Tag Archives: nyc

All Or Nothing: I Will Not Be Any Man’s Half-Time, Down-Time, Spare-Time Or Sometimes

Thought I share this article from elitedaily.com. Thought the article conveyed the current state of women’s frustration with dating and was uplifting as a reminder there are plenty of fish at sea. Enjoy!

This is for all the women who’ve ever been second to “GTA,” a pick-up game of basketball, and the strip club on 61st and 10th. It’s for every girl who has ever felt used, cheated or under-appreciated. It’s for every woman who has been put in a slot and taken out only when he was ready to play.

It’s for all the people who have ever felt like they were making a priority out of someone who only saw them as an option.

If he tells you upfront that he can’t commit to you, then it’s on you, right? You shouldn’t have asked for something he couldn’t give. You shouldn’t have assumed that he wanted to give you his full attention. You shouldn’t have been so goddamn needy. Continue reading All Or Nothing: I Will Not Be Any Man’s Half-Time, Down-Time, Spare-Time Or Sometimes

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“Flag On The Play” Book Review and Introduction To The Type Of Mr. Right Nows To Avoid- My Insights!

The other day I read this quick read book titled “Flag On The Play- A Woman’s Guide To Finding Mr. Right In A World Full Of Right Nows” written by Dena Reid Esq. with Mandee Burgess who is also one of the creators of the social website CodeRedFlag.com. I truly thought it was a great quick read, insightful and allowed me to reminiscence on certain signs I have encountered through my dating life that I fell for or my girlfriends  have in the past and present and caution me on certain actions from prospective gents. The book provides thorough analysis of several real-life scenarios where the author and reader point out signs from the gent’s actions that indicate he may not be “Keeper Material”

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The book breaks down 10 characters a woman should avoid:

1) Mr. Hudson River Valley: Separated Means Married– Whoa! I seem to run in these guys everywhere.  I remember meeting a guy who was going through a divorce in my mid-20’s..I didn’t know where Continue reading “Flag On The Play” Book Review and Introduction To The Type Of Mr. Right Nows To Avoid- My Insights!

The Freshly Divorced Phase- My One Year Recap! Independence, Dating, Laughter, Sadness, and Confidence.

As the one-year anniversary approaches to the Judge’s final consent to officially end my seven-year plus marriage….I can’t help to reflect on what a whirlwind year it has been. My temperament and experiences varied from exhilarating to at times feeling depressed. Taking a step back and studying my behavior from last summer until now… I can break out this past year in different behavioral patterns. The  phase of healing from the love and union of my marriage was predominately experienced from my divorce decision to the end of the filing process.  The progression in the past year can be broken into 4 distinct phases- Embracing Independence, Desperation in Not Being a Perpetual Single Divorcee, Lonely and Reclusive Period, and Embracing Reality and Loving Me Phase.

Independent-Woman-Miss-A-Fei Continue reading The Freshly Divorced Phase- My One Year Recap! Independence, Dating, Laughter, Sadness, and Confidence.

Just One Of Those Days- The 4th of July Weekend Child Custody Battle!

Now I advocate fostering a positive co-parenting relationship. For the most part I get it right. But there are times I become completely frustrated. The battle of managing our parenting with our newly “fabulous” single lives. Continue reading Just One Of Those Days- The 4th of July Weekend Child Custody Battle!

OK Cupid! Optimism in Online Dating!

So I have further ventured out in online dating. A few days ago I signed up for OKCupid! a free online dating site. Prior to that I was only using one source for the past couple months eHarmony- a paid online dating site.

A co-worker who was divorced recommended me to try online dating and thought eHarmony would be good. Her stance was that she met her second husband there, and thought the selection of mates were reputable. Basically, men willing to pay for an online service, weeds out the gents that are on there for just games. Continue reading OK Cupid! Optimism in Online Dating!

Easter Fun With The Sprouts!

 

 

 

 

I must say Easter turned out to be a fantastic day. The sprouts and I went to our church, the kiddies starred in the Easter Play. Service followed with an Easter Egg Hunt. My weren’t the kiddies adorable this day. My favorite part is seeing them in their Easter Best! While Continue reading Easter Fun With The Sprouts!

The Dating Funnel: Mingle, Mingle Equals Dates, and More Dates Then Exclusivity!

I have entered the world of online dating and amped up my social gathering appointments recently, following a brief winter break. I will say it is true getting out there in the New York metropolitan social scene results in a higher return of meeting new prospects. Not just Continue reading The Dating Funnel: Mingle, Mingle Equals Dates, and More Dates Then Exclusivity!

Thirsty Thursdays! Wait It Is Date Night!

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Thursdays are my day reserved to mingle. Head out to a Manhattan professional after-work function and meet new people, friends and/or potentials. Normal routine as discussed in “Ready Set Mingle“. Today, surprisngly I have a date. An actual well-thought out, planned a week in advance “date”. Now, as a divorcee on the dating scene, you should think that is normal procedure. But it hasn’t been. In fact, most men I have came across do not like to put forth the effort in organizing really anything. Hanging out for drinks with a couple hours notice, I do not qualify as a “date”. Now don’t get me wrong, a woman does appreciate some spontaneity. So no pun intended to my extemporaneous gents out there. Sometimes schedules free up and ability to adjust on last minute notice is appreciated and acknowledged. But, as an extraordinary woman, I do appreciate a gent taking the initiative and providing me with the well-deserved “wooing”  from time to time. Time shared together does not always have to be unplanned. Reservations made, double-booking for dinner and listening to great music…two-thumbs up so far.

So, giddy inside I am…but still a realist. This marks the first “official” date in 2014 for me.  My plan in 2014 after thoughtful dating is to deviate from the common situationships many of us woman find ourselves caught up in and gravitate towards a building relationship. Now, my new rule is not to take a gent too seriously until at least we had four dates…and no this is not even a night cap or open my pandora box rule…I don’t believe in those rules per se.  This is to be considered a viable dating option that could lead to a potential budding relationship. So tonight, my Thirsty Thursdays will be missed and replace with the true purpose of my weekly recurring open vacancy…an actual “date”.

Can a Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?

Can a Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?

 

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Photo Source: ghanacelebrities.com

Scene:

You and your girlfriends are at a club enjoying the DJ beats. You separate yourself from your crew and begin to strut all your goodness to the bar to purchase a cocktail. A gent approaches you and ask your vitals: name, status, and whereabout in New York City Metro area you reside. Both of you are physically attracted to each other. He offers to buy you that Ciroc Amaretto on the rocks you were about to splurge on yourself.  You graciously accept. Both of you continue to engage in small talk. The DJ begins to turn up the music. That handsome gent that has his eyes fixated on you takes your hand and walks you away from the bar close to the DJ. Your hips begin to swerve in your tight mini-dress as he checks you out with your hand-held in his. The guy maintains an arm’s-length distance. However, eyes are pierced on your hips and how they move so well to the tunes.

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Photo Source: madamenoire.com

You become more comfortable, your buttox and hips now begin to caress his paints as they percolate to the beat. Not standing out as other couples are also twerking to the beat. His hands become more comfortable in caressing your silhouette. His strong hands feel soothing to your skin and him palming your rear just nicely in your mini-skirt gives you the chills. You are intertwined in a grind fest on the dance floor.

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Photo Source: ghanacelebrities.com

The questions begin to divert on the plans to get home. He mentions how he drove to the venue and offers to take you home. You let him know you don’t think so and you both return to the dance floor. The dancing between you two resumes its hot and heavy pace. You are re-thinking that offer, his closeness feels so comfortable. You acknowledge that there is definitely great sexual chemistry between the two of you. You don’t want the moment to cease. You agree to allow him to take you home. In the car, he can’t keep his hands off of you. Kisses are exchanged. You agree to go to his place. Despite his addiction to getting close with you he is a complete gentleman. He assures you that he digs your entire vibe. Your feelings are mutual. Upon arriving at his place, you seal the deal.

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Photo source: madamenoire.com

The next morning, both decide to go for Round 2 and share in breakfast before he drops you off at home.

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Photo Source: theguardian.com

Prior to leaving, you ask if you both will remain in contact. He comforts you and says Yes. You begin the walk of shame to the car door and he drops you off to your place.

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Photo Source: singleblackmale.com

You really like this guy and now begin to fret and wonder if you blew it because you gave up the goods too quickly. You hope the guy realize that is not how you normally roll and that you were just so into him, you couldn’t resist. Could something meaningful come from this, you ask yourself. You conclude in your mind that it can, you two are both mature adults.

My Perspective:

Pros:

It is all about perception. If the guy is a true gentleman and perceived you as a classy woman when he met you….he probably still does. He does not romp around with anyone himself. He likely felt the same chemistry as you did. Plus if the loving was great, the man will likely return for another round. As a woman, you know your own judgment of character. There was something that made him the exception to the rule. Thus a budding relationship from your one night freak-fest is possible.

Cons:

Both of you enjoyed each other’s, which will likely prompt seeing each other again. However, what really did you learn of each other beyond sex, that make the two of you compatible as a couple? The next date you will likely enjoy.. But if you are in the market in looking for a husband, you could not possibly know that the man you are romping around possesses all of the qualities that you aspire in your future mate. Likewise for him. So while subsequent dates may happen, it may be short-lived. Exclusivity status may not be achieved. He may be dating two or three other chicks and getting to know them the same way he is with you. Or you may just get caught up in the wonderful sex and realize that this guy is not as great as you thought. Not husband material.

Jury Still Out!

Waiting two or three dates or the “famous” Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule may result in the same outcome. In dating, there is nothing guaranteed. Two people are getting to know each other. Having a one-night stand with an awesome guy that leads to a great dating journey but not a happy ending is okay. We all learn our lessons. There is a risk that a relationship may not thrive from any first encounter with someone. Think of the numbers you exchange when stepping out. How many result in follow-up calls, dates and relationships? While sexual intimacy may definitely get you the follow-up call and subsequent date it may not lead to exclusivity in a relationship. So preserve your goodies until at least you know the guy is looking for something serious and not just out enjoying the dating circuit. On the contrary, there are many lasting relationships and marriages that thrived from the infamous one-night stand. It is all about the person’s state and present focus in life. If you could learn that over a few cocktails and dances, then press on.

What are your thoughts? Have you been able to have a sustainable relationship after a one-night romp?

 

Holiday Party Mingle Etiquette 101- My Insights!

 

Holiday mingling

Photo source: rollingout.com

Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Years are approaching. December is a busy month. There is so much on your plate. Holiday trimming, gift shopping, gifts wrapping, preparing your favorite seasonal meals and let’s not forget the numerous holiday parties that fill your calendar. This is the time to shine as a social-lite and take advantage of the opportunities to meet new acquaintances. To maximize your exposure and effect, I thought I would provide some tips to enhance your meet and greet game.

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Photo Source: thegrio.com

1) Find that perfect festive outfit. Wear holiday colors, shimmers and glitter. That will surely make you stand out in a crowd. Cheerful attire states that you are amicable to others. Make sure the outfit you choose is appropriate for the event you are attending and is flattering to your shape and build.

2) Have a positive attitude and an open-mind. Put your stresses behind and prepare to have good fun. Leave the attitudes and drama at home. Thoughts of work deadlines, bills, lack of romantic partners to exchange holiday gifts convolute your presence when out and about. You can’t have an open mind when you bring stress to the party.

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Photo source: essence.com

3) Smile, smile and smile. Be flirty. Keep the curled lips and pouts at home. Show those pearly whites you were blessed with. A smile goes a long way. Make eye contact and smile to any gent or lady you would like to meet. You will be surprised where that smile takes you.

4) Separate yourself from your friends and co-workers. Walk the room. No one likes to approach someone when there is an audience to witness them at their most vulnerable moment. They don’t want anyone to witness a possible awkward moment of rejection, loss of words, or their best Mack daddy/ mamma game out on display. Separating yourself and taking a break from your crew. Taking a lap around the venue eludes that you are confident, independent and possibly single.

5) Don’t wait for someone to make the first move. This is especially for the ladies. Men do not always have to approach you. Sometimes they need to feel comforted that you are open to meeting them. A smile on your face and direct eye contact works most of the time. But sometimes you need to have that ultimate ice-breaker. Bring up the holiday gala or party and how they got the invite, be versed in current events, and talk about the tasty hors de oeuvres’.  Let the person know you’re interested in what they are discussing by asking follow-up questions about the current topic. Keep the conversations afloat. Don’t let an opportunity to meet a potential great mate pass because you are too shy to open your mouth or unable to navigate the conversation.