Tag Archives: marriage

10 Harsh Truths Your Husband’s Prostitute Wants You To Know

This was an insightful and thought provoking article that I thought I would share. Originally on YourTango.com. Don’t Attack The Intermediary Messenger!  I welcome all of your comments and thoughts.
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As written by a prostitute.

I’ve had plenty of experience being the the other woman. As a promiscuous college student, I recall seducing a college baseball player with a long-distance girlfriend. Well, I eventually got sick of “giving it up for free” and figured I may as well get paid to play. After many years as a stripper, a dash of desperation, and gradually becoming more open-minded, I posted my first ad on a website for upscale escorts catering to sugar daddies. That’s right, I prostitute for a living. Here’s what I’ve learned in the process about your husbands:

1. Monogamy is against most men’s biological nature. But nest-building and settling down with one primary woman to raise a family is not. He’s chosen you, not me. He might see me as more fun, vivacious or sexual, but he sees you as the best candidate for wife, mother and life companion. He takes you seriously; not me.

2. Your partnership, in his eyes, has turned into more of an asexual friendship without the “benefits.” He still wants the benefits (as in the sex) but would rather seek out a willing mistress than rock the boat with you by expressing his frustration at your loss of interest in sex—or at least sex like it used to be.

3. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Social conditioning has enabled his feelings of male “have it all” entitlement. He still loves the hell out of you but male privilege dictates he can play around, get away with it and not be held accountable.

4I require less maintenance both emotionally and financially. I’m not a long-term investment. Whether I’m seeing him for money or seeing him just for fun, I’m his sidechick who is (sometimes painfully) at his beck and call for fantasy fulfillment as well as emotional support. Whereas you’re a full-time career with great benefits and insurance, I’m an hourly temp job.

5. He feels more comfortable telling me things he doesn’t have the confidence to admit to you. I’m basically a young, good-looking version of a therapist but unlike professionally-trained therapists, he gets to f*ck me. (That’s why in the case of escorting, my $500 per hour rate exceeds many of the nation’s best PhD holding psychiatrists and psychologists).

6. He can ask me to perform certain sexual acts that he doesn’t feel comfortable asking you to do. I don’t do anal sex, but I love giving oral, slightly rough sex, threesomes, a little role-play, and light BDSM.

7. He might be indulging an addiction, replacing an addiction or channeling his craving for other vices toward a different form of self-destructive behavior. If he has a history of gambling, alcoholism or drug addiction, it’s common for him to channel this pleasure-seeking energy toward me. He’s listening to his Id, not his super-ego, because he has a history of weakness toward seeking pleasure in excess.

8. He gets off on the risk. He might not even be seeing me for me at all because it’s about indulging in a thrill-seeking risk. Some guys try harder not to get caught but most men I’ve encountered love flirting with disaster a little bit, especially if he’s paying me hush-money. That way, his cocky ass feels extra confident I won’t go Fatal Attraction on him. He knows (and I know) painfully well that if you catch him in our affair, your female instinct will be to blame me for seducing him. But here’s a truthbomb: I’m not standing on a street corner, sipping a martini at the Four Seasons hoping to seduce him; he sought me out. But hey, go ahead and blame me if it helps you sleep at night, dear.

9. He’s got a Madonna-whore complex and puts you in the Madonna category. He doesn’t think of the mother of his kids in the same sexual way he may have during the hot and heavy early days. He’d rather have hot hotel sex with someone who asks little of him than boring, quiet missionary sex that’s subdued and quiet so to not wake up the kid. Also, I’m probably younger and better-rested than you are, with more energy to bring to our sexual encounters than just letting him hurry up and have sex with me until he comes to get it over with.

10. He’s got a savior complex. He feels good supporting me financially—to whatever extent he does—while also enjoying the ‘No Strings Attached’ sex arrangement. It’s mutually beneficial. He knows I’m jealous of the “main bitch” role but willing to settle for his sidechick beacuse I’m used to it. However, he exploits that desire and manipulates me emotionally. This is why so many men make false promises to leave their wives and take their mistresses on extravagant vacations.

At the end of the day, though, if your little boy gets a sniffle, he’ll ditch a romantic weekend getaway with me in a red hot second. And if you call to tell him he has to be home to let the plumber in between 2-5, he’ll cancel our 3 pm, $500/1 hour fling cause he doesn’t give a sh*t about me and he’s scared of your wrath. Basically, you have him whipped and I’m just a fun hobby he’s able to sacrifice when serious stuff comes up. (Yet, he easily forgets that as his mistress/escort, I may be relying on that appointment money to feed MY child as a singlemother or pay my tuition.)

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10 things I wish I’d known before getting divorced

This morning I read this forthright article posted on NBC Today in the Health section which I found from HuffPostDivorce. A divorce mediator tells of her 10 things she was not prepared for in her own divorce which resonates not only with me but other divorcees. Continue reading 10 things I wish I’d known before getting divorced

5 Can’t-Argue-With Reasons To Date A Single Mom

I thought this article on YourTango.com was absolutely great and to the point. Similar to a few articles already posted here: Perks In Dating A Divorcee, 5 Things You Should Know In Dating a Divorce Woman- A Professional Perspective, My Insights!; Should A Guy Be Accepting of Not Being #1 Priority When Dating A Single Mom. While it re-iterates what the articles I previously posted….It is always great to hear these views from multiple sources. This is definitely for the gents who do not realize the value in dating a Single Mom and/or Divorcee! Enjoy!

Continue reading 5 Can’t-Argue-With Reasons To Date A Single Mom

Jill Scott Discusses Her Six Month Dating Rule! I Concur!

While promoting her Lifetime movie “With This Ring. Jill Scott opens up to ABC News about her dating routine. She says you will not see her in relationships that last longer than six months unless she finds an extremely remarkable guy whom she sees herself having a pretty solid future with. Having experiencing heartbreak as a divorcee, the actress says that she has learned quite a bit—so much so that she has a six-month cut off period for her romantic relationships. Continue reading Jill Scott Discusses Her Six Month Dating Rule! I Concur!

Is This You? 10 Personality Types Who Struggle To Find True Love

Interesting article on YourTango.com! I was able to identify with a few of these personality types. There are a few traits I will admit I aim to still  improve upon while other traits were  short-lived insecurities that followed a not-so-great break-up that I eventually overcame. Enjoy! 

Continue reading Is This You? 10 Personality Types Who Struggle To Find True Love

10 Reasons He Married You When He Wasn’t IN Love With You!

This article is pretty deep, disturbing but very real. Women and Men please read! Marry because you are “In Love” please “Do Not Settle” nor “Try to Force It Upon Your Partner”- maybe your partner’s timing doesn’t match or really does not want to marry you. In the end there is just regret and lost time. Take heed in staying in a relationship because you feel you put in the time and it is familiar but you know you and your partner is not really thrilled.  I truly believe over half of the marriages that exist today is because either the Woman or Man settled and are not with their soul mates. I get it no one wants to be alone in the long run. If you choose to settle for someone that is not your soul mate, for stability and reliability, no judgment from here. However, as a Divorcee and speaking to other Divorcees, the second time around we are looking for true chemistry that is sustainable. We are not settling and making the same mistakes we made the first time around. Enjoy this article from YourTango.com

Continue reading 10 Reasons He Married You When He Wasn’t IN Love With You!

Amazing Sex Is My Blessing and Curse! from HuffPost Women

I thought this was a great article on HuffPost Women. Having passion with a guy does not necessarily make him relationship material. This is where many of us women get it wrong. Enjoy!

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I lived the majority of my life with a “passion trumps all” mentality.

I would pass on any relationship that felt “ordinary” or predictable. If anyone wastotally into me, I had an allergic reaction, immediately running the other way.

I also chose ambiguous relationships where I never had any kind of conversation to figure out where I stood with a guy and, therefore, made lots of assumptions.

Often, when I wanted commitment, he would agree, but his actions never matched his promises.

I never wanted to seem too intense or be that “crazy girl,” so I kept quiet. But on the inside, my stomach was always in knots.

Quick flashback: I had ended a five-year relationship and met a leading matchmaker in New York City, who was looking for single gals. I was a total newbie — fresh on the market from my broken engagement. She sped me through years of therapy in her informative intake and told me she had a great guy for me — a relationship-minded guy which, to me, sounded like code for “boring.” I quickly flashed to a life of predictability and void of excitement.

“But will we have chemistry?” I asked.

She replied, “I know you love passion. It’s clear after knowing you for one hour. I promise that if you keep going for the smooth dude, you will be 40 and single.”

Well, cut to me: 40 and single.

The matchmaker (now my best friend) set me up with many good guys, but I always returned, saying, “I just don’t feel any connection.”

My friends labeled me as “too picky” and I justified it as “not wanting to settle.”

The truth is, no one could convince me. I was on the chemistry road to nowhere. So, how did I finally get off the road?

One day, the matchmaker told me she had found someone, but his relationship readiness was not convincing. Her advice: “You are exactly what he needs, so if he is ready, it will be perfect. If not, don’t stay for the sex.”

Well… I stayed for the sex.

I stayed (two years) thinking that I could love him into commitment. Wrong, so wrong (cue the horrible sound accompanying the wrong answer “X” on Family Feud).

But I had to OD on my pattern. Doesn’t it suck that we often only grow from intense pain and disappointment? But this relationship was a turning point, and for that I am grateful.

I had a come-to-consciousness moment when this guy (who was now about to marry another woman) called and said, “I will never love anyone as much as you. If I could have one wish, it would be to go away with you and snuggle like only we do.”

I was slightly horrified, and, yet, oddly flattered that I rated so high. Not good. (I know this.)

Obviously, I did not plan on “snuggling” with a man days before his nuptials, but I did come from a family where my dad cheated, and my mom took him back many times. You might say my threshold for nonsense is way too high — and you would be correct.

Most women would hear something like that from a man going to his bachelor party, and hang up the phone and never answer his calls again. I never saw “bachelor party” guy again. Instead, I landed on the green couch of my therapist.

Dr. Kim — the oracle (totally a Matrix reference) — leaned forward in her chair (always code for something profound is about to happen) and said, “You know that good sex doesn’t mean a good relationship? You know that, right?”

“What do you mean?”

She repeated, “Good sex doesn’t always equal a good relationship. Good sex equals good sex.”

I asked (in the most childlike way possible), “Am I supposed to live in a loveless, boring relationship where I have no desire to have sex? I’d rather live like a monk.”

“No, that is not what I said, Di Ana, that’s what you heard.” She always gets me when she says my name. She’s good, real good.

I softened, “But he is the most amazing snuggler in the world.”

“Do you want a relationship?”

I nodded.

“Well, all I am saying is you confuse the two.”

“Well, maybe.” I recoiled. Truth is, I do confuse amazing sex for amazing relationships all the time.

A fulfilling sex life is important, but it cannot be the only reason you stay with someone.

I honestly believed that if I loved these men enough and was an incredible partner they would eventually commit. But you have to be able to see what is happening vs. what you wish would happen.

I realized:

  1. When someone doesn’t want to commit: walk away. You can’t love someone into commitment.
  2. Listen to their words, but see what they do. Action matters.
  3. “Relationship-minded” is actually a trait you should look for in a man.

I found a whole new level of passion when I started dating relationship-minded men. Who knew? It is far from boring; the connection that develops from reliability, trust and communication is exciting.

Once I realized this, I found such profound freedom. Now, when I date a man and the chemistry is off the charts, I do not go into fantasy mode.

If we have an effortless connection, I let it be just that — effortless. Instead of analyzing his words and the way he tilts his head while saying them, I wait to see if his words will match his actions.

In short, I look for no rules and no games. I choose to see what is, while enjoying every minute with someone who is committed to taking the ride with me — bumps in the road and all.

If Your Guy Does These 16 Things, Congrats! You Found a Real Man

This is a superb article on PopSugar.com. Great start to my morning! I agree 100% with this article. The author slayed it and is on point. Where is my Rhett Butler? These are the qualities you should definitely look for in a gent. Don’t sell yourself short!

How to know you’re dating a true gentleman and total, bonafide catch.

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I love Rhett Butler.

No, not Gerard. Rhett.

In fact, I feel that every man and woman on the planet should be made to watch “Gone With The Wind” at least twice, if only to teach men how to be men and women how to separate them from the boys. And if you are dating in the here and now, you know where the boys are: on Tinder, on Match, on the street, making vulgar statements about what they’d like to do with you and where. They’re in your phone texting sexual innuendos before they know your last name and asking to “hang out” because they’re terrified of committing to the idea of a proper date.

Rhett Butler would not do any of this.

Rhett was a man in control of himself. He dressed and spoke well, loved better, and had a great sense of humor, sometimes of questionable taste. He was unafraid to speak his mind, stand his ground, fall wildly in love, and show his love (and fight for it, too). Now, before you remind me that I’m speaking about a fictional character, I’ll let you in on a little secret: I was raised by a man who lived this way and know a few men who live this way now, and make no mistake: they do wonderfully with women.

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As a woman, there’s nothing better than being in the presence of a man who relishes in his masculinity in a way that doesn’t involve the obvious chest-pounding and cat-calling, but the confident reserve of a gentleman. Now, before you accuse me of hating men, let me be clear; I love more things about men than I can put into one article. This is not about finding female empowerment though man-bashing. Quite the opposite, actually.It’s a celebration of the grown up man’s man who knows how to treat a woman. What does this man look like, to me, at least? Well…

1. He is hygienic, but cleans his nails and trims his nose hairs outside of a nail salon. Think about it: Would Hemingway or Gladiator be getting his nails buffed? Methinks not.

2. He can balance both swag and sophistication and a career and a personal life without too many proverbial exclamation points (and certainly not multiple ones in a text message. No, no, no).

3. He reserves his “LOL” for actual laughter, which he exudes out loud and often.

4. He isn’t looking to play “pen pal” with you through your iPhone because he knows that all text and no play makes Johnny a very dull boy.

5. When he’s interested in a woman, he doesn’t wait three days to call her, but he does actually call her, and when he does, he asks her out for dinner, makes reservations, picks a great bottle of wine (because he knows how to) and then makes sure she gets home safely.

6. If he wants to see her again, he lets her know, and if he doesn’t, he politely lets her know that it was a pleasure to spend time with her, even if it wasn’t. He does, however, let her know gently and firmly enough that he’s not interested so that she doesn’t waste her time thinking it might become something it won’t.

7. He reads actual books and newspapers and holds opinions on everything from scotch pairings to world events all the while understanding that not all of his opinions are facts and that not everyone has to agree with him in order for him to maintain his relationships or his manhood. In fact, he enjoys it when you don’t agree with him because it means he gets to indulge you in a good debate or leave you thinking a little bit harder about things than when you sat down in front of him.

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8. He opens doors and takes coats, not because he feels a woman is weak, but because he is strong enough to show that he cares about the comfort of those around him.

9. Sure, he might want to get into a woman’s bed, but he’s also interested in getting into her head as experience has shown him that seduction is a delicate dance and the man who resides in her mind has conquered every other part of her.

10. He appreciates a woman who shows she cares for him, but he isn’t interested in being courted. He enjoys taking the lead in courting and doesn’t need to be “chased” because he’s in desperate need of an ego stroke. He also won’t play “puppy dog” to a woman who takes advantage of this.

11. He doesn’t look to be anyone’s father or savior, and he doesn’t pretend to be the leading man in any woman’s fairy tale. He’s just a man looking for a partner who can slay her own dragons, pay her own bills and explore the world alongside him.

12. He looks for a woman who doesn’t need him, but wants him, not for money or thehappiness or a baby or a safety net, but solely for who he is.

13. He has a career, a hobby, a family of close friends and a favorite way to have his steak prepared and he isn’t the least bit intimidated when the woman in front of him shares these qualities; quite the contrary, it makes him want her more.

14. He has taken the time to get to know himself and has a strong understanding of his own character and convictions, what he values and what he doesn’t. He is a man who is honest with himself about himself and therefore is OK being honest with those around him.

15. He takes as much pride in the way he treats women he’s with as he does his job and the way he looks.

16. He’s not the bad boy, a good boy, or a boy at all; he’s a man. A leading man, and he’s looking not for a good girl, but a great woman. One who shares all of the solid qualities that he brings to the table, and perhaps, can teach him something along the way. He’s willing to wait and work for this woman, to fight for her and will gladly hold out for her as long as he needs to. But when she comes along, he doesn’t sit on the fence; he’s smart enough to know when he’s gotten damned lucky. And when she finds him, she should be smart enough to know the same.

A Relationship Red Flag! How Long Should You Hold Back Concerns In A Sprouting Relationship Before It Backfires or Good Riddance?

You have met a wonderful gent, he is handsome, charismatic and shows genuine interest in you. The two of you hit it off and enjoy each other’s company.This guy has wonderful qualities and so far it seems your timing in life and priorities are in sync.

Now of course he is not perfect, there are certain nuances you pick up early on. But they are not considered deal breakers, but something that would need to be further dissected. You are still very much interested in getting to know this gent further as the positive qualities outweigh the negatives so far.

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Time goes on and you continue to admire the positives. He is for the most part consistent. The interest in each other is equally yoked. Continue reading A Relationship Red Flag! How Long Should You Hold Back Concerns In A Sprouting Relationship Before It Backfires or Good Riddance?

There’s One Thing That Causes All Breakups — And It’s SHOCKING!

Entertaining article on YourTango.com that I came across. Enjoy!

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It’s not that he’s selfish or she’s thoughtless. It’s about what’s (NOT) happening in bed.

What is the number one reason why couples decide to separate ways?

Well, if you believe the most common relationship advice out there, the cause of a breakup isn’t that obvious. There are thousands upon thousands of different opinions when it comes to finding an answer to why couples decide to end a relationship.

I am sorry to disappoint you, but you won’t hear the same nonsense from me that you heard over and over again. I won’t tell you that your girlfriend simply needed more time to “find herself,” whatever the heck that even means.

I won’t lie to you. Instead of feeding you all the fairytale beliefs about relationships and breakups that every couples therapist would tell you in order to get paid for another hour, I’m here to tell you the truth.

Unless there’s something serious going on like domestic violence, there is only ONE reason why couples break up, no matter what they think the true reason is.

Life Is Not A Hollywood Movie

We are trained by society and especially by the movie industry that breakups are always something dramatic. One person has to do something that hurts the other person or, even worse, we are made to believe that it is normal to break up because of every little trifle.

  • “You forgot my birthday! I’m done!”
  • “You never help in the household! I can’t take it anymore!”
  • “You just stabbed my mother! I’m going!”

All of these are just symptoms of a souring relationship, but they’re not the real reason you broke up — unless you really killed her mother.

Your girlfriend might tell you that she needs more space and that she wants to find herself, but in reality she is simply unsatisfied with the relationship. She might also tell you that you’ve changed and that you are not made for each other, but in reality she’s just unsatisfied with the relationship.

The True Reason For Breakups

What distinguishes a happy woman and, therefore, a happy relationship from an unhappy woman and, therefore, an unhappy relationship? How is it possible that some women are completely satisfied in a relationship while others are completely unsatisfied?

The only true reason for breakups is your penis!

OK, it’s not directly your penis but the fact that it’s is not inside her, at least not the time or the way that she wants it. Maybe you’re already at a place where she doesn’t even want you inside her anymore.

No matter what constellation you choose, the reason for breakups always goes back to sexual frustration.

You can call me crazy. You can convince yourself to not believe me, and you can even say that I am a stupid liar, but I honestly have NEVER seen an unhappy couple that had amazing sex.

I have never talked to a guy who said that he wants to break up with his girlfriend, even though he was still sexually attracted to her. I have also never talked to a girl who told me that she wants to break up with her boyfriend, despite the fact that she still enjoys him in bed.

No matter what the person who leaves says and no matter how your partner expresses her frustration, it always goes back on unfulfilled sexual desires: One of you is underappreciated in the bedroom and, therefore, frustrated.

Why It Is Inevitable

Do you want to hear another uncomfortable truth? You can take as many relationship therapy sessions as you want and you can buy as many sex toys as you can fit into your closet, but once the sexual attraction is gone, you can hardly get it back.

Unless the sexual attraction for each other is gone because you both gained 100 kilos and are fat as blue whales, it’s a natural process that two people lose interest in each other time, even though they didn’t change physically.

We human beings are not designed to live a monogamous life with just one partner for the rest of our life.

In case you decide to label me as a liar and decide to stay in your “happy” relationship even though your sex life is bad, you will rot in that miserable relationship for the rest of your life until your penis falls off, which is not really bad because you’re not using it anyway.