Tag Archives: living

Father Sentenced to Jail for Exceeding Child Support and Visitation? My Insights!

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Photo Source: Fox 26 Houston

According to Fox News in Houston, a father was charged in contempt of court for over-paying child support and exceeding visits to his son. Apparently, terms were modified in the child support agreement without his knowledge. The judge sentenced him to six months in jail and required to pay his ex-wife’s attorney fees. The father Clifford Hall, over paid child support by $3,000 which the judge found contemptible. Hall expressed:

“I can’t be there for my son in jail,” Hall said. “I can’t pay child support in jail. This is not in the best interest of the child.” 

My Insights!

One parent attacking the other where the child suffers is unacceptable. But what makes this more ludicrous is that the court system went against the primary purpose of establishing child support agreements–to protect the child. The judge is supposed to consider the best interest of the child. When I was going through my divorce proceedings, New Jersey requires you to attend a mandatory counseling course if there are children involved.The course re-iterated that the judge’s number one priority is the child’s welfare. This judge did not consider this when sentencing the father to six months in jail.

There are many child custody issues out there where the non-custodial parent is not meeting their mandatory visitation schedule and/or coming short on their financial obligation. Because a father is going above and beyond, jail time is justified? This is despite whether the child support agreement was amended or not. Is the judge going to credit his prior year child support over payments to the time he was not able to work while incarcerated? Will the father get to double-up his visitation once his sentence ends to replace the time missed while locked up? I think not. What mother would take their child’s father’s to court because of his efforts in being a good father to his son? Why would a woman be so bitter over an ex-husband to make his life miserable at the expense of the child?

When talking with many fathers where the relationship with the mother did not end on a positive note, they complain how many women have used their children to get back at whatever wrong was done in the relationship. They cite women withholding the opportunity of them spending quality time with their child. Seeking monetary gains in lieu of nourishing the child with fatherly love.

This is unacceptable in my opinion. Whatever the reason the mother thought it was necessary to  take the father for court by being the “model” dad, is not justifiable. Squash your differences for the sake of your children. If there are two willing participating parents in your child’s life, let him thrive from both parents love. Do not deprive the child because of your differences.

The judicial system is flawed. The judge should be revoked from her duties. The outcome of this case should be reconsidered.

What Are Your Thoughts? Should a Man Do Time For Over-Extending His Parenting Duties?

For complete article, click on the following link.

http://www.sott.net/article/271748-Father-sentenced-to-6-months-in-jail-for-paying-too-much-child-support

New Year! New Start! My Resolutions In Becoming A More Happily Divorcee!

I came across a  recent Huffington Post article discussing common post-split New Year’s resolutions that readers’ shared. While reading the listed 18 resolution goals, I could not help but to nod in agreement with many of these aspiring objectives. Many of the Continue reading New Year! New Start! My Resolutions In Becoming A More Happily Divorcee!

Holiday Party Mingle Etiquette 101- My Insights!

 

Holiday mingling

Photo source: rollingout.com

Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Years are approaching. December is a busy month. There is so much on your plate. Holiday trimming, gift shopping, gifts wrapping, preparing your favorite seasonal meals and let’s not forget the numerous holiday parties that fill your calendar. This is the time to shine as a social-lite and take advantage of the opportunities to meet new acquaintances. To maximize your exposure and effect, I thought I would provide some tips to enhance your meet and greet game.

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Photo Source: thegrio.com

1) Find that perfect festive outfit. Wear holiday colors, shimmers and glitter. That will surely make you stand out in a crowd. Cheerful attire states that you are amicable to others. Make sure the outfit you choose is appropriate for the event you are attending and is flattering to your shape and build.

2) Have a positive attitude and an open-mind. Put your stresses behind and prepare to have good fun. Leave the attitudes and drama at home. Thoughts of work deadlines, bills, lack of romantic partners to exchange holiday gifts convolute your presence when out and about. You can’t have an open mind when you bring stress to the party.

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Photo source: essence.com

3) Smile, smile and smile. Be flirty. Keep the curled lips and pouts at home. Show those pearly whites you were blessed with. A smile goes a long way. Make eye contact and smile to any gent or lady you would like to meet. You will be surprised where that smile takes you.

4) Separate yourself from your friends and co-workers. Walk the room. No one likes to approach someone when there is an audience to witness them at their most vulnerable moment. They don’t want anyone to witness a possible awkward moment of rejection, loss of words, or their best Mack daddy/ mamma game out on display. Separating yourself and taking a break from your crew. Taking a lap around the venue eludes that you are confident, independent and possibly single.

5) Don’t wait for someone to make the first move. This is especially for the ladies. Men do not always have to approach you. Sometimes they need to feel comforted that you are open to meeting them. A smile on your face and direct eye contact works most of the time. But sometimes you need to have that ultimate ice-breaker. Bring up the holiday gala or party and how they got the invite, be versed in current events, and talk about the tasty hors de oeuvres’.  Let the person know you’re interested in what they are discussing by asking follow-up questions about the current topic. Keep the conversations afloat. Don’t let an opportunity to meet a potential great mate pass because you are too shy to open your mouth or unable to navigate the conversation.

Preparations for Holiday Cheer as a Happily Divorcee! Salute!

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December is my favorite month of the year. My inner child jumps out and starts to count down the 25 days to Christmas, embrace the festivities of Kwanzaa and listen to the stories of Hanukkah celebrations from my Jewish friends. I am just as eager for Santa Claus coming to town, holiday cookies, Christmas tree trimming, watching Home Alone, It’s A Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, and Santa Claus series movies on television as my sprouts. I am equally excited over the adult holiday party social gatherings.  Holiday parties are the best as everyone looks forward to the annual gatherings and is the time you can blame your excessive alcohol intake to the joys of giving.  I prepare myself to the many holiday work lunch feasts, after-hour holiday parties, gift exchanges, and most importantly paying gratitude to those who provide service and love to you year-round.

This is the first holiday season where my status will be single. I plan to embrace my singleness while festive in holiday spirit. No sense on dwelling in the past where I always had a date to share my holiday experiences. My electronic RSVP’s will be for just one. Any plus one’s will be reserved for one of my fellow single girlfriends.  It is time to maximize my exposure and what better time than the month of December.

Hello New York City! Introducing me, the fiery firecracker, independent, charismatic, hilarious super woman and mother of two.  Oh and by the way, I am single! And…I can’t tell you how long that status will be…..so get to know me now….as my window for meeting new people is narrowing as we speak. I will strut and exude holiday fumes of gingerbread, peppermint, and pine from my outer presence. As I plan to be fully decked in holiday essence.

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I will sip my spiked eggnog, hog out on the ham, wear my most sexy festive holiday outfit, dance to my favorite holiday classics like Run DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” and reserve special moments under the mistletoe for the fellas that are deemed worthy. Afterall I am a Happily Divorcee!

I will not let my spirits damper reflecting on past holiday traditions. It is time for new experiences and opportunities. Tis is the time to celebrate the ending of a challenging year, reflect on your blessings, cherish the wonderful people who remain in your life and look forward to new beginnings. Fill your pathway with Joy, Peace and Happiness as we enter into 2014.

I say Cheers! Salute! A La Votre! Saude! Salud! Tos! Prosit! to good times for all. Enjoy your holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Hanukkah! Feliz Navidad! Joyeux Noel! Froliche Weihnachten! Feliz Natal! I look forward to sharing all of my holiday experiences with everyone this month….Stay Tuned!

Babyface Converses with Deion Sanders Re: Dating Ex-Wife and Meeting Kids- My Insights! Your Thoughts?

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Photo source: http://www.thejasminebrand.com

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/25/babyface-deion-sanders-tracey-edmonds_n_4326701.html?ncid=txtlnkushpmg00000038&ir=Black+Voices

I happen to read this article on the Huffington Post and watched the video clip which will be shown on Oprah Winfrey‘s television network OWN. The article discusses the man-to-man conversation between Babyface and Deion Sanders prior to meeting Babyface’s children. I thought this scenario depicted a positive, mature example of two men, the divorced father, Babyface and the love interest Deion Sanders of the divorced mother Tracey Edmonds getting together to discuss Deion’s interest in Tracey and to seek acceptance prior to being introduced to their children. I admired how the article depicted Babyface’s genuine love and wanting the best interest for Tracey, despite differences that resulted in the dissolution of their marriage. It also showcased Deion as being considerate of Babyface by seeking approval prior to meeting Tracey’s children.

My Insights

Now, as a Divorcee dating, I separate my dating life from my children. However, I have often wondered when is the best time to introduce your children to your dating partner. According to Steve Harvey’s book “Think Like A Man, Act Like A Woman,” Steve suggests to not wait too long. He states how you do not want to invest so much of your emotions and time with someone then six months later, realize that your love interest does not  like your children or the extended family is a bit of a handful to his liking.  His reasoning, is that you just wasted six months with someone who is not compatible with your family. A casual meeting at a public place such as a local play area like Chuck E. Cheese have been suggested from a variety of sources when initially introducing your children to your new beau. The person is just happenstance there, and the children are not aware that the gent is someone you are actively dating, as it could be just a co-worker. Thus, allowing the initial engagement with the children to be light. However, you don’t want a revolving door of men meeting your children. That is not healthy.

Deion’s approach in asking acceptance from the father prior to meeting the kids is something new to be considered. Why not wait until you are vested in the relationship for a while. An initial meeting with the love interest eases the co-parenting relationship you have with your ex. Maybe this approach will alleviate any potential tension between the two men in the future. If I become serious with someone new, I hope that my ex-husband would be as mature as Babyface when meeting the new significant person in my life. I also would like the woman in my ex’s life to be just as considerate to me, the mother. While I always imagined if I did become serious in dating someone, that a mature dialogue would eventually occur, I never thought of the idea that it could happen prior to meeting the children.

The scenario provides an example that two people can be divorced yet be amicable towards each other. There are no hidden agendas, but genuine care for each other’s well-being and happiness. Bitterness, animosity, and jealousy are non-existent. I applaud and admire Babyface and Deion for their mature approach. Given that Deion has a family of his own, he could emphasize with Babyface, as I am sure he is protective of his own children and would not want just anyone being brought into their lives.

Thoughts?

What are your thoughts? If divorced, would you attempt to foster an amicable relationship with your ex? Would you want someone introducing themselves to you first, prior to meeting your offspring?

You Make Time For What You Want!

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When you are important to another person that person will always find a way to make time for you, no excuses, no lies, no broken promises.

I have a hectic schedule. I balance my career, motherly duties, kids schedules, gym, my blog and social time with friends….but I make time for those that I consider important to me. Family and friends. The same goes in the dating world, if there is an interest, I make time for that person. I allow time to get to know that person. I don’t expect much, but the same consideration in return. I accommodate, you accommodate. That is all I ask. Nothing more, nothing less. I admit, I am pretty tasked at time management…but also know that I do not manage my time well if I am apprehensive in performing a task or meeting someone.

I make time for what I want to do. If I know someone may have a regularly restrictive schedule, but I would like to see or get to know that person, I amend. I have a similar schedule and I expect the same in return. I believe everyone does what they want to do. Despite how chaotic your schedule is, if you really want to spend time or do something with someone, you will do it. If you care, it will show. If you love, it cannot be contained. Know your worth! And know that whomever you date that has a genuine interest will make time for you. Everyone makes time for what they want to do.

Since dating as a divorcee, I have met those that do show interest and make getting to know me a priority and I have also met those whom made a lackluster effort in spending quality time with me. The men that have not made a considerable effort, I beckon to their excuses, unpredictable work schedules..due to overtime, last-minute client meetings, emergencies and etc. Stuff happens, right? I have to give the gent the benefit of the doubt? As a reasonable person, I do, I always do! But eventually I feel played and hurt. Because this same gent whom just did not have time to get to know me, Kapow!  I am hit blind-sided because he is off the next day en route to Buenes Aires, Costa Rica or Cartagena with who knows, partying in Las Vegas or Philly with another chick by his side, or at a Kanye concert with a few friends that includes another woman, or spending his birthday with a group of friends at the same venue where I was hanging with a girlfriend…and the only reason he shared because I text the guy my whereabouts and he has to apologize because he was at the same venue but had a date with him and was being “considerate” and not disrespectful to me by having another woman in my face. Now mind you that was just a couple of weeks following his bike run for MS which I was a generous donor.  Whatever! In the end they always state that the “other woman” is never  someone serious. Just a close friend and yadayadayada. However, I deduce it as that gent choosing to spend those special moments with that person and not me. So I say screw the dudes that do not put forth the effort. Salute to the lovely gents that do. I now choose to spend time with men that are equally accomodating to me. Only those that make time and make me their number one option. In the end everyone makes time for what they want… including me!

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Those You Let In Your Life…

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Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy.  If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.

Photo: blackloveadvice.org

The Gym: My Constant Friend

GetAttachment

The gym has and continues to be my constant as I go through the ebbs and flows of my new life path.  Now I have always been sporadically physically active  throughout my adulthood but of course there are life obstacles that stray you away. Childbirth, work deadlines, kids activities, social commitments and the emotions of dealing with marriage, family and friends. But I will say the summer of 2012 was when I decided to make exercise a constant influence in my life. Last summer was a very emotional period….as I was contemplating my decision regarding my marriage. I needed an escape and outlet to channel my depression, grief, anxiety, confusion and lets just say control the inner “crazy chick” that started to amuse the visuals in my head of my children’s father becoming a full-size punching bag. So I needed to run from reality and clear my head. It began by taking AM three-mile runs along the Jersey City waterfront. Then I incorporated bootcamp, kickboxing, sculpting, dancing and spinning classes. The gym provided me with a sense of community.  When you see others dedicated to attending class you aim to follow suit.  I found a great instructor that was tough-spirited and played all of my favorite beats. A gym class that simulates a club experience? What??? This is a hidden secret. These classes aided me in channeling my negative energy into building my self esteem. I started to notice the change in my physical appearance, others began to take notice. And let me tell you a woman on the brinks of divorce….compliments on how together you look is the best positive reinforcement a woman could want. However, don’t get too caught up in the hype….you have to maintain your effort and also decipher between the compliments and just the dating “game”.

When I start my work day in downtown Manhattan and am bogged down with the occasional blues….maybe because I am frustrated on how tough it is to be a single mom and how their father could be of better help, bothered that my son went to school angry because I made him tardy again, or my post-divorce dating life sucks…and it looks like my new founded single-hood will be a constant state in my life, or forgot that I had a 9am meeting at work and was completely unprepared to provide a de-brief on my existing projects….My lunch date with New York Health and Raquet Club helps me clear out all of those frustrations. Regardless if I am prepared or not for my gym date….by the end…. I feel refreshed and positive-spirited that I conquered the task at hand. The perspiration from my gym class sheds the toxins of my blues away.

When I reflect on how I was able to manage through my decision in getting a divorce, going through the paperwork and court, the back and forth of negotiating and my current journey as a single mom and divorcee….the gym has been my relentless friend. The gym has been there to pull me up and build my confidence to where it is at present. The gym is my constant. The gym is my unconditional friend.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”

― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love

My Separation From The “Ring”

 

During the intense period in determining to get a divorce from my ex -husband…..there was another separation that I had to consider. The removal of my wedding band from my left index finger. This decision triggered me to take a deep pause….matter-of-fact I had to sleep a few Continue reading My Separation From The “Ring”