Category Archives: Parenthood As a Divorcee

Being A Mom Is The Best Reward In Life! Happy Mother’s Day from Your Happily Divorcee!

Mother’s Day is the most important holiday for myself. This is the day that I reflect on how I brought two beautiful souls into this world and how they’re happiness and well-being trumps my own desires and needs.

Reflecting on life’s journey up to today, everything is worth it as I wake up to my children cheerful greetings of Happy Mother’s Day and Birthday wishes. It is my birthday today as well. Continue reading Being A Mom Is The Best Reward In Life! Happy Mother’s Day from Your Happily Divorcee!

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Easter Fun With The Sprouts!

 

 

 

 

I must say Easter turned out to be a fantastic day. The sprouts and I went to our church, the kiddies starred in the Easter Play. Service followed with an Easter Egg Hunt. My weren’t the kiddies adorable this day. My favorite part is seeing them in their Easter Best! While Continue reading Easter Fun With The Sprouts!

Tyler Perry’s “The Single Mom’s Club” My Insights!

Yesterday was the premiere opening of Tyler Perry’s “The Single Mom’s Club”. All month I have been eagerly anticipating in seeing this movie. Afterall the movie epitomizes my current life situation Continue reading Tyler Perry’s “The Single Mom’s Club” My Insights!

Sprouts, Divorce and Chaos! Is it Manageable?

As a recently divorced mom, I am aware that there has been change in my children’s behavior post-divorce. As much as you try to shield them from all of the drama and chaos, it is impossible to mask them from all disagreement and keep everything consistent prior to Continue reading Sprouts, Divorce and Chaos! Is it Manageable?

On celebrating Valentine’s Day as a Single Mom

Thought this was to the point. Happy Valentine’s Day to the Single Mommies!

Cookies and Confessions

Valentine's post

I get it. This is the year’s most romantic holiday and you are celebrating alone. But, let’s face it.

We’re never alone!

We have our beautiful children. And, if this holiday is all about celebrating love, what greater love is there on earth than a mother’s love for her children? Not much. Actually, I think it’s the most powerful love I’ve ever felt between two people. It takes a lot of love to still enjoy being with our children after a day when they have destroyed the house, whined, and have decided to take a shower in the dog’s water bowl using a ramekin (well, maybe this is something only my child has done… Ha!).

So, there are several ways that we can have can have an awesome Valentine’s day with our kids.

1) Make your own Valentine’s day cards

Apparently, back before you could buy cards premade at the…

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The Shrivers Report- A Tribute to Empower and Identify the Struggle of Women

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The Shriver Report created by Maria Shriver provides journalism at its finest. The origin and purpose are to discuss current issues impacting the world from the front lines. It incorporates documentaries, interviews and her own insights on life’s struggles and miracles.

Her latest study: A Woman’s Nation Pushes Back From The Brink— discusses a whole host of topics of the strength and struggle of the American woman. Various celebrities have penned letters discussing topics under various subsections such as: 

POWER

Powerful and Powerless By Maria Shriver

Gender Equality is a Myth! By Beyoncé Knowles-Carter 

Are Women Devalued by Religions? By Sister Joan Chittister 

THE WORKPLACE

Empowering Latinas By Eva Langoria

THE FAMILY

Marriage, Motherhood, and Men By Ann O’Leary

America’s Working Single Mothers: An Appreciation By LeBron James

What About the Fathers? By Kathryn Edin

 

(For a complete listing of articles go to http://shriverreport.org/special-report/a-womans-nation-pushes-back-from-the-brink/)

One letter I did want to share was the one from LeBron James. This particular one resonated with my spirit. I am a testament from a single-mother family through my teen years and am now a single-mother now. While it does not matter how you came about with your title of “Single Mom”, whether the children’s father is a contributor or not: if you are the custodial parent and when everyone backs out on their commitments, it is up to you to rise to the occasion.

By LeBron James

I am honored to participate in a project that is trying to help single mothers who are struggling to make a living and raise their kids, because that perfectly describes my mother when I was growing up. You think LeBron James is a champion? Gloria James is a champion too. She’s my champion.

My mother really struggled. She had me, her only child, when she was just 16 years old. She was on her own, so we lived in her mom’s great big house in Akron, Ohio. But on Christmas Day when I was 3 years old, my grandmother suddenly died of a heart attack, and everything changed. With my mom being so young and lacking any support and the skills and education necessary to get ahead, it was really hard for us.

We lost the house. We moved around from place to place—a dozen times in three years. It was scary. It was catch as catch can, scraping to get by. My mom worked anywhere and everywhere, trying to make ends meet. But through all of that, I knew one thing for sure: I had my mother to blanket me and to give me security. She was my mother, my father, my everything. She put me first. I knew that no matter what happened, nothing and nobody was more important to her than I was. I went without a lot of things, but never for one second did I feel unimportant or unloved.

Finally, when I was 9 years old, my mother made a supreme sacrifice. She decided that while she was figuring out how to get on her feet, I needed some stability in my life. I needed to stay in one place and experience the support and security that she had felt growing up in a big family. So she sent me to live with my pee-wee football team coach, “Big Frankie” Walker, and his family. She later said to me, “It was hard, but I knew it was not about me. It was about you. I had to put you first.”

I stayed with the Walkers for a year, and what a gift that was! I was in the same school all year, slept in the same bed all year, played on the same football team all year, and Big Frankie put me on my first basketball team. I saw my mom every weekend.

When my mother was able to rent a two-bedroom apartment with the help of a government-assistance program, I moved back in with her. We stayed together until I finished high school. The rest is history.

People always say I am devoted to my mother. That’s true, but only because for every minute of my life, she has been devoted to me. My mother taught me what devotion truly means. I have tried to pass along her example by helping kids who are growing up in single-parent homes through the LeBron James Family Foundation and the Boys & Girls Clubs of America.

After the Heat won the 2012 NBA Championship, the team was invited to the White House. Speaking about me, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh, President Barack Obama said, “For all the young men out there who are looking up to them all the time, for them to see somebody who cares about their kids and is there for them day in and day out, that’s a good message to send. It’s a positive message to send, and we’re very proud of them for that.1”

The truth is that everything I’ve learned about being a parent to my boys—9-year-old LeBron Jr. and 6-year-old Bryce—I learned from my mother. Everything I know about being loving and caring, and sacrificing and showing up and being present in my children’s lives—I learned all of that from her example.

Gloria James was a working single mother who struggled and got the job done.

And for that, I say, “I love you, Mom. Thank you.”

Life As A Super Single Mom- Not Always Easy!

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The Super single-mom is the sole-household provider, multi-task expert, nutritionist and culturally enriching role-model to her children. The Super single-mom handles the bills, grocery lists, homework, transporting and cleaning. She smiles and encourages her children to aspire and attain their many desires in life. The single-mom wakes up early lays out her children’s school clothes, packs their lunches and fits herself in her work-dress. She proceeds to drop her children off to school and make her call-in time at work. This is despite mini-emergencies of spilled milk on the children’s clean and crisp school clothes, nose bleeds and scrapes from a fall.

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Throughout her day  she handles her work demands attentively. Her brief downtime during the day is used to coordinate kids pick-up, scheduling of doctors appointments and after-school activities. All of this is handled between meetings, phone calls and getting that end-of day deliverable on her boss’s desk. The super single mother leaves work exhausted but ready to start her second shift as the caretaker to her children. Her reflection of stresses from the day and life struggles are short-lived as she suddenly is overwhelmed with glees and demands from her children upon walking into her home. Simultaneous requests are received from her children. One wants to play a board game and the other needs help with homework. Then the cried for hunger begin. Aiming to tend to her children wants is then interrupted by the dissatisfaction of her well- thought-out healthy meal to her children’s preferences for snacks. Her downtime to herself is limited. Yet, while not much time to pamper herself before bed, she wakes up and begins the entire routine the next day.

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She is the backbone of her household. While exhausted, physically and emotionally drained, she carries on. Her children keep her strong. Some days she just wants to sleep in, play hooky and avoid the office politics…yet she is reminded of her children’s welfare. At times, she just wants to close the door to her room and plop on her bed, yet she greets her children’s requests with a smile.

She looks at her effort, and wonders if the days will improve. She has only two arms, two legs and one brain. Yet she manages to get everything done all by herself. Her labor is not always appreciated. There is always someone telling her how to be a better employer, money-manager, mother, daughter and friend. Rarely is there someone who shows appreciation for her diligence, strength, selflessness, unconditional love, commitment and consistency. It is expected of her to execute and maintain a pleasant disposition. God forbid if her spirit cracks or she does not have the answer to everything. There is always someone pointing  out her flaws but no one to shower her with appreciation for holding it down each and every day and being the Super Single Mom she is.

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Kudos to the Super Single Mommies out there. While we wear our cape deservingly….it is not always easy. From one single mommy to another. I admire your perseverance, strength and aim to always think in the best interest of your children.

 

Father Sentenced to Jail for Exceeding Child Support and Visitation? My Insights!

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Photo Source: Fox 26 Houston

According to Fox News in Houston, a father was charged in contempt of court for over-paying child support and exceeding visits to his son. Apparently, terms were modified in the child support agreement without his knowledge. The judge sentenced him to six months in jail and required to pay his ex-wife’s attorney fees. The father Clifford Hall, over paid child support by $3,000 which the judge found contemptible. Hall expressed:

“I can’t be there for my son in jail,” Hall said. “I can’t pay child support in jail. This is not in the best interest of the child.” 

My Insights!

One parent attacking the other where the child suffers is unacceptable. But what makes this more ludicrous is that the court system went against the primary purpose of establishing child support agreements–to protect the child. The judge is supposed to consider the best interest of the child. When I was going through my divorce proceedings, New Jersey requires you to attend a mandatory counseling course if there are children involved.The course re-iterated that the judge’s number one priority is the child’s welfare. This judge did not consider this when sentencing the father to six months in jail.

There are many child custody issues out there where the non-custodial parent is not meeting their mandatory visitation schedule and/or coming short on their financial obligation. Because a father is going above and beyond, jail time is justified? This is despite whether the child support agreement was amended or not. Is the judge going to credit his prior year child support over payments to the time he was not able to work while incarcerated? Will the father get to double-up his visitation once his sentence ends to replace the time missed while locked up? I think not. What mother would take their child’s father’s to court because of his efforts in being a good father to his son? Why would a woman be so bitter over an ex-husband to make his life miserable at the expense of the child?

When talking with many fathers where the relationship with the mother did not end on a positive note, they complain how many women have used their children to get back at whatever wrong was done in the relationship. They cite women withholding the opportunity of them spending quality time with their child. Seeking monetary gains in lieu of nourishing the child with fatherly love.

This is unacceptable in my opinion. Whatever the reason the mother thought it was necessary to  take the father for court by being the “model” dad, is not justifiable. Squash your differences for the sake of your children. If there are two willing participating parents in your child’s life, let him thrive from both parents love. Do not deprive the child because of your differences.

The judicial system is flawed. The judge should be revoked from her duties. The outcome of this case should be reconsidered.

What Are Your Thoughts? Should a Man Do Time For Over-Extending His Parenting Duties?

For complete article, click on the following link.

http://www.sott.net/article/271748-Father-sentenced-to-6-months-in-jail-for-paying-too-much-child-support

Happy Holidays From Your Happily Divorcee!

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As 2013 approaches to a close, I want to thank all of those who have read and supported my blog. My gratitude is extended to all those who follow. Without you all, I would have a silent ear to share my insights and thoughts in dealing with relationships, parenthood and living as a happily divorcee.

I have enjoyed this season thus far with my sprouts as we cheer on the holidays. I expect there will be many more fun-fulfilled moments as I see the excitement in my children’s eyes as they open their presents from Santa. While status is still single, my heart is warmed by their love. Together, their father and I come together to ensure there is nothing missed this Christmas season.

I hope everyone cherishes their time with their loved ones. Maximize the now and indulge in the present. I hope to continue to provide many interesting and thought-provoking posts in the new year. Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

 

Christmas New Beginnings with the Sprouts!

I reflect on my Christmas season so far with the sprouts. This is the first season with just us three. We had an awesome time trimming the tree, baking ginger bread cookies, sipping egg nog and watching Continue reading Christmas New Beginnings with the Sprouts!