Regina Hall | Happily Divorced and After

Valentine’s Day weekend was the opening of the movie “About Last Night” starring Kevin Hart, Regina Hall, Michael Ealy, and Joy Bryant. The romantic comedy is a remake of the 1986 classic starring Demi Moore, Rob Lowe, James Belushi and Elizabeth Perkins. The movie follows two couples and the evolution of their dating relationships through life challenges, misconceptions and stereotypes. Beginning from an initial meeting randomly through friends and at a local hangout bar “The Broadway” to the bedroom. The movie was hilarious all the way from beginning to end with Joan (Regina Hall) keeping up with the natural comedic antics of Bernie (Kevin Hart).

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Bernie and Joan’s relationship, share a chemistry of dysfunctional and un-traditional characteristics. While initially their relationship is short-lived they are forced into interaction while supporting their best friends (Danny) Michael Ealy and (Debbie) Joy Bryant as they attempt to build an intimate relationship with each other.

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Danny and Debbie’s relationship begins with both of them guarded. Both are scared and reluctant to receive love, due to fear of resurfacing heartache experienced in past relationships. Once both of them decide to commit to each other, they are faced with challenges. Danny is faced with adjusting with sharing an apartment with Debbie, career disappointment and past exes that re-surface and challenge their commitment to one another.

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Michael Ealy speaks to Essence:

Michael Ealy recently spoke with Essence and discusses how he relates to his character “Danny”.

“[Danny’s] 28 in the movie and I was about the same at 28,” he admits at a press roundtable. “I was at the beginning of my career and it required so much focus and dedication that any relationship that I was in at that time was in second position. I, like Danny, took out my frustrations of the industry on whoever I was dating.”

He admits at that time he wasn’t ready for love like many men. He continues and says:

“One of the things that I’ve learned as a man is that men tend to need their sh-t together before they can be valuable contributors to a relationship.”

Ealy admits that it can be frustrating to meet a wonderful guy at the wrong time. However, Ealy also cautions against trying to change a man into being what you want him to be.

My Insights!

In looking back at past relationships I could relate to both couples and Michael Ealy’s words are heartfelt. I have dated wonderful gent where I was ready to build something more however, the guy wasn’t. The gent was either not mentally ready or comfortable in his life to be the man I needed him to be. While younger, I used to be that girl who tried to assist that man in being who he should be, but would get reluctance. This resulted in a drawn-out relationship and two un-happy people. Because while not ready, he didn’t want to let me go yet I wanted and needed more. Through life experiences I learned that a man has to do some things on his own. I also learned from marriage that while initially a man may have their stuff together to pursue sharing a life with someone, there are setbacks…and you have to let your mate breathe and find his way on his own without your help for his own self-esteem as a man. Now divorced, I have met wonderful men a bit older than the 28 age range of the Danny character. There has been frustration on my part as I have met these men at the wrong time in my life. I am now a single mom that has lived through the evolution of a marriage and these awesome gents have had different life experiences. Many of them feel that they don’t have their life together and/or their passions in life are not ready to compete with sharing a life with someone. While disappointing at first, I understand a man’s plight. I do not want to conform someone into a person they are not ready in becoming. You can state your point of view all you want, it will not result in the outcome you want. The man has to be ready on his own. Focus on you! I echo my friends and family, you will eventually meet someone wonderfully for you and the timing will be just right.

On the other hand, I also have had the dysfunctional and crazy relationship that Kevin Hart and Regina Hall’s characters portray. Always arguing and indifferent with each other in public yet our hidden love is always shared behind closed doors. I won’t say I am particularly proud of that situation, butvI have been there too.

For the romantics at heart that enjoy a great laugh, this movie is definitely a must-see.

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well.

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The highly anticipated The Best Man Holiday opened this weekend, and I must say, it is indeed a must-see! I will not give the movie away, for those who have not yet seen it, but I had to reflect on the movie and the The Best Man prequel after this weekend. In the prequel, you recall that Julian (Harold Perrineau), fell in love with Candace or “Candy” (Regina Hall), the exotic dancer at Lance’s (Morris Chestnut) bachelor party. In the sequel, the two are married with children, but an unusual turn of events forces Julian to revisit his wife’s former lifestyle. While watching the movie, I thought to myself, “Are the men that I know — the “Buppie” black urban professional career men — willing to look past a woman’s former lifestyle? Would a man accept me or my girlfriends even if they did not approve of a former occupation, past relationship or action I committed? Could they love me knowing I was a former exotic dancer, an escort, incurred a bad reputation for being involved with the wrong men and/or an explicit sex tape that was accidentally released?

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Many men often cite how they seek to attain a classy woman, a “lady,” someone who is motherly, supportive and caring. They want a woman who represents herself well and is respected by her peers and community — with one caveat: the woman also has to be a “freak” behind closed doors. Men that I know consistently express how they do not want other men knowing his woman’s secrets that are shared intimately between the two of them. They steer away from pursuing marriage with women who have notorious reputations of romping around with other men.

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At present, an inequality in views of past actions by gender among peers, community and the media still exist. Men are placed on a pedestal for sleeping with multiple women and are excused for testing the waters. We give them the benefit of the doubt. We justify their actions because it is learned that men suffer from a high sex drive, are judged by their experience or lack thereof with the opposite sex. In fact, doesn’t history and certain cultures allow men to wed multiple wives? The “Big Love” lifestyle is intriguing.

On the other hand, women who express their sexual curiosities are categorized as whores. Women who have used poor judgement and fell for men who chose to exploit them via sharing their intimate moments to the public are viewed as promiscuous and dense. How many times does the media discuss how Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian attained celebrity status through their notorious “sex tapes” and how society is quick to judge their young adult mistakes?

The “pimp” lifestyle is what many men seek to gain, and a pound to the hand is given by their boys when they share they are casually dating more than one woman. In contrast, women who choose to date more than one man are classified as “fast.” We shun the woman who chose to attain money in a difficult economy to pay for college, feed her children, pay for housing by seeking occupation in one of the most demanding and easily attainable careers for women. The exotic dancer, escort, music video model, or a model for adult men magazines occupations are high in request in the obsessively visual entertainment industry. Shouldn’t these women have a chance to start fresh in a healthy, loving and supportive relationship with a man without being judged?

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My view is that despite your past choices, whether it was a mistake, an act of survival or you were just embracing your sexual freedom, at present you are the wonderful woman that your man or potential mate will meet. Your sexual past is your past – let it stay there. Your lifestyle as a dancer, escort or just a woman who made “bad decisions” does not affect your genuine love and affection for your man. Past experiences provide wisdom and strength but do not represent your character at present. We learn from our actions. Yes, one can argue that women made choices to delve in certain lifestyles, but so do our male counterparts. We let men be themselves and explore, yet we accept them when they are ready to settle and become a caring and considerate man to a woman. Shouldn’t women be given the same opportunity?

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I say be open-minded, love your woman, understand her past and embrace her at present. Usually, there is more to her story than what her past portrays. The Best Man Holiday provides an exemplary example of a professional and confident man who endures challenges in facing his wife’s past. Yet, he chooses to love and accept his wife despite her past indiscretions.

What are your thoughts? Do you think Julian was right for accepting Candace’s past lifestyle? Should our cosmopolitan man be accepting of a woman as what she represents currently or should he consider her past intimate choices in choosing a mate? If considered, does he owe it to himself and the woman to rationalize the basis for her past decisions?

A personal journey and pathway to minimize obstacles living as a divorcee