Tag Archives: Mental health

To Quarrel or Not to Quarrel

Many married couples separate because they quarrel incessantly, but just as many separate because they were never honest enough or courageous enough to quarrel when they should have. 

–Sydney J. Harris

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Some people avoid arguing with their mate like it is the plague. They separate rather then understanding each others wants and desires and reconciling their differences through healthy debate. Two parties remain unhappy, leading to break-ups. On the other hand ceaseless debates especially over the same issues is unhealthy. There is no sense of arguing and debating the same points if a resolution or understanding is not made at the end. At the end, if the two care enough about each other, both parties will seek to remedy the issue at hand. Or if each person has conviction to their point and do not want to reconcile, they must agree to disagree and either deal, accept and adjust to the difference of opinions or just agree to separate. Not harp on the same issue over and over again.

Quarreling is healthy to a relationship, allows two people to vent their differences. This is if done in a positive, non-verbally abusive manner with the point to resolve the issue in the end.

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Many couples choose to resolve any differences prior to going to bed, remove any lingering effects leading to extended miscommunication, disagreement and misunderstanding.

I believe their is always disagreement in how two people live and approach life. When you are in a committed relationship, discuss differences at the infancy stage prior to the build-up of frustration. In my opinion, the quarrels will be fewer and less vibrant. Quarrelling fosters a healthy relationship supporting open communication. Make sure the topic has a means to an end.

What are your thoughts and experiences? Do you see quarreling as healthy?

Divorce Top 10 Reasons- My Insights!

There are many causes for separation and dissolution of marriages. Some reasons are more common than others. In fact, the arguments I site below are also applicable to intimate relationships in general, married or not. Now I do not claim to be an expert, so the causes can be ordered differently. Some points can be combined as certain reasons are triggers to other missteps. Below are my top ten reasons. Continue reading Divorce Top 10 Reasons- My Insights!

The Gym: My Constant Friend

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The gym has and continues to be my constant as I go through the ebbs and flows of my new life path.  Now I have always been sporadically physically active  throughout my adulthood but of course there are life obstacles that stray you away. Childbirth, work deadlines, kids activities, social commitments and the emotions of dealing with marriage, family and friends. But I will say the summer of 2012 was when I decided to make exercise a constant influence in my life. Last summer was a very emotional period….as I was contemplating my decision regarding my marriage. I needed an escape and outlet to channel my depression, grief, anxiety, confusion and lets just say control the inner “crazy chick” that started to amuse the visuals in my head of my children’s father becoming a full-size punching bag. So I needed to run from reality and clear my head. It began by taking AM three-mile runs along the Jersey City waterfront. Then I incorporated bootcamp, kickboxing, sculpting, dancing and spinning classes. The gym provided me with a sense of community.  When you see others dedicated to attending class you aim to follow suit.  I found a great instructor that was tough-spirited and played all of my favorite beats. A gym class that simulates a club experience? What??? This is a hidden secret. These classes aided me in channeling my negative energy into building my self esteem. I started to notice the change in my physical appearance, others began to take notice. And let me tell you a woman on the brinks of divorce….compliments on how together you look is the best positive reinforcement a woman could want. However, don’t get too caught up in the hype….you have to maintain your effort and also decipher between the compliments and just the dating “game”.

When I start my work day in downtown Manhattan and am bogged down with the occasional blues….maybe because I am frustrated on how tough it is to be a single mom and how their father could be of better help, bothered that my son went to school angry because I made him tardy again, or my post-divorce dating life sucks…and it looks like my new founded single-hood will be a constant state in my life, or forgot that I had a 9am meeting at work and was completely unprepared to provide a de-brief on my existing projects….My lunch date with New York Health and Raquet Club helps me clear out all of those frustrations. Regardless if I am prepared or not for my gym date….by the end…. I feel refreshed and positive-spirited that I conquered the task at hand. The perspiration from my gym class sheds the toxins of my blues away.

When I reflect on how I was able to manage through my decision in getting a divorce, going through the paperwork and court, the back and forth of negotiating and my current journey as a single mom and divorcee….the gym has been my relentless friend. The gym has been there to pull me up and build my confidence to where it is at present. The gym is my constant. The gym is my unconditional friend.