During a recent interview by Extra TV for her new show Gotham, Jada Pinkett-Smith actress, mother and wife to actor Will Smith was asked by the reporter what’s the key to keeping her marriage intact and she replied as follows: Continue reading You Have To Have A Warrior Mentality! Jada Pinkett-Smith Speaks On Marriage
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When Does a Platonic Friendship with the Opposite Sex Threaten Your Relationship with Your Significant Other?
Last week US Weekly, reported that Will Smith allegedly cheated on Jada Pinkett Smith with his co-star Margot Robbie from their upcoming movie “Focus”. The facts were based on silly pictures that they took together at a photo booth on-set. However, the pictures showed both of them sharing skin and undergarments. Now glancing at the pictures, one could assume that their professional on-set relationship seemed it was becoming a bit too close for comfort.
While we know from media and limited interviews of the couple that Will and Jada have a pretty solid and trusting relationship. They both have demanding careers, their children also work extensively, so there are periods where the two are separated for a considerable amount of time. The married couple has had their series of cheating allegations with former co-stars , rumors of an open marriage and numerous speculations that the two are on the brinks of divorce. Through it all, they both have stuck together and have remained classy in their approach of either ignoring or addressing the media’s curiosity.
However, upon looking at those pictures with Will and Margot Robbie, I had to ask myself, would I be comfortable if my husband or “Boo” took pictures with a platonic friend intentionally sharing a considerable amount of skin? While initially, goose bumps started to rise on my skin and I began to shake my head no, while thinking “Hell No!”. I also had to think perspectively on my experiences and look at their situation separately. I guess it would depend, right? If it was me, these questions would run through my mind. Have I been introduced to this lady friend of his? And if so, have we developed a somewhat platonic relationship amongst ourselves? Also how long has this platonic friend been part of my significant other’s life? Also, how well do I know my man, and how solid is our relationship? Now I know in show business, when working on a movie, you spend endless hours together over a short time span. So through that time period, close friendships are developed. I get it. While I may not have a Hollywood lifestyle, I could say this is similar in corporate America. Many times you have projects, strict deadlines and are required to work long hours with co-workers. Shared take-out dinners and long hours past 8 o’clock, co-workers become silly. We goof off. We sometimes end the night off at a local bar and maybe there is someone bold and daring enough to participate in karaoke. Silly occurrences happen, friendships develop and bonds are created.
If your significant other has an open communication and shares his life experiences with you including his bouts with his female platonic friends and your relationship is solidly grounded, any pictures on social media or other outlet should not affect you. In this situation, you are likely to know the occurrence or at least backdrop setting of when the alleged cheat rumors took place.
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Thinking in my relationship experience, my significant others always had a few close platonic friendships. Some friendships were developed before I became involved with the person and others were developed afterwards through work or some other means. I am not going to say I always initially felt comfortable with these platonic friendships. But after open discussions on who this person was in his life and the type of mutual interest and care the two had for each other, I felt comforted. I remember, my ex-husband returning from a company retreat and there were pictures of him with other co-workers, that included females enjoying themselves at an after work function. Yes I had skepticism, but I could relate myself. As I have gone on plenty of company retreats in some of the most adulterated cities in America. My co-workers and I would indulge ourselves at many of the great restaurants and entertainment available, but our bond was kept on a platonic level. After open communication of his experiences with colleagues, I understood. In my opinion, open communication strengthens trust in a relationship.
Are you accepting of your significant other’s platonic friendships? If so, would you set boundaries around your significant other’s platonic friendships with the opposite sex? Would you question his or her sincerity towards you, if questionable but friendly photos were shared on social media at a function you were aware that he or she was attending? Would it matter if you knew that person before the photos were taken?
I must admit I was hoodwinked. I followed the celebrity fairy tales of successful second-chance relationships following a tumultuous divorce. I was fixated to the tabloids when Reese Witherspoon re-married Jim Toth. She had a second-change and had two children from her previous marriage with Ryan Philippe. Wow! It is possible. She was able to quickly find love again, re-marry and expand her brood, as she now has a third child. Demi Moore was able to snag a much younger Ashton Kutcher with much older kids. The true kicker was that Demi, Ashton, kids and ex-hubby Bruce Willis had the whole co-parenting thing down pack and were pictured vacationing together. Hmmm….. that is my ideal life. No egos, just maximizing family time for the kids sake. While the two are no longer together, each of them have moved on to other love interests. Impressive. Another success story was Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith. Jada accepted his son from his previous marriage and was able to manage an amicable relationship with Will’s ex-wife and accept his eldest son as one of her own. Jennifer Lopez, with twins also found a younger gent in which she seems happy with following her divorce from Mark Anthony.
There are all of these examples in the media of divorced couples quickly rebounding and finding their happily ever after..whether it lasted or was short-lived, these stories provided me with inspiration. I can move on from my marriage, enter the dating arena and there will be a man who will just be so intrigued with all of my goodness….relationship status, kids aside, it would not make a difference. The gent would just love me, sweep me off my feet and be accepting of my family. The term “baggage” would not cross his mind.
After all, when married and catching up with my “single” girlfriends….when we went out, it seemed my wedding ring was just a magnet for men. Prior to marriage, I always was in some kind of a relationship. So I also thought it would be easy. I never really had a problem meeting someone special. Still well below 40, I am bound to be remarried before I hit that milestone, right? Yeah, okay!
In contrast, now single….it has not been as easy as I initially thought. I do not have any problem meeting great guys. I am not huddled in my bedroom loathing why I am not meeting anyone. I am out at social events, work-related functions, exploring New York City, doing what I love. I have encounters with men. I meet smart, attractive, ambitious, independent, easygoing gentlemen. The gents I meet mutually feel the same about me. I don’t know who I am fooling! Well it is all about the appearance, right? However, one caveat, most of the men I meet are single with no attachments or their children primarily live with their kids mother.
My experiences dating now divorced is that after establishing a connection with a great guy, there is dialogue through phone conversations, texts, social media, and a handful of meaningful dates. A genuine like between the two of us begins to develop. We are compatible in every way….yet we live in two different worlds. My motherly attributes intensifies the attraction they have for me….I become a stencil for what they would want for the mother of their future children. Despite how great of time we have when together, there is this barrier between us. My lifestyle away from these gents I meet are my children. Another factor, is that my children’s father is active in their lives…so yes there is occasional Baby Daddy drama that occurs. These are my situations that the men I meet are not yet ready or willing to make part of their situation.
While my relationships with these gents I meet may not even develop to that stage where it should be a huge factor….this is a consideration that arises once the right questions are asked. Some gent’s initial excitement of meeting me wanes before we get to the first date, others are open to dating a divorcee…as the men’s short-term lenses of physical attractiveness do not factor the long-term considerations of seriously dating a divorcee at all. But when the gent with the short-term peripheral view begins to develop genuine feelings, he gets a breath of reality that our lifestyles are too different. We live in two different worlds. He begins to think the adjustment from his current fly by the seat of his pants lifestyle to seriously dating a woman with kids is too grand for him at this moment. Despite his genuine feelings….and while the relationship has not gotten too serious….he falls back gradually. He begins to search for that great woman, that motherly portrait he created from my stencil in someone else. Hopefully, he will meet someone he is just as compatible with, but may not have that “baggage”. Maybe he will meet someone just as great as me. Why not? Isn’t there an abundance of attractive, independent, loving, easy-going, single women out there who have my uniqueness? Sure he will be alright. Or maybe not.
When speaking to the divorced lady at the spa, she has been divorced for several years. She speaks to me about the struggles of dating, the energy it takes, her focus on getting her son through college and the dynamics of dating in Manhattan. My hopes slowly begin to dissipate. However, speaking to fellow divorced mothers while we stand aside at our kids extra curriculars, they speak of meeting someone. They have a spark in their eye as they discuss how they are now steady dating a great family guy for about six months. Another divorcee they tell me…a potential modern-day Brady Bunch. Hmmm…Where do you find this person, I ask. They mention the various online dating sites. How intricate the screening and selection process is on these sites. Hmmm….So in contrast of being out socially, I just need to huddle in my bed and surf the net for my potential mate? I have mix feelings of these dating sites. Maybe if my dating pattern doesn’t turn for the better, I might consider in 2014.
While my dating reality has not yet ended with a successful conclusion, or as quickly as those publicized in the celebrity tabloids. I do not regret any date. I learn more about myself each time, what I do want and do not want from a potential mate. While dating is not my number one priority in life, I am still hopeful. The time I do allocate in meeting someone special allows me to explore new life experiences, understand people better and is not wasted. Who knows, maybe eventually my reality will become a fantasy to someone else.