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On the heels of Gabrielle Union’s recent appearance on The Arsenio Hall’s Show I cannot help to address the sticky topic of “Prenup”. During the show Gabrielle Union mentioned the following regarding her much-anticipated marriage to Dwayne Wade:
“For this marriage, the biggest difference between this and the last marriage will be a prenup…at my insistence. When you have you own stuff, you don’t need to worry about anybody else’s stuff. So everyone should go into the relationship knowing I’m here for you and you’re here for me. And the reality is, I’ve never seen Dwyane balance a checkbook, so I gotta protect my stuff. It’s the wave of the future, protecting your stuff.”
Recently going through a divorce, while more seamless than my peers, I cannot help but to reluctantly agree with Gabby’s stance on prenuptial agreement prior to marriage. As a professional woman in my thirties, I have worked hard for my current lifestyle and assets. I also applaud and appreciate the man who I choose to share my life with on his accomplishments and assets attained prior to meeting me. I am also realistic that marriage does not always result in a happily ever after. I am comfortable with my lifestyle at present and God forbid if I do get re-married and it just happens not to work out. However, if that happens, I would like to return to my existing lifestyle and I would expect my mate would as well. Thus, I feel what I bring into the marriage and likewise for my mate, we will continue to keep those assets despite our marriage outcome. Now assets we acquired together, those can be up for debate and an agreement can be etched out in the prenuptial agreement as well. And of couse if there are children, it is a requirement that they would be taken care of. But I am a successful and independent woman who is capable of taking care of herself. Now if my man insists that he wants to continue to partially provide in the event our marriage does not work out, or if the outcome is due to his detriment the financial boundaries can be discussed and included in a prenuptial agreement. In a marriage union, all I ask and require is love, a best friend that provides spiritual, mental and physical support. I hope to build a more powerful empire together financially, but understand that the assets we worked hard attaining separately should not be at risk of losing in the event we cannot resolve our relationship issues between each other.
Now, that does not mean I want all the selfish and greedy men flocking to me. It is just that I respect your hustle before me and would not want to risk what you worked hard for prior to meeting me in a court battle. And likewise for me. Now my offsprings from my marriage, yes I expect my potential mate to make sure my children are well taken care of.
But yes, in this day and age women are likely to be just as successful as their mate, and we are also at risk of losing their assets. This is a new age from our parents generation. I reflect on a girlfriend’s recent situation who was the breadwinner in her household and was required to pay alimony, based on a calculation in the state of New Jersey that dictated whomever is the highest earner must pay a designated amount to the spouse. Through my divorce, we came to our own agreement and bypassed the legal system meddling in our affairs. Yes, I could have probably benefited from more but there was also a risk that I could be the subject of paying alimony too. While we did not have a prenuptial agreement, we both respected each other’s hustle to bow out and leave with what we walked into our marriage with. The most important decision was to come with a support agreement for our children’s best interest.
So I am pro a prenuptial agreement, marriage is about building a life together with the person you love, but in case the outcome is not a happily ever after, you should not have to re-build from scratch, especially if you were living comfortably prior to the union. Both parties should be able to return to their status quo pre-marriage.
What Are Your Thoughts? Would You Request A Pre-Nup Prior to Marriage?