Tag Archives: Personals

“Divorce Court” Judge Lynn Toler states: “Marriage is not a state of being, it’s a process”

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The one and only “Divorce Court” Judge Lynn Toler stopped by the “Bethenny” show on Monday and offered some words of wisdom on the secret in staying married. From her experience with arbitration between bitter couples and lasting marriage of 25 years and counting to her husband Eric Mumford; she has definitely learned a thing or two.

Judge Toler cites:

“Marriage is not a state of being, it’s a process. I think as you age, as your priorities change, as peoples’ interests change, you have to actively engage in re-learning how to love each other all the time.” 

The famous Judge also shared tips on having fair arguments with your significant other:

“The first thing is timing. You never have an argument when you’re mad about it. Let that go. Wait until there’s a time where everyone’s not angry,” she said. “If you argue with an angry person all they hear is static and they defend and nothing gets resolved.”

The Divorce Court Judge also blogged back in Sept. 2012 how she listened to the complaints of one couple bound for divorce and it was the aid she needed to fix the problems in her marriage when her and Eric hit a snag in their marriage union.

“By year 19, my husband, Big E, and I were off the road and deep in the weeds. Barely speaking, when one of us walked in a room the other would walk out. “He was angry and unhappy and he saw me as the source of both. I, on the other hand, saw him as a jerk, a man who cared nothing for my needs. Of course, as I eventually learned at work, we were both wrong. It was, instead, those unexamined needs that had taken us off the road.”

The daily “Bethenny” show is  hosted by former reality star Bethenny Frankel. I am always impressed with the guests and topics she has on the show. Bethenny, a recent divorcee tends to model her show viewpoint from an independent, strong woman who also has needs for companionship.

My Insights!

While my marriage may not have last, I can definitely concur that Marriage is a process. Anyone can get married, staying married is the difficult part. There is way much more effort in tuning into each other needs, being considerate, compromising, and continuing to love one another through life’s cycles and obstacles. It takes the effort of both people, one person in the union cannot do everything. Well said Judge Lynn Toler!

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Kevin Hart’s Post-Divorce Life to Pilot as Comedy on ABC

Kevin Hart is in the works of creating a half hour semi-autobiographical comedy based around Hart’s life post-divorce. Continue reading Kevin Hart’s Post-Divorce Life to Pilot as Comedy on ABC

Thirsty Thursdays! Wait It Is Date Night!

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Thursdays are my day reserved to mingle. Head out to a Manhattan professional after-work function and meet new people, friends and/or potentials. Normal routine as discussed in “Ready Set Mingle“. Today, surprisngly I have a date. An actual well-thought out, planned a week in advance “date”. Now, as a divorcee on the dating scene, you should think that is normal procedure. But it hasn’t been. In fact, most men I have came across do not like to put forth the effort in organizing really anything. Hanging out for drinks with a couple hours notice, I do not qualify as a “date”. Now don’t get me wrong, a woman does appreciate some spontaneity. So no pun intended to my extemporaneous gents out there. Sometimes schedules free up and ability to adjust on last minute notice is appreciated and acknowledged. But, as an extraordinary woman, I do appreciate a gent taking the initiative and providing me with the well-deserved “wooing”  from time to time. Time shared together does not always have to be unplanned. Reservations made, double-booking for dinner and listening to great music…two-thumbs up so far.

So, giddy inside I am…but still a realist. This marks the first “official” date in 2014 for me.  My plan in 2014 after thoughtful dating is to deviate from the common situationships many of us woman find ourselves caught up in and gravitate towards a building relationship. Now, my new rule is not to take a gent too seriously until at least we had four dates…and no this is not even a night cap or open my pandora box rule…I don’t believe in those rules per se.  This is to be considered a viable dating option that could lead to a potential budding relationship. So tonight, my Thirsty Thursdays will be missed and replace with the true purpose of my weekly recurring open vacancy…an actual “date”.

Father Sentenced to Jail for Exceeding Child Support and Visitation? My Insights!

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Photo Source: Fox 26 Houston

According to Fox News in Houston, a father was charged in contempt of court for over-paying child support and exceeding visits to his son. Apparently, terms were modified in the child support agreement without his knowledge. The judge sentenced him to six months in jail and required to pay his ex-wife’s attorney fees. The father Clifford Hall, over paid child support by $3,000 which the judge found contemptible. Hall expressed:

“I can’t be there for my son in jail,” Hall said. “I can’t pay child support in jail. This is not in the best interest of the child.” 

My Insights!

One parent attacking the other where the child suffers is unacceptable. But what makes this more ludicrous is that the court system went against the primary purpose of establishing child support agreements–to protect the child. The judge is supposed to consider the best interest of the child. When I was going through my divorce proceedings, New Jersey requires you to attend a mandatory counseling course if there are children involved.The course re-iterated that the judge’s number one priority is the child’s welfare. This judge did not consider this when sentencing the father to six months in jail.

There are many child custody issues out there where the non-custodial parent is not meeting their mandatory visitation schedule and/or coming short on their financial obligation. Because a father is going above and beyond, jail time is justified? This is despite whether the child support agreement was amended or not. Is the judge going to credit his prior year child support over payments to the time he was not able to work while incarcerated? Will the father get to double-up his visitation once his sentence ends to replace the time missed while locked up? I think not. What mother would take their child’s father’s to court because of his efforts in being a good father to his son? Why would a woman be so bitter over an ex-husband to make his life miserable at the expense of the child?

When talking with many fathers where the relationship with the mother did not end on a positive note, they complain how many women have used their children to get back at whatever wrong was done in the relationship. They cite women withholding the opportunity of them spending quality time with their child. Seeking monetary gains in lieu of nourishing the child with fatherly love.

This is unacceptable in my opinion. Whatever the reason the mother thought it was necessary to  take the father for court by being the “model” dad, is not justifiable. Squash your differences for the sake of your children. If there are two willing participating parents in your child’s life, let him thrive from both parents love. Do not deprive the child because of your differences.

The judicial system is flawed. The judge should be revoked from her duties. The outcome of this case should be reconsidered.

What Are Your Thoughts? Should a Man Do Time For Over-Extending His Parenting Duties?

For complete article, click on the following link.

http://www.sott.net/article/271748-Father-sentenced-to-6-months-in-jail-for-paying-too-much-child-support

New Year! New Start! My Resolutions In Becoming A More Happily Divorcee!

I came across a  recent Huffington Post article discussing common post-split New Year’s resolutions that readers’ shared. While reading the listed 18 resolution goals, I could not help but to nod in agreement with many of these aspiring objectives. Many of the Continue reading New Year! New Start! My Resolutions In Becoming A More Happily Divorcee!

My New Year’s Eve Kiss

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Today is a time to celebrate. What a rocky year 2013 has been. This year has been full of changes. My status changed from married to divorced and I grasped the horns of becoming a single mother. I look forward to the New Year and plan to celebrate a bittersweet ending to 2013 and hopes and promises that I look forward to in 2014. I plan to take my lessons learned in 2013 and fine-tune my priorities in life.  Refer to blog post “Lessons Learned: Grass Isn’t Greener-Onward to 2014.

I will start New Year’s Eve with a healthy protein breakfast and a quick work-out to remind myself that my health and staying fit will be even more significant in the new year. Then off to the Beautician so he can make me fabulous for my evening festivities. As keeping up my appearance as a 30-something youngin’ is also on the top of my priorities in the New Year. My grandmother reminded me of this during my Christmas visit. Her quote, “If everything else is not going right at the moment, just make sure you keep your appearance in tact…everything else will eventually fall into place.” So I will take heed to that advice.  I will continue to pamper myself and prepare for the night festivities. My festive Freak-um dress awaits.

I plan to spend the New Year’s  Eve with friends at the festive gala. No “Boo” to share in the arrival of 2014 and ending of 2013 with. Any prospects I shared time with in 2013 are more likely planning to share it with another boo or indulging in their own swag. No worries…..New Year’s Eve is a time to cherish with those who are special in your life. There is no other people  I would prefer to share this moment with besides my sprouts whom I watched the ball drop with over the past few years, than my friends. Plus, a gala is always great to meet new male friends that could turn into a positive in 2014.

My glass will be filled with spirits and I will laugh and dance the night away. When the ball drops and cheers begin for the new year, I plan to share in a New Year’s kiss with a new friend. It may or may not be innocent, I will just seize the moment. In 2014 a new chapter and fresh page in my book of life begins. So what better way to celebrate the beginning of 2014 than a perfect New Year’s kiss at midnight? No formalities are needed. Just Pucker Up!

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We’re Better Friends: Kris Jenner Talks Relationship With Bruce Post-Separation

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Photo Source: people.com

According to People.com, Kris Jenner said that since the separation from estranged husband Bruce Jenner  hew relationship with him has improved. This was discussed during an interview at the #cirocthenewyear anti-drinking and driving pledge party. She cited about her separation:  “We’re Great. He’s great and I’m great. We are such good friends. Sometimes people are just better apart and have better energy.” She also mentions that there is no talk of divorce, but the two of them are getting along better since separation. She also states “We don’t bicker as much. We were starting to sound like some old sitcom from the 50’s. I listened to myself and didn’t like me. Everyone is happier.”

My Insights on My Relationship With Ex-Husband

I can absolutely relate to Kris’s comments. When reflecting on my current relationship with my ex-husband, I can say we get along better now our marriage is over. We have established a great co-parenting relationship and friendship. We accepted each other’s quirks and differences. We agreed to disagree and do not have to deal with each other different points of views anymore. There is nothing driving each other crazy. The arguments and debates are minimal.

While married, I did not like who I was becoming. I would become frustrated easily over every small matter, masking over the bigger issues in our marriage. The whole household would feel the effects of my mood swings. The cool down-to-earth chick that I was known for was evolving into a spiteful shrew. When a situation is not making you the best person you can be, you have to exit to find your inner-peace. Likewise for my ex-husband. He also transformed to a very different man from the laid-back gent I married seven-years ago. There was so much tension, we had disagreements that blew up to large ominous clouds haunting our marriage.

Now divorced, we can come together for a cocktail  before he relieves the babysitter for his weekend with the kids. We discuss plans for the weekend, joke about dating life as a divorcee, our careers and go our separate ways. He also has read a few articles on my blog and while hesitant, he mutters a few slurs of positive feedback. We both are encountering this divorcee journey, while separately we can both identify with the benefits and obstacles of the single life with children. Many of the key differences that were factors of ending our marriage still exists….but they are our problems we need to figure out together anymore. For that, we are able to come as friends and more importantly establish a great co-parenting relationship for the sake of our sprouts.

I Got Tha Kryptonite!! Really???

In a sex-craze society, woman and men equate their power over the opposite sex by the delivery and presentation of  their powerful goodies. They love to mention how their mate is sprung, whipped,  orenchanted by their love-making and God’s given assets.

images (46) Continue reading I Got Tha Kryptonite!! Really???

I Am Jealous! I Am Human! Love Brings It When You Ain’t Acting Right!

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Over the weekend I had the opportunity to listen to Beyonce’s new fifth album. The entire music and video compilation is excellent. As a grown woman, I am able to identify with all of her songs. When listening and watching the video  “Jealous”….I could not help to recollect on my own experiences with men and the raw emotion of jealousy. Continue reading I Am Jealous! I Am Human! Love Brings It When You Ain’t Acting Right!