I decided to research a variety of sources on the drivers that lead to infidelity. By this, I mean cyber, physical and emotional affairs. I personally do not believe, an affair is limited to the sexual act in itself. If you sought extended amount of emotional support elsewhere beyond your same-sex friends and family but did not engage in sexual activity outside of marriage, you indeed had an extramarital affair. Therefore, an affair with or without sex is in the same territory, in my opinion. Most of the reasons cited through various sources were repetitive. The origination of extra-marital affairs resonated to my own real world experiences through the lenses of my personal encounters and discussions with family and friends alike. The most frequent reasons most cheaters stray, men and women alike are because of these resolvable marital issues:
1. Besides living under one roof- not much else is shared: According to research and statistics; couples who lead separate social lives are much more likely to cheat than couples who spend more time enjoying common friends and interests. If there is no commonality between the husband and wife, maybe you need to question why you got married in the first place.
2. Feeling misunderstood or under-appreciated: Basically, if your mate is complaining and is always criticizing (Refer to: Taming of the Shrew blog) and it is not being addressed….that person is going to eventually seek comfort elsewhere. Tend to your relationship NOW, because there is work to be done.
3. Roommates sans the sex: If you are holding out and not connecting with your mate physically or providing that emotional fulfillment that stems from sexual intimacy, well expect your partner not to remain resilient for too long. Your partner may begin to look outside of the relationship for physical or emotional fulfillment that derives from intimacy.
4. Our lives are changing or in transition: Now this happens. (Refer to: Divorce Top 10 Reasons blog). Children, retirement, a mid-life crisis, a new job, loss of parents all occur in most people’s lives. These major life changes are also a catalyst for cheating….and also divorce. Commonalities between two people are not shared. Communication is important before, during and after transitions happen, make sure everyone is on board with the decision for change or can emotionally handle unexpected changes. Refer to: The Linkage Between Trust and Communication blog).
5. Reward Thyself Mentality: Sometimes your partner feels they have been grinding, handling the bills, taking care of the house, children and everything else under the kitchen sink. Yet they feel unappreciated and again needs are not met (See #3 and #2), difference is they feel under appreciated not only by their mate but from everyone else too. They feel “sacrifice” is their middle name. They are always putting other needs before their own: family, work and friends. Instead of addressing this frustration with their partner to at least rally one cheerleader in their corner or are unable to do so because of unparalleled communication lines; they may reach out for gratification elsewhere to satisfy some unmet desires. “Reward thyself…..I deserve it!
I agree with the Top 5 Reasons. Sometimes it is a combination of these reasons that lead to reaching out for emotional comfort and intimacy from someone else. Now this list does not apply to the “Chronic Cheaters” who have always been that way prior to marriage with no intentions on changing. The “Chronic Cheaters” I categorize as the people who should never get married as they are so into their selfish ways by tending to their own quick sex-gratification needs regardless of the other person’s feelings. This list applies to the people who have reached out and engaged in an extra-marital affair as a result of seeking some support and/or finding some commonality that was not achieved through their marriage union.
What Are Your Thoughts? Have You Experience or Participated In An Extramarital Affair Because of Any of These Reasons? Do You Think It Is More Complicated or Simpler Than That?