Reflecting on my blog posts from last year at this time…I ask myself did I achieve my goals for 2014. I can say I honestly did. I remain optimistic on life, pushing forward in all my aspirations. I approach all new situations with an open mind and heart. Continue reading New Year New Vision!
Thursdays are my day reserved to mingle. Head out to a Manhattan professional after-work function and meet new people, friends and/or potentials. Normal routine as discussed in “Ready Set Mingle“. Today, surprisngly I have a date. An actual well-thought out, planned a week in advance “date”. Now, as a divorcee on the dating scene, you should think that is normal procedure. But it hasn’t been. In fact, most men I have came across do not like to put forth the effort in organizing really anything. Hanging out for drinks with a couple hours notice, I do not qualify as a “date”. Now don’t get me wrong, a woman does appreciate some spontaneity. So no pun intended to my extemporaneous gents out there. Sometimes schedules free up and ability to adjust on last minute notice is appreciated and acknowledged. But, as an extraordinary woman, I do appreciate a gent taking the initiative and providing me with the well-deserved “wooing” from time to time. Time shared together does not always have to be unplanned. Reservations made, double-booking for dinner and listening to great music…two-thumbs up so far.
So, giddy inside I am…but still a realist. This marks the first “official” date in 2014 for me. My plan in 2014 after thoughtful dating is to deviate from the common situationships many of us woman find ourselves caught up in and gravitate towards a building relationship. Now, my new rule is not to take a gent too seriously until at least we had four dates…and no this is not even a night cap or open my pandora box rule…I don’t believe in those rules per se. This is to be considered a viable dating option that could lead to a potential budding relationship. So tonight, my Thirsty Thursdays will be missed and replace with the true purpose of my weekly recurring open vacancy…an actual “date”.
Photo source: http://www.xxlmag.com
Photo Source: http://www.eonlinenews.com
Okay there has been more than enough buzz since the media found out that basketball player Dwayne Wade fathered a child (now three-month old) with Aja Metoyer (alleged known Groupie- a woman who has persistent relationships with celebrities) during a break from his long-term intimate relationship with his new fiancee, actress Gabrielle Union. Now it turns out Ludacris also fathered a child while on a temporary hiatus from longtime girlfriend Eudoxie. Apparently, the child was born early December and is approximately one-month old.
When two people decide to take a break from a relationship whether temporary or permanent….they are entitled to live their lives as a single woman or man. Meaning, in my opinion entitled and free to do as they please. Two individuals wanting a break means they are not ready to pursue a relationship or move forward the already established relationship they have with each other. While on hiatus, the ex boyfriend or girlfriend may seek sexual and emotional satisfaction from someone else. This is not infidelity, vows have not been shared. A serious or not so serious connection can be established with another woman or man. While Dwayne Wade and Ludacris may need a lesson or two on safe sex practices, engaging in sexual intimacy while separated from their girlfriend/fiancée is not wrong. Sometimes engaged in other relationships while separate from your ex-boo allows you to appreciate the relationship and qualities you and your ex-boo shared and possesses.
In some cases two people drift back to each other rekindling their deep emotional bond as more mature adults. This could be after months of partying, focusing on career, or just getting all of the single’itis out of their system. Gabby and Dwayne…..discussed their break from each other and Dwayne’s mistake that led to a precious treasure. She has accepted her man despite his flaws and the new addition to their future family. She is all good…and content with her bling bling. The same can be said for Eudoxie. As the two were seen together happy as they shared in the New Year together.
Hey, not everyone can have the sequentially desired mating lifestyle. Boy meets girl, date, get engaged, married then have offspring. Love is blind. Sometimes, there are kids from other baby mommies and daddies….including while you are on relationship break from your mate.
What Are Your Thoughts? Would You Rekindle A Relationship With An Ex Despite Him Fathering A Child With Another Woman or Having A Child With Another Man?
Today is a time to celebrate. What a rocky year 2013 has been. This year has been full of changes. My status changed from married to divorced and I grasped the horns of becoming a single mother. I look forward to the New Year and plan to celebrate a bittersweet ending to 2013 and hopes and promises that I look forward to in 2014. I plan to take my lessons learned in 2013 and fine-tune my priorities in life. Refer to blog post “Lessons Learned: Grass Isn’t Greener-Onward to 2014.
I will start New Year’s Eve with a healthy protein breakfast and a quick work-out to remind myself that my health and staying fit will be even more significant in the new year. Then off to the Beautician so he can make me fabulous for my evening festivities. As keeping up my appearance as a 30-something youngin’ is also on the top of my priorities in the New Year. My grandmother reminded me of this during my Christmas visit. Her quote, “If everything else is not going right at the moment, just make sure you keep your appearance in tact…everything else will eventually fall into place.” So I will take heed to that advice. I will continue to pamper myself and prepare for the night festivities. My festive Freak-um dress awaits.
I plan to spend the New Year’s Eve with friends at the festive gala. No “Boo” to share in the arrival of 2014 and ending of 2013 with. Any prospects I shared time with in 2013 are more likely planning to share it with another boo or indulging in their own swag. No worries…..New Year’s Eve is a time to cherish with those who are special in your life. There is no other people I would prefer to share this moment with besides my sprouts whom I watched the ball drop with over the past few years, than my friends. Plus, a gala is always great to meet new male friends that could turn into a positive in 2014.
My glass will be filled with spirits and I will laugh and dance the night away. When the ball drops and cheers begin for the new year, I plan to share in a New Year’s kiss with a new friend. It may or may not be innocent, I will just seize the moment. In 2014 a new chapter and fresh page in my book of life begins. So what better way to celebrate the beginning of 2014 than a perfect New Year’s kiss at midnight? No formalities are needed. Just Pucker Up!
While content with my new status as divorced and a single mother of two….in 2013 I learned some real life lessons as a divorcee. Lessons I have learned this year have helped shape me into becoming a stronger and more optimistic woman for the upcoming new year. Transitioning from a married woman to an independent, strong-minded and optimistic single mother is a journey. I am still a work-in-progress. One-step at a time. While the struggle is real, I am more proud of myself of gaining my independence and standing for what I believe in and rightfully deserve. Lessons learned in 2013:
1) Adjusting Financially Without A Plus-One- Despite how much I re-calculated the figures it would take to support myself and kids, I realized I still need to scale back. Exiting the divorce, I thought I can maintain the exact lifestyle I had as married. But I realize that no matter how much you recalculate expenses, child support and your income….all the extra stuff the kids need and want is on you. Afterall, the smoothed out monthly child support payments is all I receive. I have to budget for those windfall expenses that come up a few times a year. Have to save up for securing your child for school placement, Christmas gifts, entertainment, extracurriculars, vacations and summer camp. Disposable income is not as in abundance prior to divorce when both parents are paying for their own house expenses.
2) Dating..Requires Kissing Many Ugly Frogs– As a married woman I was warned of the snakes out there. In fact, when married I came across a few men that tried to test my marriage union. However, I came out of marriage approaching dating life optimistically. I was and still am open-minded to love. However, I have come across plenty of ugly frogs this year. Maybe initially masked as Prince Charmings….but with surprise antics of an ugly frog. My encounters include men who are not really ready to be in a relationship…but talk and act as if they are from the initial meeting then do a switch up; gents who are heavy in their pursuit of my heart and once I give an opening, they get back with their ex-girlfriend or there was a secret girlfriend all along or they are just players at heart and then there are the guys who care but just are emotionally unavailable. Meeting these ugly frogs tugs at your self-esteem, you wonder is there a Prince Charming there for you. You reminisce on some of the great qualities your ex-husband possessed and the benefits of marriage…such as exclusivity, always a plus one at social events, a date to an anticipated movie release, a claim that you are his woman. You realize the single life, while exciting at first… date night becomes tiring and routine. Dates do not thrive to the next level, the most memorable moments of the year are still shared alone. You realize the grass isn’t greener. You start to doubt your original judgment leading to your divorce…Should I just forgave my ex and settle for mediocrity and compromise my values and wants in life? But I shake my head no. I knew dating as a single-mom would not be easy….everything worthy in value takes time. So I remain patient and am optimistic for the new year. Round 2 for new dating prospects.
3) Love yourself first and don’t wait on anyone to do what your heart desires– Now I see myself as a pretty confident, self-sufficient and happy woman. However, I realize that before pursuing a relationship, I have to make sure I am loving myself first. At times I take care of everyone else before tending to myself, the “mommy instinct”. I really don’t expect anything in return but someone’s appreciation. I have progressed in this area through my adulthood. However, I adjust my schedule when maybe I shouldn’t be so accommodating, as it is not reciprocated. So in 2014 I plan to make loving myself and pursuing my interests my number one priority…well second only to my care for my children.
4) A Perfect Man Does Not Exist– Well I knew this, maybe it was just reinforced a bit in 2013. I have been married for over seven years after all so I should know. As I begin dating and despite some larger issues regarding timing of when someone is ready to pursue a relationship; there are certain common quirks that most men have. I reflect on some of the arguments my ex-husband and I would have deriving from our pet peeves with each other. Such common themes in men that I have encountered include: forgetfulness, workaholic ethic that at times supersedes “boo” time, unkempt or overly casual dress at times when you aim to look a winner for a date (albeit a casual date), a bit overindulged with their boys time (not an issue if I felt us women were more like this too), and/or not always great in keeping the phone charged and just-in-time responsive to my calls and texts especially after a long night of bonding with the boys. That is just mannish stuff that men do. I don’t even sweat the small stuff unless there is a underlying reason beyond being a man who is resulting in these common missteps. However, I also came across a few surprises. For instance more of these older single men, living independently for so long are often times a better chef than me…or maybe just better meat cookers. So in 2014 I plan to be less picky on small matters and focus on the larger issues.
Despite the few blows to the ego, adjustments to finances and jabs at my heart, I remain optimistic for the new year. While it may start a bit rough as 2013 events spill into 2014….I look forward to the path becoming smoother soon. All I hope for in the near future is continued blessings for my children, good health and strength to pursue my aspirations in life and remain open to love. I am proud that I have persevered and overcame 2013 challenges. I press on and continue my pursuit in becoming a happily divorcee. The grass isn’t always greener…..but sometimes, when you wait and seek what you rightfully deserve a beautiful garden awaits.
As 2013 approaches to a close, I want to thank all of those who have read and supported my blog. My gratitude is extended to all those who follow. Without you all, I would have a silent ear to share my insights and thoughts in dealing with relationships, parenthood and living as a happily divorcee.
I have enjoyed this season thus far with my sprouts as we cheer on the holidays. I expect there will be many more fun-fulfilled moments as I see the excitement in my children’s eyes as they open their presents from Santa. While status is still single, my heart is warmed by their love. Together, their father and I come together to ensure there is nothing missed this Christmas season.
I hope everyone cherishes their time with their loved ones. Maximize the now and indulge in the present. I hope to continue to provide many interesting and thought-provoking posts in the new year. Until then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well.
Holiday Party Mingling Etiquette 101
Photo source: www.npr.org
Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Years are approaching. December is a busy month. There is so much on your plate. Holiday trimming, gift shopping, gifts wrapping, preparing your favorite seasonal meals and let’s not forget the numerous holiday parties that fill your calendar. This is the time to shine as a social-lite and take advantage of the opportunities to meet new acquaintances. To maximize your exposure and effect, I thought I would provide some tips to enhance your meet and greet game.
Photo Source: blog.birchbox.com
1) Find that perfect festive outfit. Wear holiday colors, shimmers and glitter. That will surely make you stand out in a crowd. Cheerful attire states that you are amicable to others. Make sure the outfit you choose is appropriate for the event you are attending and is flattering to your shape and build.
2) Have a positive attitude and an open-mind. Put your stresses behind and prepare to have good fun. Leave the attitudes and drama at home. Thoughts of work deadlines, bills, lack of romantic partners to exchange holiday gifts convolute your presence when out and about. You can’t have an open mind when you bring stress to the party.
Photo source: www.jehovahs-witness.net
3) Smile, smile and smile. Be flirty. Keep the curled lips and pouts at home. Show those pearly whites you were blessed with. A smile goes a long way. Make eye contact and smile to any gent or lady you would like to meet. You will be surprised where that smile takes you.
4) Separate yourself from your friends and co-workers. Walk the room. No one likes to approach someone when there is an audience to witness them at their most vulnerable moment. They don’t want anyone to witness a possible awkward moment of rejection, loss of words, or their best Mack daddy/ mamma game out on display. Separating yourself and taking a break from your crew. Taking a lap around the venue eludes that you are confident, independent and possibly single.
5) Don’t wait for someone to make the first move. This is especially for the ladies. Men do not always have to approach you. Sometimes they need to feel comforted that you are open to meeting them. A smile on your face and direct eye contact works most of the time. But sometimes you need to have that ultimate ice-breaker. Bring up the holiday gala or party and how they got the invite, be versed in current events, and talk about the tasty hors de oeuvres’. Let the person know you’re interested in what they are discussing by asking follow-up questions about the current topic. Keep the conversations afloat. Don’t let an opportunity to meet a potential great mate pass because you are too shy to open your mouth or unable to navigate the conversation.
What Is Your Holiday Party Mingling Etiquette?