Tag Archives: strength

10 Signs You Are MADLY, Crazily Obsessing Over Him (And How To Stop)

Great post on YourTango.com For those fellow lurkers of past love interests:
You probably are, if you clicked this piece.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge,” said Albert Einstein.

But when you’re getting over someone, imagination has a way of becoming knowledge, as in what you imagine is often the entire breadth of what you know about them. It’s hard to say goodbye, especially when you thought you knew someone so well and your relationship seemed to mean so much.  Continue reading 10 Signs You Are MADLY, Crazily Obsessing Over Him (And How To Stop)

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“Player Gets Played” Oxygen New Show! Loyalty to Women or Man!

Oxygen has a new hit reality TV show called “Player Gets Played”. The premise of the show focuses on a new tryst scenario where one guy is involved with at least three other girls in each episode. A girlfriend discovers that she is not the one and only to her love interest usually through clues with the aid of a Private Investigator Continue reading “Player Gets Played” Oxygen New Show! Loyalty to Women or Man!

All Or Nothing: I Will Not Be Any Man’s Half-Time, Down-Time, Spare-Time Or Sometimes

Thought I share this article from elitedaily.com. Thought the article conveyed the current state of women’s frustration with dating and was uplifting as a reminder there are plenty of fish at sea. Enjoy!

This is for all the women who’ve ever been second to “GTA,” a pick-up game of basketball, and the strip club on 61st and 10th. It’s for every girl who has ever felt used, cheated or under-appreciated. It’s for every woman who has been put in a slot and taken out only when he was ready to play.

It’s for all the people who have ever felt like they were making a priority out of someone who only saw them as an option.

If he tells you upfront that he can’t commit to you, then it’s on you, right? You shouldn’t have asked for something he couldn’t give. You shouldn’t have assumed that he wanted to give you his full attention. You shouldn’t have been so goddamn needy. Continue reading All Or Nothing: I Will Not Be Any Man’s Half-Time, Down-Time, Spare-Time Or Sometimes

“Why Wait A Lifetime With One Person You Can Find In A Moment With Another?

“What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else.”
― Stephanie Klein, Straight Up and Dirty: A Memoir

Continue reading “Why Wait A Lifetime With One Person You Can Find In A Moment With Another?

Michael Douglas Speaks On Marriage- Like An Orchid It Must Be Nurtured! I Couldn’t Agree With Him More!

In this week’s issue of People Magazine, Michael Douglas speaks about marriage during his interview promoting his new romantic comedy co-starring Diane Keaton “And So It Goes”. This follows a year of him and his spouse Catherine Zeta-Jones restoring their marriage following a brief break from each other. In his marriage, there are hints of him taking his wife for granted.

“Like a lovely orchid, or anything else that’s nurtured, marriage prospers and grows, but if it’s ignored, it withers.”

“A lot of it has to do with age. When you’ve accomplished a certain amount in your career, you’re not so focused on your ambitions. It makes you appreciate – and hopefully you do that sooner rather than later – the value of your partner.”

Continue reading Michael Douglas Speaks On Marriage- Like An Orchid It Must Be Nurtured! I Couldn’t Agree With Him More!

The Do’s and Don’ts of A Thriving Relationship! A Divorcee Perspective!

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When a relationship is genuine, real and solid, there is a sense of security and ease that your bond with your mate is unbreakable and has the foundation to continue thriving. There are certain do’s and don’ts that foster a solid relationship and a thriving marriage. Starting with the “don’ts”, the absence of behavioral factors then the ‘do’s”  the presence of attributes that sustain a healthy intimate relationship:

YOU DON’T…

1. Fear it.

You are not a commitment-phobe. If you are, gotta work it out before your desires of a promising committed relationship become almost reality.

2. Hide anything too substantial from each other unless it is  a surprise that will eventually come to light.

Yeah…that includes everything but the kitchen sink: exes, cheating, debt, STDs, chronic illness, felonies, your desire for marriage and/or children, fantasies of living in Bora Bora, fears, professional failures and successes,  your inner-freak desires and any questions on your sexual orientation. The truth always surfaces, so if you can’t open up to your mate about all of these things, he or she is not for you.

3. Snoop.

If you share everything and there is nothing hidden from each other, then why are you stalking? I know good question. If you feel the need to go through your significant other’s email, phone, social media accounts and friends accounts means you don’t trust the person you are with. Maybe they haven’t given you a reason to, and it is time to bail. Also snooping is violating his or her trust in you. If you felt there was a valid reason, own up to the person and tell them upfront what you did. Two wrongs don’t make a right.  But if you have to snoop, the relationship has no trust, and is probably doomed.

4. Keep your relationship under wraps.

A serious red flag. If your not willing to  introduce your love interest to your friends and family, that means the person is really not that important to you and you probably don’t have any long-term plans with this person.

If you have a great catch, you  are excited to introduce that person to everyone else that is important in your life, random people, acquaintances, and colleagues.

5. Think you’re better than your mate.

If you think your mate is inferior to you– morally, intellectually, socially, financially or professionally — you’re never going to respect that person as much as you hope to be respected. It is said the best relationships thrive from believing that you actually convinced a person that is more exceptional than you to love you.

6. Be a “Hater” on your mate’s successes.

Jealousy is potent. Not being genuinely supportive and happy of your mate’s success is due to your own insecurities. Healthy competition with your mate, motivating  and building up each other is great. But be-littling, and always trying to be better than your partner instead ofshowering your mate with complements on his achievements, is not healthy for a viable relationship.

7. Substance abuse and behavioral issues trump your union.

No further explanation needed.

8. Challenge each other on personal issues in front of other people.

Keep the dirty laundry at home behind closed doors

9. Expect more than companionship and friendship from your relationship: Looking for an upgrade!

Don’t look for your significant other to make you into a person you desire. This includes supporting you financially, resolving your emotional issues, up-grading your social status, increasing your social network, provide you with a family your missing. If you are looking for someone to validate you or provide you with things that you are not comfortable living without and hope to attain from your mate, question your genuity.

10. Pull them away from friends and become “Ghost” to yours.

While you are an awesome mate, you can’t be everything. Friends also provide fulfillment and an outlet to be yourself. Plus, two people all up under each other all the time, become tired of each other. Plus, in the event your relationship expires, your friends will be there with the Kleenex. Don’t alienate yourself from friends.

11. Lose yourself.

While it is tempting to be totally engulf in your relationship, don’t lose sight on what made you. If you used to volunteer, exercise, socialize and network, still keep doing that. Maybe it has to be modified, but don’t lose sight of your passions, hobbies and goals in life. This is what made you the wonderful person your mate fell in love with. Don’t give up your passions for anyone, they may not be there for the long haul.

12. Have a secret plan B.

If you’re where you need to be, the concern of your mate leaving you behind do not enter your brain.

13. Have much drama.

Your routine has been settled. The pet peeves of each other you learned to accept and live with them.

YOU DO…

14. Put your heart on the line.

If you’re not risking having your heart broken, you’re not doing it right.

15. Respect the people your mate is closest to.

Despite your personal feelings, you respect the connection your mate has with their friends and families.

16. Be their number one cheerleader.

You both should inspire each other to be their best.

17. Humble yourself.

Accept that you are not perfect. You make mistakes, you have annoying ways about you. Maybe you are not the best communicator, lover, or listener. Humble yourself and aim to improve your imperfect ways.

18. Discuss, try and repeat….sex.

Converse on what works and doesn’t in the bedroom. Make sure you know the fundamentals on how to please your mate and likewise. Keep trying til you get it right.

19. Talk about all of your opinions.

Discuss your political, religious and ethical views on life. Should be on the same page or accepting of each other’s differences.

20. Fight.

Arguing provides a better understanding of each other. A healthy argument builds and does not tear your bond.

21. Have silent time

Nothing wrong with sitting next to each other without stimulating conversation.

22. Have confidence when your mate is away.

When your mate is away experiencing the world, trust that he will return and respect your bond with each other while apart. Have trust.

23. Maintain your physique.

Aids your confidence if you are satisfied with your appearance. Your mate will appreciate it too.

24. Divide, conquer and compromise.

Delegate your life’s tasks according to each of your strengths. One of you is better at being organized, outgoing, creative, money manager, listener and etc.   The outcome will be in each other’s favor. Compromise on desires and wants..including hobbies, sexual fantasies and etc.

25. Observe.

Notice your mate’s quirks, what makes them laugh, and what boils their temper. It is all about gaining a better understanding and learning your mate.

26. Make time.

To build and maintain a foundation, taking time to share with each other is key.

27. Do something romantice from time to time

Put a smile on your mate’s face by a romantic gesture. Send flowers or surprise your mate with tickets to his or her favorite team.

28. Just know.

Know your mate is uniquely designed for you. If that person is not already your spouse, “put a ring on it” or make him your “Prince Charming”.

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“Divorce Court” Judge Lynn Toler states: “Marriage is not a state of being, it’s a process”

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The one and only “Divorce Court” Judge Lynn Toler stopped by the “Bethenny” show on Monday and offered some words of wisdom on the secret in staying married. From her experience with arbitration between bitter couples and lasting marriage of 25 years and counting to her husband Eric Mumford; she has definitely learned a thing or two.

Judge Toler cites:

“Marriage is not a state of being, it’s a process. I think as you age, as your priorities change, as peoples’ interests change, you have to actively engage in re-learning how to love each other all the time.” 

The famous Judge also shared tips on having fair arguments with your significant other:

“The first thing is timing. You never have an argument when you’re mad about it. Let that go. Wait until there’s a time where everyone’s not angry,” she said. “If you argue with an angry person all they hear is static and they defend and nothing gets resolved.”

The Divorce Court Judge also blogged back in Sept. 2012 how she listened to the complaints of one couple bound for divorce and it was the aid she needed to fix the problems in her marriage when her and Eric hit a snag in their marriage union.

“By year 19, my husband, Big E, and I were off the road and deep in the weeds. Barely speaking, when one of us walked in a room the other would walk out. “He was angry and unhappy and he saw me as the source of both. I, on the other hand, saw him as a jerk, a man who cared nothing for my needs. Of course, as I eventually learned at work, we were both wrong. It was, instead, those unexamined needs that had taken us off the road.”

The daily “Bethenny” show is  hosted by former reality star Bethenny Frankel. I am always impressed with the guests and topics she has on the show. Bethenny, a recent divorcee tends to model her show viewpoint from an independent, strong woman who also has needs for companionship.

My Insights!

While my marriage may not have last, I can definitely concur that Marriage is a process. Anyone can get married, staying married is the difficult part. There is way much more effort in tuning into each other needs, being considerate, compromising, and continuing to love one another through life’s cycles and obstacles. It takes the effort of both people, one person in the union cannot do everything. Well said Judge Lynn Toler!

Divorce Is Not Only Remedy- January Busy Month for Divorce Filings!

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Divorce is a serious decision. Just because a person is unhappy in their marriage, does not mean the only way to attain happiness is to exit the union.  Seek out other remedies such as marriage counseling before filing the court papers.

January is a busy month, a new year, a new tax season. For many couples, this is an opportune time to file the divorce papers. You cherished the last year to claim “married” on your  1040 tax forms. For others, this is a delay of the inevitable postponed until after the holidays. Not wanting to disrupt the last bit of  family time with your children. It also could be  the downtime during the holiday season refreshed old wounds that were tucked away while being emotionally unavailable to each other as both spouses were engrossed in the daily work and family routine. Or the financial burden following the holidays that ramps up the underlying stresses already drowning your marriage. As a result, one or both partners has caved in. Whatever it is, the thoughts that have been pondering in your head are materializing to a final decision with an end resolution-DIVORCE!

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It has been exactly a year since I filed for divorce. Admittedly, I was part of the January statistic. After months of pondering over my indecision, I took the leap and marched to the court with my papers in hand and submitted them to the court clerk. Now for those that are wondering, we did not go through marriage counseling. Nope, not at all. I think both spouses have to be willing to work on their marriage. Compromise is needed. I personally do not think a mediator would have done us any good..possibly earlier on in our marriage. Well you learn your lessons, and if opportunity happens again you approach the situation differently. In fact, we both had our strong opinions in a matter, neither of us were willing to budge. The only way our marriage would have been salvaged if I would have compromised, like I always do. Well actually I did, however this time I was not happy with that compromising decision and chose to exit.

However, for others this may not be the case and a remedy could exist. Marriage is not a rosy parade all of the time. Times become hard, I mean really difficult. Despite what you have planned in life prior to marriage to secure the necessary assets, career and healthy lifestyle to promote a happy union and family, life is unpredictable. Ask that to the many of families that faced the economic turmoil in 2008 through 2010. The nest egg that was established taking from them in a second,  depreciated assets, dwindling of retirement funds they have to rebuild from scratch. The lifestyle once had now has to be modified and sacrifices made.  The mother who had difficulty becoming impregnated and has to cope with raising a special needs child that requires her to be a full-time mother. However, the family’s financial plan did not incorporate one working spouse. The consultant husband who’s family’s livelihood is partly supported by him jet setting across 9 countries in a two to three-month span with a two-week break before the next travel assignment. This resulting in him leaving the raising of his children to the equally financially contributor working wife.

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There isn’t an exact algorithm that derives a blissful marriage. I am amused when discussing this with my single co-ed friends as they proceed on a cautious trek to attain the ideal mate and secure the desired lifestyle before committing to a union. While there is nothing wrong with planning, just expect the impossible. Been there done that. But I also urge those that are married and are frustrated with their partner, to look within themselves. Ask yourself, how have you contributed to the strife in your marriage? Have you been the best wife or husband that you can be? Have you expressed empathy, consideration, love, compromised your selfish desires, assistance in required household tasks and family responsibilities, have you continued to promote passion, shower complements and continue to date your spouse? If you cannot say yes to all of these questions, how about taking a different approach and asking your partner to commit as well. Re-evaluate your decision to end your marriage after a few months of changing your approach to your union. Now, if your partner is too stubborn and not willing to do the work, I understand. Life is too short. Proceed to fill out the divorce papers and march to the court. Oh well, another statistic submitting the papers to the court in January. At least you can say you put your best effort into your union.

Anderson Cooper Reports About Recent Toxic Love Triangle Sent To Supreme Court on AC360! Your Thoughts! My Insights!

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Anderson recently reported on AC360 the story of a case that is now with the Supreme Court where a woman named Carol Bond was convicted in poisoning a friend over an affair with her husband in 2005. The case is now headed to the Supreme Court, questioning whether Carol broke international laws that ban chemical weapons.

The Situation:

In 2005, she found out her girlfriend was pregnant. Her initial excitement turned sour when she found out the baby her girlfriend was carrying was fathered by her husband. Her girlfriend admitted this to her. Of course her reaction was hurt, jealousy and anger (understandable). Eventually, though her husband’s cheating ways, resulted in her becoming severely depressed and having panic attacks so she decided to strike back and aim her anger at her girlfriend over a period of months.

Carol was employed as a microbiologist. She was accused of stealing a toxic dangerous arsonist base chemical from her job and combining it with another lethal substance she bought from Amazon.com. She was convicted of poisoning her friend approx. two dozen times by sprinkling the chemical on her friend’s car door, mail box and apartment door knob.   After her friend burned her finger on the door knob she alerted her post office mail carrier. The Post Office did a sting investigation and placed video cameras which caught Carol in the act. In addition, Carol was accused of stealing mail, which bumped it up from a state level to a federal level. As a result, prosecutors charged her with violating the 1993 Chemical Weapons Treaty which was created to protect against threat of chemical weapons. Carol admitted she was trying to harm her friend but not killing her. She was sentenced and served six years in prison. She is now released and unemployed. If she was convicted on the state level, she would have only been sentenced between 9 months to two years in prison. The love triangle case is now with the Supreme Court, lawyers are questioning whether Carol actually violated the International Chemical Weapons Treaty.

For the full article and video click on the links below:

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2014/01/03/crime-punishment-toxic-love-triangle/?hpt=ac_mid

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My Insights!

All of these lovechild stories are becoming contagious. In this case the husband and girlfriend were wrong. As this was not a random sidechick that was not 100% knowledgeable of her lover’s situation. She was friends with the wife, she knew what she was doing. However…..the person who really suffered was the victim herself. She totally lost it and went crazy. As a result she had to do the time in prison.

To all victims of infidelity by their mates, get your mind right and come back to sanity real quick. Hone that inner-crazy chick…it is not worth it.  No man is worth jeopardizing your career and future happiness over. Let karma bite them both (your husband and your so-called friend) without you committing any spiteful acts. Just leave him and let him grovel in his own mess. Let him face his own guilt of losing a phenomenal woman. If he was seeking  that 20% you were lacking, he just missed out on the 80% of goodness that you were bringing to the table (The Tyler Perry’s 80/20 rule).

For you men that want to do your dirt…. think twice and know the people you sleep with, are double-crossing and putting in your mess.  If you are unhappy,aim to leave the relationship gracefully. Jeopardizing your safety is one thing, but risking others safety whether it is your main or your side chick is not worth those few minutes of pleasure.

What Are Your Thoughts? Do You Think Her Sentencing Was Too Harsh or Too Lenient?

 

New Year! New Start! My Resolutions In Becoming A More Happily Divorcee!

I came across a  recent Huffington Post article discussing common post-split New Year’s resolutions that readers’ shared. While reading the listed 18 resolution goals, I could not help but to nod in agreement with many of these aspiring objectives. Many of the Continue reading New Year! New Start! My Resolutions In Becoming A More Happily Divorcee!