Tag Archives: sex

Single-Mom Dating Woes- Not Taken Seriously- Advice from Coach Evan Marc Katz

I came across this interesting article about a single mom’s dating struggles on Evan Marc Katz’s site. In her case men are interested…but only for a potential good time not for a relationship as they are in to her but do not want the responsibilities of dealing with the children and ex-husband. This woman’s experience and Evan’s advice is my reality of my date-life as a divorcee. My approach to dating has evolved like Evan’s advice suggests. I shifted from dating men without any attachments to the 40-something divorced with kids. However, the challenge remains on the ultimate time you are available compared to a woman who has no responsibilities. The divorced are enjoying their new post-marriage life and well…. the journey continues. So I say just be happy within,  enjoy life’s blessings, your sprouts and eventually one day maybe the perfect match will come. But don’t waste your pretty dwelling on it. Enjoy this read my Single Mommies!

I’m a Single Mom Who Is Ready To Give Up On Men Because They All Want Sex.

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How Waiting For Sex is Worth the Wait!!

Thought this was a great article for all the single ladies that are looking for a serious mate in life which is on digitalromance.inc. from Lyn Paul a Senior Dating Coach at “The Dating Angel” a dating and relationship coaching service for women. Enjoy!

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Your 5-Step Guide To Becoming MORE Than Just A Friend With Benefits

I thought this was a great article on YourTango.com . Helpful tips for those who are in a Friends With Benefits situation and still respecting yourself and commanding respect from your partner. It is not always cliche….many relationships start off casually without any pressure yet evolve to a much more fulfilling one when both people are ready. And if timing is not in sync with your FWB refer to choice #1. Enjoy!
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If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the bedroom.

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The #1 Thing Smart Women Do To Attract (And Keep) Amazing Men

This was a great read from YourTango.com. I find myself absolutely guilty of being assertive and wanting to have control in relationships…which I will admit has not always left a positive outcome. Enjoy!

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Know The Facts: 7 Sad-But-True Reasons He’s Going To Cheat On You

The topic of men and fidelity has been a topic I have been thinking a lot about lately…. The Main Chick vs. Side Chick Phenom is glaring in our faces through social media and entertainment outlets.  In the courting/dating stage, habits of the way men approach dating, tend not to wane until the engagement, make one or two a priority and have a couple of side chicks to call upon. I thought this article from YourTango.com was very insightful. Nothing that I was not aware of before, but organized in a great way to really put the whole Men and Fidelity into perspective. In a nutshell, A Man Is As Faithful As His Options. Beware of that Dreamy Charming Guy “The Hunter and Gatherer” make sure he has strength against temptation, while he may have good intentions there are always someone to test him. However, it goes both way for us women…but the reasons a woman cheats is very different from a man. Well enjoy!

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10 Reasons He Married You When He Wasn’t IN Love With You!

This article is pretty deep, disturbing but very real. Women and Men please read! Marry because you are “In Love” please “Do Not Settle” nor “Try to Force It Upon Your Partner”- maybe your partner’s timing doesn’t match or really does not want to marry you. In the end there is just regret and lost time. Take heed in staying in a relationship because you feel you put in the time and it is familiar but you know you and your partner is not really thrilled.  I truly believe over half of the marriages that exist today is because either the Woman or Man settled and are not with their soul mates. I get it no one wants to be alone in the long run. If you choose to settle for someone that is not your soul mate, for stability and reliability, no judgment from here. However, as a Divorcee and speaking to other Divorcees, the second time around we are looking for true chemistry that is sustainable. We are not settling and making the same mistakes we made the first time around. Enjoy this article from YourTango.com

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Amazing Sex Is My Blessing and Curse! from HuffPost Women

I thought this was a great article on HuffPost Women. Having passion with a guy does not necessarily make him relationship material. This is where many of us women get it wrong. Enjoy!

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I lived the majority of my life with a “passion trumps all” mentality.

I would pass on any relationship that felt “ordinary” or predictable. If anyone wastotally into me, I had an allergic reaction, immediately running the other way.

I also chose ambiguous relationships where I never had any kind of conversation to figure out where I stood with a guy and, therefore, made lots of assumptions.

Often, when I wanted commitment, he would agree, but his actions never matched his promises.

I never wanted to seem too intense or be that “crazy girl,” so I kept quiet. But on the inside, my stomach was always in knots.

Quick flashback: I had ended a five-year relationship and met a leading matchmaker in New York City, who was looking for single gals. I was a total newbie — fresh on the market from my broken engagement. She sped me through years of therapy in her informative intake and told me she had a great guy for me — a relationship-minded guy which, to me, sounded like code for “boring.” I quickly flashed to a life of predictability and void of excitement.

“But will we have chemistry?” I asked.

She replied, “I know you love passion. It’s clear after knowing you for one hour. I promise that if you keep going for the smooth dude, you will be 40 and single.”

Well, cut to me: 40 and single.

The matchmaker (now my best friend) set me up with many good guys, but I always returned, saying, “I just don’t feel any connection.”

My friends labeled me as “too picky” and I justified it as “not wanting to settle.”

The truth is, no one could convince me. I was on the chemistry road to nowhere. So, how did I finally get off the road?

One day, the matchmaker told me she had found someone, but his relationship readiness was not convincing. Her advice: “You are exactly what he needs, so if he is ready, it will be perfect. If not, don’t stay for the sex.”

Well… I stayed for the sex.

I stayed (two years) thinking that I could love him into commitment. Wrong, so wrong (cue the horrible sound accompanying the wrong answer “X” on Family Feud).

But I had to OD on my pattern. Doesn’t it suck that we often only grow from intense pain and disappointment? But this relationship was a turning point, and for that I am grateful.

I had a come-to-consciousness moment when this guy (who was now about to marry another woman) called and said, “I will never love anyone as much as you. If I could have one wish, it would be to go away with you and snuggle like only we do.”

I was slightly horrified, and, yet, oddly flattered that I rated so high. Not good. (I know this.)

Obviously, I did not plan on “snuggling” with a man days before his nuptials, but I did come from a family where my dad cheated, and my mom took him back many times. You might say my threshold for nonsense is way too high — and you would be correct.

Most women would hear something like that from a man going to his bachelor party, and hang up the phone and never answer his calls again. I never saw “bachelor party” guy again. Instead, I landed on the green couch of my therapist.

Dr. Kim — the oracle (totally a Matrix reference) — leaned forward in her chair (always code for something profound is about to happen) and said, “You know that good sex doesn’t mean a good relationship? You know that, right?”

“What do you mean?”

She repeated, “Good sex doesn’t always equal a good relationship. Good sex equals good sex.”

I asked (in the most childlike way possible), “Am I supposed to live in a loveless, boring relationship where I have no desire to have sex? I’d rather live like a monk.”

“No, that is not what I said, Di Ana, that’s what you heard.” She always gets me when she says my name. She’s good, real good.

I softened, “But he is the most amazing snuggler in the world.”

“Do you want a relationship?”

I nodded.

“Well, all I am saying is you confuse the two.”

“Well, maybe.” I recoiled. Truth is, I do confuse amazing sex for amazing relationships all the time.

A fulfilling sex life is important, but it cannot be the only reason you stay with someone.

I honestly believed that if I loved these men enough and was an incredible partner they would eventually commit. But you have to be able to see what is happening vs. what you wish would happen.

I realized:

  1. When someone doesn’t want to commit: walk away. You can’t love someone into commitment.
  2. Listen to their words, but see what they do. Action matters.
  3. “Relationship-minded” is actually a trait you should look for in a man.

I found a whole new level of passion when I started dating relationship-minded men. Who knew? It is far from boring; the connection that develops from reliability, trust and communication is exciting.

Once I realized this, I found such profound freedom. Now, when I date a man and the chemistry is off the charts, I do not go into fantasy mode.

If we have an effortless connection, I let it be just that — effortless. Instead of analyzing his words and the way he tilts his head while saying them, I wait to see if his words will match his actions.

In short, I look for no rules and no games. I choose to see what is, while enjoying every minute with someone who is committed to taking the ride with me — bumps in the road and all.

I Am In A Sexless Marriage, This Is What I Am Begging Young Men To Consider Before They Get Married

This is for the married men who do feel a prisoner in their marriage or the divorcee who has found passion back in their life but at the expense of their own net worth and their relationships with the kids. I discuss many issues of women…but what about the men? While this guy seems he put all the stops with babysitters, wining and dining and romantic gestures. There are many men who are just as frustrated and forget that they have to continue and date their women years after marriage. Maybe your wife would be more intimate with you! Enjoy!

Thought Catalog

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When you’re old, you look back on your younger years and it seems like you were sleepwalking. I like to think I’m a smart guy who cares about life and makes good decisions, but then how did I end up here, 38, married 10 years, have had sex maybe once a year for the past 6 years (and it should be noted she didn’t seem to enjoy even that).

This isn’t a life I wanted and yet here I am, stuck in it.

My problem is that my wife won’t have sex with me. My problem is that my wife won’t talk to me about not wanting to have sex with me. My problem is that my wife doesn’t care about being my wife anymore. My problem is that she seems completely disinterested in everything except maybe our kids (which, thank god).

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Maybe women are programed to…

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Happily Divorced and After Has Advanced To Finals for 2014 Black Weblog Awards!

Thank you for all those that voted! Happily Divorced and After has advanced to the finals for the category:

Best Blog Post Series

Voting Starts Today! Please vote and encourage others to vote. Just click on the link below:

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The Reason Men Pursue Sex Before Commitment

I thought this was a great article on YourTango. This is a response to a question to Annie Gleason a “Dating Coach”. Thought I share because this is always an interesting topic amongst my single circle. I am always at times coming to the defense of gent’s as I personally think not all men are “Sly Foxes” and it is just this reason alone. Enjoy! Full article at http://www.yourtango.com/experts/annie-gleason/why-men-press-sex-commitment#.VD_Q0vlSj9Y

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