship. They both have demanding careers, their children also work extensively, so there are periods where the two are separated for a considerable amount of time. The married couple has had their series of cheating allegations with former co-stars , rumors of an open marriage and numerous speculations that the two are on the brinks of divorce. Through it all, they both have stuck together and have remained classy in their approach of either ignoring or addressing the media’s curiosity.

However, upon looking at those pictures with Will and Margot Robbie,  I had to ask myself, would I be comfortable if my husband or “Boo” took pictures with a platonic friend intentionally sharing a considerable amount of skin? While initially, goose bumps started to rise on my skin and I began to shake my head no, while thinking “Hell No!”.  I also had to think perspectively on my experiences and look at their situation separately. I guess it would depend, right? If it was me, these questions would run through my mind. Have I been introduced to this lady friend of his? And if so, have we developed a somewhat platonic relationship amongst ourselves? Also how long has this platonic friend been part of my significant other’s life? Also, how well do I know my man, and how solid is our relationship? Now I know in show business, when working on a movie, you spend endless hours together over a short time span. So through that time period, close friendships are developed. I get it. While I may not have a Hollywood lifestyle, I could say this is similar in corporate America. Many times you have projects, strict deadlines and are required to work long hours with co-workers. Shared take-out dinners and long hours past 8 o’clock, co-workers become silly. We goof off. We sometimes end the night off at a local bar and maybe there is someone bold and daring enough to participate in karaoke. Silly occurrences happen, friendships develop and bonds are created.

If your significant other has an open communication and shares his life experiences with you including his bouts with his female platonic friends and your relationship is solidly grounded, any pictures on social media or other outlet should not affect you. In this situation, you are likely to know the occurrence or at least backdrop setting of when the alleged cheat rumors took place.

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Photo Credit: www.nydailynews.com

Thinking in my relationship experience, my significant others always had a few close platonic friendships. Some friendships were developed before I became involved with the person and others were developed afterwards through work or some other means. I am not going to say I always initially felt comfortable with these platonic friendships. But after open discussions on who this person was in his life and the type of mutual interest and care the two had for each other, I felt comforted. I remember, my ex-husband returning from a company retreat and there were pictures of him with other co-workers, that included females enjoying themselves at an after work function. Yes I had skepticism, but I could relate myself. As I have gone on plenty of company retreats in some of the most adulterated cities in America. My  co-workers and I would indulge ourselves at many of the great restaurants and entertainment available, but our bond was kept on a platonic level.  After open communication of his experiences with colleagues, I understood. In my opinion, open communication strengthens trust in a relationship.

Are you accepting of your significant other’s platonic friendships? If so, would you set boundaries around your significant other’s platonic friendships with the opposite sex? Would you question his or her sincerity towards you, if questionable but friendly photos were shared on social media at a function you were aware that he or she was attending? Would it matter if you knew that person before the photos were taken?

As Published on Joint Interest Digital Magazine: The Best Man Holiday Movie Insight: Should A Woman’s Intimate Past Affect Her Pursuit for a Loving Relationship?

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well.

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Photo: http://www.necolebitchie.com

The highly anticipated The Best Man Holiday opened this weekend, and I must say, it is indeed a must-see! I will not give the movie away, for those who have not yet seen it, but I had to reflect on the movie and the The Best Man prequel after this weekend. In the prequel, you recall that Julian (Harold Perrineau), fell in love with Candace or “Candy” (Regina Hall), the exotic dancer at Lance’s (Morris Chestnut) bachelor party. In the sequel, the two are married with children, but an unusual turn of events forces Julian to revisit his wife’s former lifestyle. While watching the movie, I thought to myself, “Are the men that I know — the “Buppie” black urban professional career men — willing to look past a woman’s former lifestyle? Would a man accept me or my girlfriends even if they did not approve of a former occupation, past relationship or action I committed? Could they love me knowing I was a former exotic dancer, an escort, incurred a bad reputation for being involved with the wrong men and/or an explicit sex tape that was accidentally released?

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Photo: newscififangirl.wordpress.com

Many men often cite how they seek to attain a classy woman, a “lady,” someone who is motherly, supportive and caring. They want a woman who represents herself well and is respected by her peers and community — with one caveat: the woman also has to be a “freak” behind closed doors. Men that I know consistently express how they do not want other men knowing his woman’s secrets that are shared intimately between the two of them. They steer away from pursuing marriage with women who have notorious reputations of romping around with other men.

best-man-holidayPhoto: http://www.ctpost.com

At present, an inequality in views of past actions by gender among peers, community and the media still exist. Men are placed on a pedestal for sleeping with multiple women and are excused for testing the waters. We give them the benefit of the doubt.  We justify their actions because it is learned that men suffer from a high sex drive, are judged by their experience or lack thereof with the opposite sex. In fact, doesn’t history and certain cultures allow men to wed multiple wives? The “Big Love” lifestyle is intriguing.

On the other hand, women who express their sexual curiosities are categorized as whores. Women who have used poor judgement and fell for men who chose to exploit them via sharing their intimate moments to the public are viewed as promiscuous and dense. How many times does the media discuss how Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian attained celebrity status through their notorious “sex tapes” and how society is quick to judge their young adult mistakes?

The “pimp” lifestyle is what many men seek to gain, and a pound to the hand is given by their boys when they share they are casually dating more than one woman. In contrast, women who choose to date more than one man are classified as “fast.” We shun the woman who chose to attain money in a difficult economy to pay for college, feed her children, pay for housing by seeking occupation in one of the most demanding and easily attainable careers for women. The exotic dancer, escort, music video model, or a model for adult men magazines occupations are high in request in the obsessively visual entertainment industry. Shouldn’t these women have a chance to start fresh in a healthy, loving and supportive relationship with a man without being judged?

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Photo: www.thelmagazine.com

My view is that despite your past choices, whether it was a mistake, an act of survival or you were just embracing your sexual freedom, at present you are the wonderful woman that your man or potential mate will meet. Your sexual past is your past – let it stay there.  Your lifestyle as a dancer, escort or just a woman who made “bad decisions” does not affect your genuine love and affection for your man. Past experiences provide wisdom and strength but do not represent your character at present. We learn from our actions. Yes, one can argue that women made choices to delve in certain lifestyles, but so do our male counterparts. We let men be themselves and explore, yet we accept them when they are ready to settle and become a caring and considerate man to a woman. Shouldn’t women be given the same opportunity?

Film Review The Best Man HolidayPhoto: www.crescent-news.com

I say be open-minded, love your woman, understand her past and embrace her at present. Usually, there is more to her story than what her past portrays. The Best Man Holiday provides an exemplary example of a professional and confident man who endures challenges in facing his wife’s past. Yet, he chooses to love and accept his wife despite her past indiscretions.

What are your thoughts? Do you think Julian was right for accepting Candace’s past lifestyle? Should our cosmopolitan man be accepting of a woman as what she represents currently or should he consider her past intimate choices in choosing a mate? If considered, does he owe it to himself and the woman to rationalize the basis for her past decisions?

As Published on Joint Interest Digital Magazine: Kanye Kim vs Jay-Z Beyonce…The Next Power Couple Goes To….

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well.

http://www.jointinterest.com/2013/11/kanye-kim-vs-jay-z-beyonce-next-power-couple-goes/

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Photo: CHRISTOPHER POLK/GETTY IMAGES FOR BET

According to RadarOnline… Kanye believes that Kim and himself will be the biggest power couple on the planet and will take the reign away from Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Hmmm….According to media sources, Kanye has began to direct Kim on how to present herself in the spotlight and social platforms.  It has been cited that Kanye urged Kim to dye her hair blonde to make her into an international success. Beyonce has always been careful with her perception in the media and is selective on how she is publicized to the world. So now Kanye is directing Kim to follow suit.

Personally, I do not understand why this would be headline news…but everything lately that comes from Kanye has become a national discussion. So this too is newsworthy. When thinking about this, I had to consider what is a power couple? Is there anyone else in the public spotlight that I would consider a power couple? Actually, there are a few in the African America community…from the hollywood power couple Will and Jada to Barack and Michelle. I wonder if Kanye aims to outshine them as well?

A power couple to me is someone that is doing a bang-up job in solidifying their brand as a couple. It represents two people who are genuine in their love, cherish each other, their children and support each other’s endeavors. The wife and husband aim to improve the other person’s aura and as one, they reflect a positive example to everyone. To strive to be the most powerful couple on the planet I don’t think that is in the definition. I really don’t think true power couples strive for that title and are unaware they exemplify that to others. They become aware as they lead their lives in a positive manner as that is who they are at the core…and it is recognized by others. I wonder if Kanye is aware of that definition?

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Photo: www.policymic.com

Jay-Z and Beyonce embody what I believe to be a power couple. Both individuals were successful on their own right, came together and over time nurtured their relationship and each other. By them being right with their love of each other at the core, they manifested this successful example and empire that has shined positively on the hip hop culture. However, this was not created overnight and was a gradual process. It was not forced.

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Photo: www.usmagazine.com

I don’t doubt Kanye’s love for Kim is not real or her love for him. I do think over time they can establish themselves as a “power couple.” But to aspire to be that couple over someone else makes the intent of the word “power” in “power couple” convoluted. The mix of greed, jealousy and outside approval can poison the purity of developing a sustaining relationship. Thus, diverge the couple into a spiral of mess.

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Photo: www.rapbasement.com

Well let the battle begin! Why maybe Kanye and Kim are successful in creating headlines for now…when the media’s interest ceases…will the love that they have for each other terminate too?

What do you think? Does Kanye and Kim have what it takes to be the next power couple? Will they replace Jay-Z and Bey as the new power couple in hip hop?