As the one-year anniversary approaches to the Judge’s final consent to officially end my seven-year plus marriage….I can’t help to reflect on what a whirlwind year it has been. My temperament and experiences varied from exhilarating to at times feeling depressed. Taking a step back and studying my behavior from last summer until now… I can break out this past year in different behavioral patterns. The phase of healing from the love and union of my marriage was predominately experienced from my divorce decision to the end of the filing process. The progression in the past year can be broken into 4 distinct phases- Embracing Independence, Desperation in Not Being a Perpetual Single Divorcee, Lonely and Reclusive Period, and Embracing Reality and Loving Me Phase.
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Summer-time in Brooklyn! Echoes of laughter, flocks of happy-spirited folk, good music blasting from the mega speakers with the DJ Continue reading Spike Lee: Do The Right Thing Block Party!
Are You Dealing with Damaged Goods? Time to Clean Out and Dispose! Let them fix themselves on their own. Until then Let Life Flow! Enjoy new beginnings and know your worth!
Thursdays are my day reserved to mingle. Head out to a Manhattan professional after-work function and meet new people, friends and/or potentials. Normal routine as discussed in “Ready Set Mingle“. Today, surprisngly I have a date. An actual well-thought out, planned a week in advance “date”. Now, as a divorcee on the dating scene, you should think that is normal procedure. But it hasn’t been. In fact, most men I have came across do not like to put forth the effort in organizing really anything. Hanging out for drinks with a couple hours notice, I do not qualify as a “date”. Now don’t get me wrong, a woman does appreciate some spontaneity. So no pun intended to my extemporaneous gents out there. Sometimes schedules free up and ability to adjust on last minute notice is appreciated and acknowledged. But, as an extraordinary woman, I do appreciate a gent taking the initiative and providing me with the well-deserved “wooing” from time to time. Time shared together does not always have to be unplanned. Reservations made, double-booking for dinner and listening to great music…two-thumbs up so far.
So, giddy inside I am…but still a realist. This marks the first “official” date in 2014 for me. My plan in 2014 after thoughtful dating is to deviate from the common situationships many of us woman find ourselves caught up in and gravitate towards a building relationship. Now, my new rule is not to take a gent too seriously until at least we had four dates…and no this is not even a night cap or open my pandora box rule…I don’t believe in those rules per se. This is to be considered a viable dating option that could lead to a potential budding relationship. So tonight, my Thirsty Thursdays will be missed and replace with the true purpose of my weekly recurring open vacancy…an actual “date”.
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The season premiere of “Being Mary Jane” aired on BET January 7th, 2014 Tuesday evening. Mary Jane played by actress Gabrielle Union is a news anchor who is successful, independent and a “single black female” searching for love. From watching the premiere, I am definitely looking forward to the next episode. The episode oozes juicy from beginning to end. Continue reading Takeaways from Season Premiere of “Being Mary Jane” Playa Playa, TMI and Scandal
Today is a time to celebrate. What a rocky year 2013 has been. This year has been full of changes. My status changed from married to divorced and I grasped the horns of becoming a single mother. I look forward to the New Year and plan to celebrate a bittersweet ending to 2013 and hopes and promises that I look forward to in 2014. I plan to take my lessons learned in 2013 and fine-tune my priorities in life. Refer to blog post “Lessons Learned: Grass Isn’t Greener-Onward to 2014.
I will start New Year’s Eve with a healthy protein breakfast and a quick work-out to remind myself that my health and staying fit will be even more significant in the new year. Then off to the Beautician so he can make me fabulous for my evening festivities. As keeping up my appearance as a 30-something youngin’ is also on the top of my priorities in the New Year. My grandmother reminded me of this during my Christmas visit. Her quote, “If everything else is not going right at the moment, just make sure you keep your appearance in tact…everything else will eventually fall into place.” So I will take heed to that advice. I will continue to pamper myself and prepare for the night festivities. My festive Freak-um dress awaits.
I plan to spend the New Year’s Eve with friends at the festive gala. No “Boo” to share in the arrival of 2014 and ending of 2013 with. Any prospects I shared time with in 2013 are more likely planning to share it with another boo or indulging in their own swag. No worries…..New Year’s Eve is a time to cherish with those who are special in your life. There is no other people I would prefer to share this moment with besides my sprouts whom I watched the ball drop with over the past few years, than my friends. Plus, a gala is always great to meet new male friends that could turn into a positive in 2014.
My glass will be filled with spirits and I will laugh and dance the night away. When the ball drops and cheers begin for the new year, I plan to share in a New Year’s kiss with a new friend. It may or may not be innocent, I will just seize the moment. In 2014 a new chapter and fresh page in my book of life begins. So what better way to celebrate the beginning of 2014 than a perfect New Year’s kiss at midnight? No formalities are needed. Just Pucker Up!
Selita Ebanks, actress and ex- Victoria’s Secret Model got up close and personal with Power 105.1‘s The Breakfast Club. The actress/model discussed her past publicized relationships. She commented on her engagement with Nick Cannon and her most Continue reading Should You End A Relationship For A Career Opp? Selita Ebanks Talks to Breakfast Club About Her Split With Terrence Jenkins
I reflect on my Christmas season so far with the sprouts. This is the first season with just us three. We had an awesome time trimming the tree, baking ginger bread cookies, sipping egg nog and watching Continue reading Christmas New Beginnings with the Sprouts!
Can a Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?
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You and your girlfriends are at a club enjoying the DJ beats. You separate yourself from your crew and begin to strut all your goodness to the bar to purchase a cocktail. A gent approaches you and ask your vitals: name, status, and whereabout in New York City Metro area you reside. Both of you are physically attracted to each other. He offers to buy you that Ciroc Amaretto on the rocks you were about to splurge on yourself. You graciously accept. Both of you continue to engage in small talk. The DJ begins to turn up the music. That handsome gent that has his eyes fixated on you takes your hand and walks you away from the bar close to the DJ. Your hips begin to swerve in your tight mini-dress as he checks you out with your hand-held in his. The guy maintains an arm’s-length distance. However, eyes are pierced on your hips and how they move so well to the tunes.
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You become more comfortable, your buttox and hips now begin to caress his paints as they percolate to the beat. Not standing out as other couples are also twerking to the beat. His hands become more comfortable in caressing your silhouette. His strong hands feel soothing to your skin and him palming your rear just nicely in your mini-skirt gives you the chills. You are intertwined in a grind fest on the dance floor.
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The questions begin to divert on the plans to get home. He mentions how he drove to the venue and offers to take you home. You let him know you don’t think so and you both return to the dance floor. The dancing between you two resumes its hot and heavy pace. You are re-thinking that offer, his closeness feels so comfortable. You acknowledge that there is definitely great sexual chemistry between the two of you. You don’t want the moment to cease. You agree to allow him to take you home. In the car, he can’t keep his hands off of you. Kisses are exchanged. You agree to go to his place. Despite his addiction to getting close with you he is a complete gentleman. He assures you that he digs your entire vibe. Your feelings are mutual. Upon arriving at his place, you seal the deal.
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The next morning, both decide to go for Round 2 and share in breakfast before he drops you off at home.
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Prior to leaving, you ask if you both will remain in contact. He comforts you and says Yes. You begin the walk of shame to the car door and he drops you off to your place.
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You really like this guy and now begin to fret and wonder if you blew it because you gave up the goods too quickly. You hope the guy realize that is not how you normally roll and that you were just so into him, you couldn’t resist. Could something meaningful come from this, you ask yourself. You conclude in your mind that it can, you two are both mature adults.
It is all about perception. If the guy is a true gentleman and perceived you as a classy woman when he met you….he probably still does. He does not romp around with anyone himself. He likely felt the same chemistry as you did. Plus if the loving was great, the man will likely return for another round. As a woman, you know your own judgment of character. There was something that made him the exception to the rule. Thus a budding relationship from your one night freak-fest is possible.
Both of you enjoyed each other’s, which will likely prompt seeing each other again. However, what really did you learn of each other beyond sex, that make the two of you compatible as a couple? The next date you will likely enjoy.. But if you are in the market in looking for a husband, you could not possibly know that the man you are romping around possesses all of the qualities that you aspire in your future mate. Likewise for him. So while subsequent dates may happen, it may be short-lived. Exclusivity status may not be achieved. He may be dating two or three other chicks and getting to know them the same way he is with you. Or you may just get caught up in the wonderful sex and realize that this guy is not as great as you thought. Not husband material.
Jury Still Out!
Waiting two or three dates or the “famous” Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule may result in the same outcome. In dating, there is nothing guaranteed. Two people are getting to know each other. Having a one-night stand with an awesome guy that leads to a great dating journey but not a happy ending is okay. We all learn our lessons. There is a risk that a relationship may not thrive from any first encounter with someone. Think of the numbers you exchange when stepping out. How many result in follow-up calls, dates and relationships? While sexual intimacy may definitely get you the follow-up call and subsequent date it may not lead to exclusivity in a relationship. So preserve your goodies until at least you know the guy is looking for something serious and not just out enjoying the dating circuit. On the contrary, there are many lasting relationships and marriages that thrived from the infamous one-night stand. It is all about the person’s state and present focus in life. If you could learn that over a few cocktails and dances, then press on.
What are your thoughts? Have you been able to have a sustainable relationship after a one-night romp?