Tag Archives: relationships

The “Playdate” Date! What to Expect!

As a divorcee with kids, your dating prospects includes those with and without kids.  Your kids are an integral part of your life, so naturally you want to make sure those prospects will be able to connect with your sprouts and you and their offsprings will be able to mesh together. Continue reading The “Playdate” Date! What to Expect!

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10 Harsh Truths Your Husband’s Prostitute Wants You To Know

This was an insightful and thought provoking article that I thought I would share. Originally on YourTango.com. Don’t Attack The Intermediary Messenger!  I welcome all of your comments and thoughts.
beach_body
As written by a prostitute.

I’ve had plenty of experience being the the other woman. As a promiscuous college student, I recall seducing a college baseball player with a long-distance girlfriend. Well, I eventually got sick of “giving it up for free” and figured I may as well get paid to play. After many years as a stripper, a dash of desperation, and gradually becoming more open-minded, I posted my first ad on a website for upscale escorts catering to sugar daddies. That’s right, I prostitute for a living. Here’s what I’ve learned in the process about your husbands:

1. Monogamy is against most men’s biological nature. But nest-building and settling down with one primary woman to raise a family is not. He’s chosen you, not me. He might see me as more fun, vivacious or sexual, but he sees you as the best candidate for wife, mother and life companion. He takes you seriously; not me.

2. Your partnership, in his eyes, has turned into more of an asexual friendship without the “benefits.” He still wants the benefits (as in the sex) but would rather seek out a willing mistress than rock the boat with you by expressing his frustration at your loss of interest in sex—or at least sex like it used to be.

3. He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Social conditioning has enabled his feelings of male “have it all” entitlement. He still loves the hell out of you but male privilege dictates he can play around, get away with it and not be held accountable.

4I require less maintenance both emotionally and financially. I’m not a long-term investment. Whether I’m seeing him for money or seeing him just for fun, I’m his sidechick who is (sometimes painfully) at his beck and call for fantasy fulfillment as well as emotional support. Whereas you’re a full-time career with great benefits and insurance, I’m an hourly temp job.

5. He feels more comfortable telling me things he doesn’t have the confidence to admit to you. I’m basically a young, good-looking version of a therapist but unlike professionally-trained therapists, he gets to f*ck me. (That’s why in the case of escorting, my $500 per hour rate exceeds many of the nation’s best PhD holding psychiatrists and psychologists).

6. He can ask me to perform certain sexual acts that he doesn’t feel comfortable asking you to do. I don’t do anal sex, but I love giving oral, slightly rough sex, threesomes, a little role-play, and light BDSM.

7. He might be indulging an addiction, replacing an addiction or channeling his craving for other vices toward a different form of self-destructive behavior. If he has a history of gambling, alcoholism or drug addiction, it’s common for him to channel this pleasure-seeking energy toward me. He’s listening to his Id, not his super-ego, because he has a history of weakness toward seeking pleasure in excess.

8. He gets off on the risk. He might not even be seeing me for me at all because it’s about indulging in a thrill-seeking risk. Some guys try harder not to get caught but most men I’ve encountered love flirting with disaster a little bit, especially if he’s paying me hush-money. That way, his cocky ass feels extra confident I won’t go Fatal Attraction on him. He knows (and I know) painfully well that if you catch him in our affair, your female instinct will be to blame me for seducing him. But here’s a truthbomb: I’m not standing on a street corner, sipping a martini at the Four Seasons hoping to seduce him; he sought me out. But hey, go ahead and blame me if it helps you sleep at night, dear.

9. He’s got a Madonna-whore complex and puts you in the Madonna category. He doesn’t think of the mother of his kids in the same sexual way he may have during the hot and heavy early days. He’d rather have hot hotel sex with someone who asks little of him than boring, quiet missionary sex that’s subdued and quiet so to not wake up the kid. Also, I’m probably younger and better-rested than you are, with more energy to bring to our sexual encounters than just letting him hurry up and have sex with me until he comes to get it over with.

10. He’s got a savior complex. He feels good supporting me financially—to whatever extent he does—while also enjoying the ‘No Strings Attached’ sex arrangement. It’s mutually beneficial. He knows I’m jealous of the “main bitch” role but willing to settle for his sidechick beacuse I’m used to it. However, he exploits that desire and manipulates me emotionally. This is why so many men make false promises to leave their wives and take their mistresses on extravagant vacations.

At the end of the day, though, if your little boy gets a sniffle, he’ll ditch a romantic weekend getaway with me in a red hot second. And if you call to tell him he has to be home to let the plumber in between 2-5, he’ll cancel our 3 pm, $500/1 hour fling cause he doesn’t give a sh*t about me and he’s scared of your wrath. Basically, you have him whipped and I’m just a fun hobby he’s able to sacrifice when serious stuff comes up. (Yet, he easily forgets that as his mistress/escort, I may be relying on that appointment money to feed MY child as a singlemother or pay my tuition.)

V-Day Bliss for the Attached, Not-Yet-Defined and Single-

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Photo source: http://www.essence.com

Valentine’s Day is either the much-anticipated hot date of the year for the coupled-up or the much loathed and dreaded day by the single-dom. Valentine’s Day is a signal and reminder to the unattached that they are alone and not loved by a special someone. The men who are attached feel the pressure to step up their romance game or expect to hear about their lack of efforts for months on end, so to many it because a requirement rather than a genuine effort. Those that are entrapped in the non-exclusive relationships are filled with anxiety wondering if that new guy or gal or the one who has been around for a while will want to spend the designated day for lovers with them. Not to fret, despite your status there are plenty of ways to make your Valentine’s Day blissful.

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Photo Source: http://www.everythinggirlslove.com

The Happily or Not-So-Happily Singles:

Don’t sit at home watching re-runs of romantic comedies with a tissue box pondering on why you are alone on this date. Get out of the house. Arrange a date with your girlfriends- go out for cocktails and check out that new anticipated movie “Fifty Shades of Grey”. For the gents and ladies attend a Valentine’s Day Party for singles or a concert. There are an abundance of them. Getting out on the scene ramps up the possibility of meeting a potential that you can spend V-Day with next year. It sure beats staying at home.

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Photo Source: http://www.wallpoper.com

The Not-Yet-Defined:

Keep it light. You do not have to reserve a four-course dinner reservation, send flowers and splurge on an expensive gift. If not quite sure your “not-yet-defined” lover or mate is exclusive to only you, then arrange a less formal evening the night before or after V-Day. Enjoy each other’s company over after-work cocktails, watch a movie or have a two to three star restaurant meal. This lets the person know that they are cared for and you are accepting of the no boundaries relationship that currently exists. Let your not-yet-exclusive mate keep their V-Day open. If you are lucky maybe the two of you will get to spend two evenings with each other. If the relationship is still new, how about arranging a group gathering. An eventful evening out dancing with other co-ed friends is sure to be a great time.

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Photo Source: http://www.self.com

The Attached:

Now fellas you have once a year to show your “A” game (okay maybe twice, there is anniversary too). If you are in love with your woman, why not make this day and/or night exceptional. Now I understand everyone has different budgets. But you can have a special evening without breaking your wallet. A home-cooked meal and a bottle of wine is always wonderful. Follow that with a gift-wrapped box of pleasures that are soothing to your eyes and soft on her skin is always a win-win for both parties. Woman love romantic comedies and really appreciate a man who is willing to accommodate and watch a movie with them. A night out dancing, his and her massages are also great idea, followed by a great meal.

images (13)

Photo Source: http://www.allhiphop.com

Don’t Forget The Men:

While Valentine’s Day is known to be geared to the ladies, men need to feel appreciated too. While I feel the guy should be making the dinner reservations, the woman needs to make her man feel special. Make sure you reciprocate the generosity.  Be prepared with a  small gift and card. A bottle of cologne is always great.

Depending on the tenure of your relationship, determines the type of gift. The staple is at least a card. Do not show up empty-handed. A Valentine’s Day card whether humorous, sappy, or in-between is an ultimate requirement. The flowers and gifts are optional, but the card is a must. Now if you have some relationship history, splurge on the roses. She deserves them.

Reflecting on my most memorable V-Day moments, they were always the simple and creative ones. A fancy dinner is wonderful, but a home-cooked dinner or a picnic at a park has always been my favorite.

V-Day Bliss for the Attached, Not-Yet-Defined and Single…Which Are You? How Will You Spend V-Day? 

V-Day Bliss for the Attached, Not-Yet-Defined and Single- As Published on Joint Interest

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributions

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Photo source: http://www.essence.com

Valentine’s Day is either the much-anticipated hot date of the year for the coupled-up or the much loathed and dreaded day by the single-dom. Valentine’s Day is a signal and reminder to the unattached that they are alone and not loved by a special someone. The men who are attached feel the pressure to step up their romance game or expect to hear about their lack of efforts for months on end, so to many it because a requirement rather than a genuine effort. Those that are entrapped in the non-exclusive relationships are filled with anxiety wondering if that new guy or gal or the one who has been around for a while will want to spend the designated day for lovers with them. Not to fret, despite your status there are plenty of ways to make your Valentine’s Day blissful.

download (10)

Photo Source: http://www.everythinggirlslove.com

The Happily or Not-So-Happily Singles:

Don’t sit at home watching re-runs of romantic comedies with a tissue box pondering on why you are alone on this date. Get out of the house. Arrange a date with your girlfriends- go out for cocktails and check out that new anticipated movie “About Last Night”  starring scrumptuous Michael Ealy. For the gents and ladies attend a Valentine’s Day Party for singles or a concert. There are an abundance of them. Getting out on the scene ramps up the possibility of meeting a potential that you can spend V-Day with next year. It sure beats staying at home.

images (12)

Photo Source: http://www.wallpoper.com

The Not-Yet-Defined:

Keep it light. You do not have to reserve a four-course dinner reservation, send flowers and splurge on an expensive gift. If not quite sure your “not-yet-defined” lover or mate is exclusive to only you, then arrange a less formal evening the night before or after V-Day. Enjoy each other’s company over after-work cocktails, watch a movie or have a two to three star restaurant meal. This lets the person know that they are cared for and you are accepting of the no boundaries relationship that currently exists. Let your not-yet-exclusive mate keep their V-Day open. If you are lucky maybe the two of you will get to spend two evenings with each other. If the relationship is still new, how about arranging a group gathering. An eventful evening out dancing with other co-ed friends is sure to be a great time.

download (11)

Photo Source: http://www.self.com

The Attached:

Now fellas you have once a year to show your “A” game (okay maybe twice, there is anniversary too). If you are in love with your woman, why not make this day and/or night exceptional. Now I understand everyone has different budgets. But you can have a special evening without breaking your wallet. A home-cooked meal and a bottle of wine is always wonderful. Follow that with a gift-wrapped box of pleasures that are soothing to your eyes and soft on her skin is always a win-win for both parties. Woman love romantic comedies and really appreciate a man who is willing to accommodate and watch a movie with them. A night out dancing, his and her massages are also great idea, followed by a great meal.

images (13)

Photo Source: http://www.allhiphop.com

Don’t Forget The Men:

While Valentine’s Day is known to be geared to the ladies, men need to feel appreciated too. While I feel the guy should be making the dinner reservations, the woman needs to make her man feel special. Make sure you reciprocate the generosity.  Be prepared with a  small gift and card. A bottle of cologne is always great.

Depending on the tenure of your relationship, determines the type of gift. The staple is at least a card. Do not show up empty-handed. A Valentine’s Day card whether humorous, sappy, or in-between is an ultimate requirement. The flowers and gifts are optional, but the card is a must. Now if you have some relationship history, splurge on the roses. She deserves them.

Reflecting on my most memorable V-Day moments, they were always the simple and creative ones. A fancy dinner is wonderful, but a home-cooked dinner or a picnic at a park has always been my favorite.

V-Day Bliss for the Attached, Not-Yet-Defined and Single…Which Are You? How Will You Spend V-Day? 

10 things I wish I’d known before getting divorced

This morning I read this forthright article posted on NBC Today in the Health section which I found from HuffPostDivorce. A divorce mediator tells of her 10 things she was not prepared for in her own divorce which resonates not only with me but other divorcees. Continue reading 10 things I wish I’d known before getting divorced

5 Can’t-Argue-With Reasons To Date A Single Mom

I thought this article on YourTango.com was absolutely great and to the point. Similar to a few articles already posted here: Perks In Dating A Divorcee, 5 Things You Should Know In Dating a Divorce Woman- A Professional Perspective, My Insights!; Should A Guy Be Accepting of Not Being #1 Priority When Dating A Single Mom. While it re-iterates what the articles I previously posted….It is always great to hear these views from multiple sources. This is definitely for the gents who do not realize the value in dating a Single Mom and/or Divorcee! Enjoy!

Continue reading 5 Can’t-Argue-With Reasons To Date A Single Mom

Jill Scott Discusses Her Six Month Dating Rule! I Concur!

While promoting her Lifetime movie “With This Ring. Jill Scott opens up to ABC News about her dating routine. She says you will not see her in relationships that last longer than six months unless she finds an extremely remarkable guy whom she sees herself having a pretty solid future with. Having experiencing heartbreak as a divorcee, the actress says that she has learned quite a bit—so much so that she has a six-month cut off period for her romantic relationships. Continue reading Jill Scott Discusses Her Six Month Dating Rule! I Concur!

Is This You? 10 Personality Types Who Struggle To Find True Love

Interesting article on YourTango.com! I was able to identify with a few of these personality types. There are a few traits I will admit I aim to still  improve upon while other traits were  short-lived insecurities that followed a not-so-great break-up that I eventually overcame. Enjoy! 

Continue reading Is This You? 10 Personality Types Who Struggle To Find True Love

10 Reasons He Married You When He Wasn’t IN Love With You!

This article is pretty deep, disturbing but very real. Women and Men please read! Marry because you are “In Love” please “Do Not Settle” nor “Try to Force It Upon Your Partner”- maybe your partner’s timing doesn’t match or really does not want to marry you. In the end there is just regret and lost time. Take heed in staying in a relationship because you feel you put in the time and it is familiar but you know you and your partner is not really thrilled.  I truly believe over half of the marriages that exist today is because either the Woman or Man settled and are not with their soul mates. I get it no one wants to be alone in the long run. If you choose to settle for someone that is not your soul mate, for stability and reliability, no judgment from here. However, as a Divorcee and speaking to other Divorcees, the second time around we are looking for true chemistry that is sustainable. We are not settling and making the same mistakes we made the first time around. Enjoy this article from YourTango.com

Continue reading 10 Reasons He Married You When He Wasn’t IN Love With You!

Amazing Sex Is My Blessing and Curse! from HuffPost Women

I thought this was a great article on HuffPost Women. Having passion with a guy does not necessarily make him relationship material. This is where many of us women get it wrong. Enjoy!

couple-in-bed-2

I lived the majority of my life with a “passion trumps all” mentality.

I would pass on any relationship that felt “ordinary” or predictable. If anyone wastotally into me, I had an allergic reaction, immediately running the other way.

I also chose ambiguous relationships where I never had any kind of conversation to figure out where I stood with a guy and, therefore, made lots of assumptions.

Often, when I wanted commitment, he would agree, but his actions never matched his promises.

I never wanted to seem too intense or be that “crazy girl,” so I kept quiet. But on the inside, my stomach was always in knots.

Quick flashback: I had ended a five-year relationship and met a leading matchmaker in New York City, who was looking for single gals. I was a total newbie — fresh on the market from my broken engagement. She sped me through years of therapy in her informative intake and told me she had a great guy for me — a relationship-minded guy which, to me, sounded like code for “boring.” I quickly flashed to a life of predictability and void of excitement.

“But will we have chemistry?” I asked.

She replied, “I know you love passion. It’s clear after knowing you for one hour. I promise that if you keep going for the smooth dude, you will be 40 and single.”

Well, cut to me: 40 and single.

The matchmaker (now my best friend) set me up with many good guys, but I always returned, saying, “I just don’t feel any connection.”

My friends labeled me as “too picky” and I justified it as “not wanting to settle.”

The truth is, no one could convince me. I was on the chemistry road to nowhere. So, how did I finally get off the road?

One day, the matchmaker told me she had found someone, but his relationship readiness was not convincing. Her advice: “You are exactly what he needs, so if he is ready, it will be perfect. If not, don’t stay for the sex.”

Well… I stayed for the sex.

I stayed (two years) thinking that I could love him into commitment. Wrong, so wrong (cue the horrible sound accompanying the wrong answer “X” on Family Feud).

But I had to OD on my pattern. Doesn’t it suck that we often only grow from intense pain and disappointment? But this relationship was a turning point, and for that I am grateful.

I had a come-to-consciousness moment when this guy (who was now about to marry another woman) called and said, “I will never love anyone as much as you. If I could have one wish, it would be to go away with you and snuggle like only we do.”

I was slightly horrified, and, yet, oddly flattered that I rated so high. Not good. (I know this.)

Obviously, I did not plan on “snuggling” with a man days before his nuptials, but I did come from a family where my dad cheated, and my mom took him back many times. You might say my threshold for nonsense is way too high — and you would be correct.

Most women would hear something like that from a man going to his bachelor party, and hang up the phone and never answer his calls again. I never saw “bachelor party” guy again. Instead, I landed on the green couch of my therapist.

Dr. Kim — the oracle (totally a Matrix reference) — leaned forward in her chair (always code for something profound is about to happen) and said, “You know that good sex doesn’t mean a good relationship? You know that, right?”

“What do you mean?”

She repeated, “Good sex doesn’t always equal a good relationship. Good sex equals good sex.”

I asked (in the most childlike way possible), “Am I supposed to live in a loveless, boring relationship where I have no desire to have sex? I’d rather live like a monk.”

“No, that is not what I said, Di Ana, that’s what you heard.” She always gets me when she says my name. She’s good, real good.

I softened, “But he is the most amazing snuggler in the world.”

“Do you want a relationship?”

I nodded.

“Well, all I am saying is you confuse the two.”

“Well, maybe.” I recoiled. Truth is, I do confuse amazing sex for amazing relationships all the time.

A fulfilling sex life is important, but it cannot be the only reason you stay with someone.

I honestly believed that if I loved these men enough and was an incredible partner they would eventually commit. But you have to be able to see what is happening vs. what you wish would happen.

I realized:

  1. When someone doesn’t want to commit: walk away. You can’t love someone into commitment.
  2. Listen to their words, but see what they do. Action matters.
  3. “Relationship-minded” is actually a trait you should look for in a man.

I found a whole new level of passion when I started dating relationship-minded men. Who knew? It is far from boring; the connection that develops from reliability, trust and communication is exciting.

Once I realized this, I found such profound freedom. Now, when I date a man and the chemistry is off the charts, I do not go into fantasy mode.

If we have an effortless connection, I let it be just that — effortless. Instead of analyzing his words and the way he tilts his head while saying them, I wait to see if his words will match his actions.

In short, I look for no rules and no games. I choose to see what is, while enjoying every minute with someone who is committed to taking the ride with me — bumps in the road and all.