Tag Archives: perserverance

The Love of Family- My Admiration and Aspiration To Be The Woman Who Is The Glue To Our Family!

 

This weekend I had an awesome time at my Grandmother’s 90th Surprise Birthday Celebration. It was wonderful to be rejoined with family and share the love of my Grandmom. Family from Connecticut, Continue reading The Love of Family- My Admiration and Aspiration To Be The Woman Who Is The Glue To Our Family!

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Kevin Hart’s Ex Speaks On Current State with Kevin and His Relationship With Eniko: “It Is Easy To Be Someone’s Rib When You’re A Millionaire”-My Insights!

 

Torrei Hart, comedienne, upcoming “Atlanta Exes star and ex-wife to Kevin Hart held an exclusive interview with Sister 2 Sister‘s Magazine Jamie Foster Brown, about life post her relationship with Kevin Hart. She discusses the challenges she faced emotionally, her healing time and her thoughts on Kevin Hart’s approach in dealing with the post-split : Continue reading Kevin Hart’s Ex Speaks On Current State with Kevin and His Relationship With Eniko: “It Is Easy To Be Someone’s Rib When You’re A Millionaire”-My Insights!

What Is A Soul Mate?

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“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so out of control, that you have to transform your life…”

Elizabeth Gilbert

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Photo Source: marriedblackme.dicami.com

My Insights!

All I seek in a mate is someone that brings out my best, shows me my wrongs and builds me into being a better me. This quote sums it all. No addendum needed.

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You Make Time For What You Want!

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When you are important to another person that person will always find a way to make time for you, no excuses, no lies, no broken promises.

I have a hectic schedule. I balance my career, motherly duties, kids schedules, gym, my blog and social time with friends….but I make time for those that I consider important to me. Family and friends. The same goes in the dating world, if there is an interest, I make time for that person. I allow time to get to know that person. I don’t expect much, but the same consideration in return. I accommodate, you accommodate. That is all I ask. Nothing more, nothing less. I admit, I am pretty tasked at time management…but also know that I do not manage my time well if I am apprehensive in performing a task or meeting someone.

I make time for what I want to do. If I know someone may have a regularly restrictive schedule, but I would like to see or get to know that person, I amend. I have a similar schedule and I expect the same in return. I believe everyone does what they want to do. Despite how chaotic your schedule is, if you really want to spend time or do something with someone, you will do it. If you care, it will show. If you love, it cannot be contained. Know your worth! And know that whomever you date that has a genuine interest will make time for you. Everyone makes time for what they want to do.

Since dating as a divorcee, I have met those that do show interest and make getting to know me a priority and I have also met those whom made a lackluster effort in spending quality time with me. The men that have not made a considerable effort, I beckon to their excuses, unpredictable work schedules..due to overtime, last-minute client meetings, emergencies and etc. Stuff happens, right? I have to give the gent the benefit of the doubt? As a reasonable person, I do, I always do! But eventually I feel played and hurt. Because this same gent whom just did not have time to get to know me, Kapow!  I am hit blind-sided because he is off the next day en route to Buenes Aires, Costa Rica or Cartagena with who knows, partying in Las Vegas or Philly with another chick by his side, or at a Kanye concert with a few friends that includes another woman, or spending his birthday with a group of friends at the same venue where I was hanging with a girlfriend…and the only reason he shared because I text the guy my whereabouts and he has to apologize because he was at the same venue but had a date with him and was being “considerate” and not disrespectful to me by having another woman in my face. Now mind you that was just a couple of weeks following his bike run for MS which I was a generous donor.  Whatever! In the end they always state that the “other woman” is never  someone serious. Just a close friend and yadayadayada. However, I deduce it as that gent choosing to spend those special moments with that person and not me. So I say screw the dudes that do not put forth the effort. Salute to the lovely gents that do. I now choose to spend time with men that are equally accomodating to me. Only those that make time and make me their number one option. In the end everyone makes time for what they want… including me!

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The Gym: My Constant Friend

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The gym has and continues to be my constant as I go through the ebbs and flows of my new life path.  Now I have always been sporadically physically active  throughout my adulthood but of course there are life obstacles that stray you away. Childbirth, work deadlines, kids activities, social commitments and the emotions of dealing with marriage, family and friends. But I will say the summer of 2012 was when I decided to make exercise a constant influence in my life. Last summer was a very emotional period….as I was contemplating my decision regarding my marriage. I needed an escape and outlet to channel my depression, grief, anxiety, confusion and lets just say control the inner “crazy chick” that started to amuse the visuals in my head of my children’s father becoming a full-size punching bag. So I needed to run from reality and clear my head. It began by taking AM three-mile runs along the Jersey City waterfront. Then I incorporated bootcamp, kickboxing, sculpting, dancing and spinning classes. The gym provided me with a sense of community.  When you see others dedicated to attending class you aim to follow suit.  I found a great instructor that was tough-spirited and played all of my favorite beats. A gym class that simulates a club experience? What??? This is a hidden secret. These classes aided me in channeling my negative energy into building my self esteem. I started to notice the change in my physical appearance, others began to take notice. And let me tell you a woman on the brinks of divorce….compliments on how together you look is the best positive reinforcement a woman could want. However, don’t get too caught up in the hype….you have to maintain your effort and also decipher between the compliments and just the dating “game”.

When I start my work day in downtown Manhattan and am bogged down with the occasional blues….maybe because I am frustrated on how tough it is to be a single mom and how their father could be of better help, bothered that my son went to school angry because I made him tardy again, or my post-divorce dating life sucks…and it looks like my new founded single-hood will be a constant state in my life, or forgot that I had a 9am meeting at work and was completely unprepared to provide a de-brief on my existing projects….My lunch date with New York Health and Raquet Club helps me clear out all of those frustrations. Regardless if I am prepared or not for my gym date….by the end…. I feel refreshed and positive-spirited that I conquered the task at hand. The perspiration from my gym class sheds the toxins of my blues away.

When I reflect on how I was able to manage through my decision in getting a divorce, going through the paperwork and court, the back and forth of negotiating and my current journey as a single mom and divorcee….the gym has been my relentless friend. The gym has been there to pull me up and build my confidence to where it is at present. The gym is my constant. The gym is my unconditional friend.

“The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”

― Elizabeth GilbertEat, Pray, Love

Origins

Welcome to my blog. I am recently divorced and am often asked how I was able to transition so quickly in an appearingly drama-free divorcee. By this I mean a woman/ single mother of two that has a solid co-parenting relationship with my ex-husband, stable family household, successful career, active social life and confidence to begin dating. While I will not say it was not drama-free, and missteps were not taken, I do agree that I succeeded in completing the divorce process without some of the financial headaches, emotional burdens that many married couples fear of or divorcees continue to agonize about. My journey is not complete and I hope to share some of the methods I took to avoid a overbearing divorce process and my journey to becoming a happily divorcee. I will post different topics that will include the decision in getting a divorce, deciding whether you need a lawyer, custody matters, working on a manageable relationship with your husband/ father of your children, forgiving, keeping the drama at home and not letting it impact your professional life, facing your children, maintaining balance with a social life and getting back out there without the appearance you are “baggage ridden”. Please follow my blog and hope my personal experiences will be helpful to you in making the decision of getting a divorce. Divorce is a difficult decision and an emotional draining experience. I hope that I can help in alleviating some of the unnecessary missteps that prolong the process or creates unnecessary stress. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog.