Tag Archives: living

These Heaux’s Ain’t Loyal! Really?

There is much discussion on R&B/ Pop singer Chris Brown’s popular song “These Hoes Ain’t Loyal! Many men praise the song and women scowl at the chorus.  Chris Brown’s catchy song basically insinuates that a woman would leave a broke man for a rich man who wants her as depicted in the video below.

Warning: Explicit language

Continue reading These Heaux’s Ain’t Loyal! Really?

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10 Single Mom Entrepreneurs Share Their Best Business Advice on Entrepreneur.com

A Uber- Great Article on Entrepreneur.com! For all of you Single Mom’s out there that are striving to Kick-Butt in this Male-Denominated World! Rock On!

For article check it out at: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/239018

Running your own business is no piece of cake. Neither is raising a family. These 10 single moms, all of whom have built successful companies, manage to do both with a mix of intelligence, creativity and sheer determination. Continue reading 10 Single Mom Entrepreneurs Share Their Best Business Advice on Entrepreneur.com

“Why Wait A Lifetime With One Person You Can Find In A Moment With Another?

“What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else.”
― Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir

Continue reading “Why Wait A Lifetime With One Person You Can Find In A Moment With Another?

The Love of Family- My Admiration and Aspiration To Be The Woman Who Is The Glue To Our Family!

 

This weekend I had an awesome time at my Grandmother’s 90th Surprise Birthday Celebration. It was wonderful to be rejoined with family and share the love of my Grandmom. Family from Connecticut, Continue reading The Love of Family- My Admiration and Aspiration To Be The Woman Who Is The Glue To Our Family!

Tyler Perry’s “The Single Mom’s Club” My Insights!

Yesterday was the premiere opening of Tyler Perry’s “The Single Mom’s Club”. All month I have been eagerly anticipating in seeing this movie. Afterall the movie epitomizes my current life situation Continue reading Tyler Perry’s “The Single Mom’s Club” My Insights!

Sprouts, Divorce and Chaos! Is it Manageable?

As a recently divorced mom, I am aware that there has been change in my children’s behavior post-divorce. As much as you try to shield them from all of the drama and chaos, it is impossible to mask them from all disagreement and keep everything consistent prior to Continue reading Sprouts, Divorce and Chaos! Is it Manageable?

Sometimes It Is Not Holding On That Provides Strength, But Letting Go!

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Some people think that it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.

-Herman Hesse

Letting go of people  in your life that do not uplift or benefit you but deflate your spirit despite shared history is a sign of strength. You  may feel at times you may owe it to the person or the connection each of you share with each other to hold on, ride the rough patch out. But sometimes that rough patch is too rugged that it stifles your own personal growth. It is not worth mending, or you are the only one trying to smooth and buffer the situation and/or relationship. Let it go! How can you move forward into the new and discover the greatness you deserve if you have not let go of the damaged goods.

Sometimes letting go, also showcases if something was really there in the first place. The other person taking the other one for granted may recognize this and decides to put forth the effort in mending, smoothing and buffering.  Unfortunately, though at times it maybe too late. The other person may have moved forward and is living a fulfilling life with no need for interruption.

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Embrace your inner strength, move forward and let go! Let Life Flow! YOLO!

Adjusting To Life As A Sole-Rider

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Reflecting on my still brief but yet much eye-opening post divorced life….I reflect on all of my anxieties and fears that I endured since my decision on getting a divorce until now. There was first the fear and uncertainty on how I would be able to handle being a divorcee with two children….then it was the fear of following in my mother’s footsteps….divorced, never re-married, over-worked, once kids become grown life-post children is faced with living as a stroke and heart disease victim.

So as a fresh divorcee….I sub-merged myself in the dating scene. Perhaps I wanted to secure my prospects of finding husband number two before approaching the age of 40, while I still have some sex appeal and able to bear children. Boy, have I met some characters. Now reflecting, while I personally felt I was healed and over my past marriage once I filed the divorce papers, I didn’t really give myself a chance to re-discover and define myself post-marriage. I didn’t allow time to adjust to the divorcee life-style and living a fulfilling life sans a man. Don’t get me wrong, my life has always been fulfilled with children’s school and activities, vacations, spending time with friends, gym time and work….but I always had someone there to share, vent, or blame my life’s wonders and wrongs with and on someone. So, admittedly, upon meeting new prospects, I was eager to continue my life’s chapter and replacing old shoes with new ones, without missing a beat. So, I was always quick to open up and share the intricacies of my day at work without fully vetting out a lad. Don’t get me wrong, I ask all of the right questions…and they always provide the right answers. What are they looking for in a woman? What are their aspirations/ goals? Have they ever dated a person with children? Do they want children? Are they looking to getting to know someone on a serious level or just dating? Where they are in their career? And so on and on.

While I am still the upbeat, independent and feisty woman who just oozes firecracker personality without even trying. But those weekends when the children are away, have been the most difficult. Admittedly, I am a serial-monagamer. I always been in a relationship. Prior to marriage, I dated my college sweetheart for over six years and my highschool sweetheart for four years before that. So, experiencing life as a single woman has always been brief. I was always swept off my feet by some lad who was willing to be the Knight in Shining Armor committed to being a better boyfriend/ lover than my ex.  So I do have my moments of loneliness as a divorcee.  My weekends to myself are used to relax, catch up on loose ends and  favorite television shows, and spend time with friends. But, initially I had a vision that my ever other free weekend would be filled up with some gent trying to capitalize my free time aiming for his spot to be potential husband number 2. Now after more than over 20 weekends sans the children, I can say that imagination has been left at just that. My weekends have been used primarily in re-visiting and getting to know me without doting on a husband. Very rare has it been occupied with some gent. Of course there is always schedule conflicts!

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I have become adjusted and comfortable in my status of a single mother/divorcee. I am alright with spending my weekends solo or with friends. I find equally productive activities to do without the need to include a plus-one or requiring a plus-one. I have adjusted to being a sole-rider. I have accepted to being that super woman with or without her kids to all events.

While it would be awesome to eventually share my life with someone and possibly expand my family, it is not a requirement for me to live a happily fulfilling life. I will not settle for someone who does not value me for the amazingly, smart and charismatic woman who I am. I used to aspire to travel around the world and experience the world’s greatest treasures with someone. Now I aspire to do that on my own. You can’t wait for someone to co-star in your own movie…..the production budget and team may not always be there. So I say to me and to everyone: Embrace your own spotlight. Fulfill life’s experiences as a sole-rider until or never that other half joins you. When that gent or woman does, know that special person is deserving and will be lucky and appreciative to be by your side cherishing all of your expressions and emotions as you both use this world as your canvas.

Why Extramarital Affairs Happen -Top 5 Reasons!

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I decided to research a variety of sources on the drivers that lead to infidelity. By this, I mean cyber, physical and emotional affairs. I personally do not believe, an affair is limited to the sexual act in itself.  If you sought extended amount of emotional support elsewhere beyond your same-sex friends and family but did not engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, you indeed had an extramarital affair. Therefore, an affair with or without sex is in the same territory, in my opinion. Most of the reasons cited through various sources were repetitive. The origination of extra-marital affairs resonated to my own real world experiences through the lenses of  my personal encounters and discussions with family and friends alike. The most frequent reasons most cheaters stray, men and women alike are because of these resolvable marital issues:

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1. Besides living under one roof- not much else is shared: According to research and statistics; couples who lead separate social lives are much more likely to cheat than couples who spend more time enjoying common friends and interests. If there is no commonality between the husband and wife, maybe you need to question why you got married in the first place.

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2. Feeling misunderstood or under-appreciated: Basically, if your mate is complaining and is always criticizing (Refer to: Taming of the Shrew blog) and it is not being addressed….that person is going to eventually seek comfort elsewhere. Tend to your relationship NOW, because there is work to be done.

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3. Roommates sans the sex: If you are holding out and not connecting with your mate physically or providing that emotional fulfillment that stems from sexual intimacy, well expect your partner not to remain resilient for too long. Your partner may begin to look outside of the relationship for physical or emotional fulfillment that derives from intimacy.

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4. Our lives are changing or in transition: Now this happens. (Refer to: Divorce Top 10 Reasons blog). Children, retirement, a mid-life crisis, a new job, loss of parents all occur in most people’s lives. These major life changes are also a catalyst for cheating….and also divorce. Commonalities between two people are not shared. Communication is important before, during and after transitions happen, make sure everyone is on board with the decision for change or can emotionally handle unexpected changes. Refer to: The Linkage Between Trust and Communication blog).

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5. Reward Thyself Mentality: Sometimes your partner feels they have been grinding, handling the bills, taking care of the house, children and everything else under the kitchen sink. Yet they feel unappreciated and again needs are not met (See #3 and #2), difference is they feel under appreciated not only by their mate but from everyone else too. They feel “sacrifice” is their middle name. They are always putting other needs before their own: family, work and friends.  Instead of addressing this frustration with their partner to at least rally one cheerleader in their corner or are unable to do so because of unparalleled communication lines; they may reach out for gratification elsewhere to satisfy some unmet desires.  “Reward thyself…..I deserve it!

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I agree with the Top 5 Reasons. Sometimes it is a combination of these reasons that lead to reaching out for emotional comfort and intimacy from someone else. Now this list does not apply to the “Chronic Cheaters” who have always been that way prior to marriage with no intentions on changing. The “Chronic Cheaters” I categorize as the people who should never get married as they are so into their selfish ways by  tending to their own quick sex-gratification needs regardless of the other person’s feelings. This list applies to the people who have reached out and engaged in an extra-marital affair as a result of seeking some support and/or finding some commonality that was not achieved through their marriage union.

What Are Your Thoughts? Have You Experience or Participated In An Extramarital Affair Because of Any of These Reasons? Do You Think It Is More Complicated or Simpler Than That?

Reciprocity-That’s All It Takes!

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Many people ask what does it take for a successful and lasting relationship? There are so many dating and relationship books out there. We read them, take their suggestions and use them in our relationships. However your efforts do not benefit the relationship if only one person is committed to them. You can be more affectionate, passionate, responsive, compromise your time, take initiative, contribute to the household, but despite your effort, the relationship will not work if your efforts are not given back in return. So when someone asks me, what makes a relationship work, I say it is simple— Reciprocity!

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the definition is as follows:

re·cip·ro·cate

 verb \ri-ˈsi-prə-ˌkāt\

: to do (something) for or to someone who has done something similar for or to you

: to have (a feeling) for someone who has the same feeling for you

: to move back and forth again and again

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For a meaningful relationship to thrive, there has to be reciprocity from both parties. Both people have to be committed in putting forth the effort. Appreciative of your mate’s efforts  without action is not enough for sustaining a relationship. Expressing your appreciation by only words, provides some down time. But true appreciation is expressed through returning the same acts of kindness and consideration. If your mate is always considerate and checks up on you about how your day went, it should only be expected for you to reciprocate that same task…maybe you can initiate the check up for once. Your “Boo” took the day off, brought you soup and nursed you during your illness….when she or he is feeling ill, take time out of your day to return the favor. If your spouse came and was by your side to support your work-office function where you received an award, attending a concert of the band you were managing, make sure you are there for their promotion breakfast, book signing, or any other function that is special to them, despite whether it is or not on the same caliber. Your mate listens to your woes and peril, but your work schedule is too hectic to give the same ear, is not reciprocating. Nor is your mate tending to your sexual fantasies and relaxing you when your stressed, but you can’t find time just for cuddling. Or vice versa, your mate cuddles and kisses you endlessly, but you cringe in satisfying his needs..and it is only reserved for special occasions.

The key to a successful relationship is very easy..just reciprocate. While some tasks may not easy given life and career demands, acknowledging your intent and attempting to reciprocate the same appreciation and attention your mate gives as soon as you can…is putting forth the effort. Maybe you have to somehow include your significant other into your life and career flow. That business dinner, you might make it a requirement for everyone to bring spouses or extend the invitation to travel ventures where that person can explore on their own while you handle business matters. Or if that cannot be done, maybe adjusting your normal routine schedule, scaling back your time with friends to incorporate one-on-one time with your lady or gent.

If you are in a relationship and your efforts are not reciprocated over an extended period of time….excuses become redundant. It is time to walk away. Translation is that your mate does not value you or deems you that important in his life where he should reciprocate the efforts that you have made.