Tag Archives: Advice

My Advice To Married Couples After Divorcing My Wife Of 16 Years By Gerald Rogers.

Thought this was a great article. Humility is golden. Not too many of us are able to admit on our own wrong doing in the demise of a relationship. Realizing what you did right and wrong is the first step in becoming a better person in the next situation or if it is not too late to make it right and rebuild in your past relationships.

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My Advice To Married Couples After Divorcing My Wife   Of 16 Years By Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there…

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Damaged Goods…Ruined or Fixable?

Are You Dealing with Damaged Goods? Time to Clean Out and Dispose! Let them fix themselves on their own. Until then Let Life Flow! Enjoy new beginnings and know your worth!

Damaged Goods…Ruined or Fixable?.

As Published on Joint Interest Digital Magazine: Can A Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?

Please read my contributing article as published on Joint Interest: Upload 2 The New Connected World Digital Magazine. Also sign up for weekly updates and look out for future contributing articles as well. This is the condensed version than the original published yesterday!

Can a Meaningful Relationship Thrive from a One-Night Stand?

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Photo Source: madamenoire.com

Scene:
You and your girlfriends are at a club. You separate yourself from your crew and begin to strut all your goodness to the bar. A gent approaches you and ask your vitals and whereabout in New York City Metro area you reside. Both of you are physically attracted to each other. He offers to buy you that Ciroc Amaretto on the rocks you were about to splurge on yourself. You graciously accept. The DJ begins to turn up the music. That handsome gent that has his eyes fixated on you takes your hand and walks you by the DJ. Your hips begin to swerve in your tight mini-dress as he checks you out with your hand-held in his. He maintains an arm’s-length distance. However, eyes are pierced on how your hips move well to the tunes.

You become more comfortable, your buttox and hips now begin to caress his pants as they percolate to the beat. Not standing out as other couples are also twerking. His hands become comfortable in caressing your silhouette. His soothing hands palming your rear gives you the chills. You are intertwined in a grind fest on the dance floor.

Couple at bar.Photo Source: http://seekwisdomfindwealth.blogspot.com/

He mentions how he drove to the venue and offers to take you home. The dancing resumes its hot and heavy pace. You are re-thinking that offer. You acknowledge that there is definitely great sexual chemistry. You don’t want the moment to cease. You agree for him to take you home. In the car, he can’t keep his hands off of you. Kisses are exchanged. You agree to go to his place. He assures you that he digs your entire vibe. Upon arriving at his place, you seal the deal.

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Photo source: blackafricanwomen.com
The next morning, you share breakfast before he drops you off at home.

Walk-of-Shame

Photo Source: www.dirtyandthirty.com

Prior to leaving, you ask if you both will remain in contact. He says Yes. You begin the walk of shame as he drops you off to your place.

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You begin to fret and wonder if you blew it because you gave up the goods too quickly. You hope the guy realizes that is not normal. You were into him and couldn’t resist. Could something meaningful come from this?

My Perspective:
Pros:

It is all about perception. If the guy is a true gentleman and perceived you as a classy woman….he probably still does. He does not romp around with anyone himself. He likely felt the same chemistry as you. Plus if the loving was great, the man will likely return. As a woman, you know your own judgment of character. There was something that made him the exception to the rule. Thus a budding relationship from your one night freak-fest is possible.

Cons:
However, what really did you learn of each other beyond sex, that make the two of you compatible as a couple? If you are in the market in looking for a husband, you or him could not possibly know that your romping partner possesses all of the qualities that you aspire in your future mate. So while subsequent dates may happen, the relationship maybe short-lived. Exclusivity status not guaranteed. He may be dating another chick. Or you may just get caught up in the sex and realize that this guy is not husband material.

Jury Still Out!
Waiting three dates or abiding to the Steve Harvey’s 90-day rule may result in the same outcome. In dating, nothing is guaranteed. Two people are getting to know each other. There is a risk that a relationship may not thrive from any first encounter. Think of the numbers you exchange when out. How many result in follow-up calls, dates and relationships? While sexual intimacy may definitely get you the subsequent date it may not lead to exclusivity. So preserve your goodies until you know the guy is looking for something serious. In contrast, there are many lasting relationships that thrived from a one-night stand. It is all about the person’s present focus in life. If you could learn that over a few cocktails and dances, then press on.

What are your thoughts? Have you been able to have a sustainable relationship after a one-night romp?

To Quarrel or Not to Quarrel

Many married couples separate because they quarrel incessantly, but just as many separate because they were never honest enough or courageous enough to quarrel when they should have. 

–Sydney J. Harris

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Some people avoid arguing with their mate like it is the plague. They separate rather then understanding each others wants and desires and reconciling their differences through healthy debate. Two parties remain unhappy, leading to break-ups. On the other hand ceaseless debates especially over the same issues is unhealthy. There is no sense of arguing and debating the same points if a resolution or understanding is not made at the end. At the end, if the two care enough about each other, both parties will seek to remedy the issue at hand. Or if each person has conviction to their point and do not want to reconcile, they must agree to disagree and either deal, accept and adjust to the difference of opinions or just agree to separate. Not harp on the same issue over and over again.

Quarreling is healthy to a relationship, allows two people to vent their differences. This is if done in a positive, non-verbally abusive manner with the point to resolve the issue in the end.

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Many couples choose to resolve any differences prior to going to bed, remove any lingering effects leading to extended miscommunication, disagreement and misunderstanding.

I believe their is always disagreement in how two people live and approach life. When you are in a committed relationship, discuss differences at the infancy stage prior to the build-up of frustration. In my opinion, the quarrels will be fewer and less vibrant. Quarrelling fosters a healthy relationship supporting open communication. Make sure the topic has a means to an end.

What are your thoughts and experiences? Do you see quarreling as healthy?

Breaking Up; Soaring to Your Own Destiny

“Your relationship may be “Breaking Up,” but you won’t be “Breaking Down.” If anything your correcting a mistake that was hurting four people, you and the person your with, not to mention the two people who you were destined to meet.”
― D. Ivan YoungBreak Up, Don’t Break Down

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Photo: http://www.blisstree.com

I truly believe, my breaking up with my husband, provides us both with a path to fulfill the gaps in our lives that was inhibiting us from living our own destined satisfying and blissful life.  I believed we were both constricted in a life with each other where compromises were made. These adjustments we made on behalf of each other, were contradictory to the core of who we each are. For what the sake of marriage?   Yes, concessions should be made in marriage, between two people who love each other enough to build a future. But, if it is contradictory and constraining who you are, the other person has to either adjust due to his or her love for the other person or release them and let them soar to reach everything they desire. On that note! Fly, Fly Away! Salute to new beginnings, new encounters and new experiences…and hope they provide a joyous ever after!

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Caught Feelings Huh? Now He Acting Ignorant!

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Photo: violastea.com

Approaching the dating scene with an open-mind and open-heart is suggested by many relationship specialists in getting back out there. Do not be too picky or close-minded, be approachable, allow love to let in. Yes, that seems easy, right? Just flash my pearly whites and enjoy the moment. “Let Life Flow!” Pure bliss will happen. Continue reading Caught Feelings Huh? Now He Acting Ignorant!